Entry tags:
Mid-week Quotable
From Lucy Gillam:
There's much more at the original link.
The first is that true gender equality is actually perceived as inequality. A group that is made up of 50% women is perceived as being mostly women. A situation that is perfectly equal between men and women is perceived as being biased in favor of women.
And if you don’t believe me, you’ve never been a married woman who kept her family name. I have had students hold that up as proof of my “sexism.” My own brother told me that he could never marry a woman who kept her name because “everyone would know who ruled that relationship.” Perfect equality - my husband keeps his name and I keep mine – is held as a statement of superiority on my part.
There's much more at the original link.
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I loved my name, it was very catchy, and there are times I miss it, but I like my new one too. With it there are less assumptions about my race or if I can't speak English. I had a lot of people assume that I come from Mexico, sometimes illegally, and it happens less so. It is incredibly frustrating, but getting better.
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As matter of fact, the tradition of each partner keeping their own family names and giving their kids both we have here, is one of the few things we are different to half of the world and I'm proud we are.
Though in the case the mother wants the kid to keep her name in first place and the father's in second. I wonder when it happens, how many men consent to it.
In the end, bad things always find their way.
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...its also interesting to think that I have my father's last name and not my mothers. I mean I guess she took his name when she married, but I wonder if theres any families where the mother kept her name, and the children took her name instead of the fathers. The only cases I know of now of children taking their mothers' names is when the father is not present or unknown.
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Assuming we reproduce, that's the plan for my husband and I, mostly because he has two brothers and I'm apparently the only person available to Carry On The Family Line. (Though this is more a personal thing to me than the familial expectation it sounds like.)
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Also, when I got my Social Security card as a kid, the Social Security administration changed my mom's name in their system without telling her. She found out when her new SS card arrived in the mail, and had to go to some bother to get it changed back. (The'd given her the same hyphenated last name I had.)
Besides the weird things that have happened to my family around the whole name thing, there's also this - if a woman who took the man's name gets divorced from him, she's either stuck with his last name or has to go through the name change paperwork to get her maiden name back. This makes divorce more expensive and more trouble for most women than for men.
As for my chosen name? I'm keeping that. Forever. It's mine.
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(Dad won, so we are all FIRST-NAME MOM'S-NAME DAD'S-NAME, but it was a fair 50-50 chance and my mother doesn't mind at all.)
I used to wonder if I'd change my last name or not, depending on how cool my hypothetical spouse's name was...but seeing it start to happen to my friends has cemented my resolve. It's just too weird.
My boyfriend's last name is a very nice one (the same as one of my favorite poets, actually, by coincidence), but I just can't see it becoming mine. My name is part of my identity and I would feel totally bizarre if I changed it. :/ (To his credit, he is totally fine with this.)
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This essay just summed up what I've thought for some time, but have not been able to articulate.
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I wonder if it's appropriate to add my too cents?
(Anonymous) 2011-04-21 11:12 pm (UTC)(link)Makes me wonder why us children got both names and not just one side. Personally I never really thought of the whole last name thing too much, let alone realize that there was a feminist tag to it. The most I've thought about it was to decide to take a future husband's last name if only for the sake of convenience. Now I know that's a pretty stupid reason.
This post is something to think about. Thanks for sharing. :)