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Soul Eater Not! Chapter 02: Featuring our Special Guest Star, Kathy Bates
Good aftermornevening! Tsugumi narrates, covering all of her bases for her loyal readers. I'm that fabulous girl who just became a Shibusen student, Tsugumi! Right now us new students are following our senpai to the girls' dormitory.
Anya is having a COMMONERGASM. This is Anya Hepburn, Tsugumi continues to narrate. She's fourteen years old, just like me. She's so beautiful that she looks like a princess!
"What a nice neighborhood!" Tsugumi says, attempting to make small talk with Anya.
Anya immediately pouts and tries to pretend like she's unimpressed. "It certainly is," she agrees. "A shabby neighborhood like this perfectly suits a person like you, Tsugumi-san."
Does she hate me now? Tsugumi wonders. But she wanted to be my partner!
Oh, Tsugumi. You just don't understand how deeply closeted Anya is about her commoner fetish.
Meanwhile, Me-Me is pulling at the sleeves of her sweater nervously. "Ummmm... Tsugumi-san... Where are we going?"
Tsugumi is only taken aback for a instant. She appears to be getting used to this. "We're going to the girls' dormitory where we're going to be living from now on," Tsugumi explains patiently.
"Ah... Thank you!" Me-Me says.
This is Tatane Me-Me-chan, Tsugumi narrates. She's fourteen years old too. She's a little bit of an airhead... She doesn't look like a strong fighter, so I wonder why she was accepted at Shibusen? Anyway, this girl is also a contender who wants to be my partner! Oh, and, uh, she has a nice body.
"Well girls," the as-yet-unnamed senpai says, "This is the Shibusen Girls' Dormitory!"
Wow, what a dorm! Tsugumi think-bubbles. "Wow!! Anya-san, isn't is amazing?!"
"I was hoping for a more commoner-style dormitory..." Anya sighs, clearly disappointed.
"You will have everything that you need to maintain a high quality lifestyle in your rooms," Senpai says. "However, for your food or any sort of individualized lifestyle needs, you will have to use the weekly allowance that you receive from Sid-sensei in order to buy those things."
"We sure did receive a lot of money..." Tsugumi comments. "Two hundred dollars. Even subtracting the cost of food from that, it's still way bigger than any allowance that I ever got back home."
"You can't ask for an advance on your weekly allowance, so be careful with it!" Senpai warns Tsugumi. "If, for example, you find out that you've completely run out of food tomorrow, you will be forced to take an obligatory part-time job at one of the stores in Death City. So keep that in mind! And also, there is one more thing that you must know before we can enter the dormitory..."
"Um, I hope I don't forget all of this soon..." Me-Me says.
"Beware of the Witch of the Girls' Dormitory," Senpai says.
Then she smiles brightly again. "Okay! So, welcome to the Shibusen Girls' Dormitory!"
Tsugumi is still in the middle of doing a double-take. A witch?! Whuuuuuuuut?!
But she enters the dorm anyway. A witch, huh... Way to kill my good mood...
And as soon as Tsugumi steps into the dorm, she sees a girl wearing an animal-eared cloak sitting behind a table upon which are a pile of cards. She's even tinier than me! Tsugumi thinks.
"I will fortell your fortune for today," the girl says.
"Hello!" Tsugumi greets her.
The girl bows her head in reponse.
"This is Kana Altair," Senpai says. "She's quite skilled at fortune-telling."
Fortune-telling? Tsugumi think-bubbles. Could this girl be the Witch of the Girls' Dormitory?
"Your card has been chosen..." Kana says. She holds up the Tower card. "A terrible calamity. Beware, new student..."
"What?!" Tsugumi reacts with her jaw perfectly dropped. "WHAAAAAT?!" A terrible calamity?! "Beware of the Witch of the Girls' Dormitory" and now this?! What's going to happen to me...?!
Meanwhile, Anya is not happy about Kana upsetting her new fetish object. "Tarot cards, huh... Since you're commoners it would be more appropriate for you to just get your fortunes from discount coupons." (Note: In Japan sometimes you can find your daily fortune printed on coupons for restaurants and hotels.)
Kana, matching Anya glare for glare, orally molests some ellipses, then pulls out the Fool card and shoves it in Anya's face.
"Hey!" Anya shouts.
Then Kana pulls out a card that says "The Pig." Oh come on that's not even a real Tarot card.
"What's this girl's problem, huh?!" Anya rages as Senpai tries to restrain her from punching Kana in the face. "You may be small but you've got an enormous attitude problem!!"
Suddenly Kana pulls out another card: The House.
"AND THOSE AREN'T EVEN REAL TAROT CARDS!!" Anya rages as Senpai drags her away.
A page later, the girls are finally ready to enter their room. "This entire floor is your living space now," Senpai says. "There's a three-person bedroom available right there, so please use that room. You will be sharing the kitchen and the bathroom with your floormates."
"The dishware is Meissen and the furniture is antique kukiritaaruta..." Anya comments. (I have been Googling for hours and I have NO IDEA what famous brand name "kukiritaaruta" could possibly be the phonetically butchered Japanese term for.) "This dorm certainly has some luxury to it."
Meanwhile, Tsugumi is unimpressed by Meissen dishes and is still having a prolonged freakout about the witch and her fortune. "Tsugumi-san?" Me-Me asks. "Is something the matter? You can't calm down?"
"Eh he... Uhhh... Me-Me-san... It's just that there's a witch somewhere in this dorm..."
And suddenly Kathy Bates is walking right in front of them.
"Ah... Misery-san!" Senpai greets her. Then Senpai turns and introduces her to the others. "This is our chief RA, Misery-san."
Could SHE be the Witch of the Girls' Dormitory? Tsugumi wonders. Um, getting a little paranoid there, aren't you?
"Pleased to meet you," Misery says. "You can always find me in the Dorm Supervisors's room on the first floor, so if you ever need anything please do not hesitate to let me know?"
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand suddenly Ohkubo has discovered an EXCITING NEW WAY to COMPLETELY MISUSE punctuation. AWESOME.
She seems like a very nice Dorm Supervisor, Tsugumi think-bubbles, relieved. "Pleased to meet you."
Misery smiles. Then she looks down at the book that she's holding and flips through a few pages. Then she orally molests some ellipses. Then she looks at Tsugumi again and smiles creepily.
This girl...!! She's just like Mary Smith, the heroine in my absolute favorite novel, "A Commoner of Flanders"! She looks EXACTLY like the Mary Smith I've always envisioned in my imagination!! The actress who played Mary in the movie version didn't look anything like the Mary that I imagined... I mean, what movie? That movie doesn't exist, la la la I refuse to recognize that such a movie exists...
OKAY KIDS it's time to pick apart all of the references in that one! "A Dog of Flanders" is an INCREDIBLY DEPRESSING 1872 novel by Marie Louise de la Ramée that has all but faded into obscurity in the English-speaking world although for some reason it is still INEXPLICABLY POPULAR in Japan. (Probably because it is INCREDIBLY DEPRESSING but hey what do I know about Japanese culture.) This book is so popular in Japan, in fact, that it has spawned no less than four Japanese anime and film adapatations, the most recent of which was the movie "Snow Prince" in 1999.
I cut this out of the translation but Misery also mentions the name of the actress whose portrayal of Mary she didn't like, "Hade Kirapiya," and although this is clearly supposed to be another pun I have no idea what it could be referring to.
Also, in case you missed it, this whole sequence is setting up a straight-up parody of the plot of Stephen King's Misery which is about to reach a GLORIOUS fulfillment in a few pages, but I'm getting ahead of myself.
Anywhoo, back to Tsugumi. "Kore kara osewa ni narimasu," Tsugumi says, which is a very very Japanese greeting that literally means "you will be taking care of me from now on" although it's quite a bit more humble and polite than it sounds in translation. "I'm Harudori Tsugumi."
And Misery immediately flips her shit. "MARY WOULD NEVER SAY ANYTHING LIKE THAT!!"
"Whaaaaaaaat?!"
Misery starts shaking Tsugumi back and forth. "NOW! MARY!! HURRY UP AND DO IT OVER AGAIN!! RIGHT NOW!! HURRY UP!!!!"
Senpai somehow manages to pull Misery off Tsugumi and push her aside. "She's a little bit strange, but there's nothing to worry about!"
Meanwhile, Tsugumi is left shell-shocked and shaking. ...The witch... Maybe the Witch of the Girls' Dormitory really is the Dorm Supervisor after all...
As Senpai leads the girls to their room, Misery lurks and watches them. "That girl has the potential to become the real Mary. All I have to do is educate her properly..."
(And you people said that there was no nightmare fuel in this chapter.)
Meanwhile, the girls finally reach their shared bedroom. "This is your room," Senpai says. "Your luggage should be delivered soon, so please take your time and relax for now."
The girls all bow their heads together. "Thank you very much, Eternal Feather-senpai!"
A HA HA HA HA HA HA oh my god WOW. Her name is actually Eternal Feather. This is AWESOME.
Tsugumi sits down on top of her bed. That's right... Today is the first day of my new life here... Of course I'm pretty nervous about starting a new life and all, but thanks to Anya-san and Me-Me-san I feel pretty excited about it too!
D'awwwwwwwww.
Anya sees that Tsugumi has chosen the bed that is NOT in the middle. Tsugumi-san chose her bed already, Anya think-bubbles. "Very well, I will be next to... ME-ME-SAN?!"
"Yes?" Me-Me says, already having innocently claimed the middle bed next to Tsugumi's.
Me-Me then notices the look on Anya's face. "I... Did I choose a different bed before...?" she asks, clearly unable to remember. "Do you want to switch?"
To Anya's credit, she doesn't take advantage of Me-Me's obvious opening. "No... It's all right... And since it is all right for Me-Me to be there then I suppose it must be all right for me to be anywhere..."
Anya sits on her bed and pouts while Tsugumi and Me-Me chat with each other.
After that the three of us used our allowances to go out to dinner. Then it was bedtime---....
"I'm turning off the lights now," Tsugumi announces. "Good night."
As the the other two sleep, Tsugumi continues to narrate. So much happened to me today... I feel like I could fall deep asleep any second now... It seems like the other two are already asleep... Ah, I'm so sleepy... So slee...
BANG BANG.
Uh? "Bang Bang"?
Tsugumi opens her eyes.
"THE DORM SUPERVISOR?!?!"
Tsugumi is tied down to her bed. Misery is holding a sledgehammer and grinning.
(And you people said that there was no nightmare fuel in this chapter.)
"It's time for me to train you in how to become the real Mary," Misery says. Although the Japanese word that she uses for "to train" is choukyou, which is generally used for animals instead of people, and is therefore commonly translated as "to break" instead of "to train."
AND YOU PEOPLE SAID THERE WAS NO NIGHTMARE FUEL IN THIS CHAPTER.
Tsugumi starts to cry which frankly is totally understandable in this situation. "I knew it!! I knew that the Dorm Supervisor was the witch!!"
Suddenly Me-Me rises out of her bed, while blowing an impressive snot-bubble from her nose.
"ME-ME-SAN!!" Tsugumi screams. "H... HELP ME!!"
Me-Me snores.
"She's still asleep?!" Tsugumi sobs.
Although apparently neither being asleep nor being half-naked is enough to stop Me-Me from suddenly BEATING THE EVERLIVING SHIT out of Misery!
SLEEPING FIST, a helpful two-page spread informs us is the name of Me-Me's particular martial arts style. Although in Japanese this is written as suiken which is also a pun on "Drunken Fist".
Also, Me-Me is definitely not wearing any pants. Eibon would approve.
Beatdown delivered, Me-Me flops down on top of Tsugumi's bed and wraps her arms around Tsugumi. "Me-Me-san?! Me-Me-san?!" Tsugumi shouts, but Me-Me is apparently fast asleep and looking unlikely to move again for a while.
Meanwhile, Anya is apparently sleeping through all of this. I guess.
Misery picks herself up off the floor and rubs at her head. "...An... An unexpected obstacle has gotten in my way..."
"The Dorm Supervisor still isn't knocked out!" Tsugumi gasps, now trapped both by her restraints and by Me-Me having flopped down on top of her. "Me-Me-san, WAKE UP!! PLEASE WAKE UP!! Or actually maybe I should be telling you to stay asleep?"
Misery grips her sledgehammer tightly in her hand.
"ME-ME-SAN!!" Tsugumi screams. "GET UP BUT STAY ASLEEP!! GET UP BUT STAY ASLEEP!!!! PLEASE!!!!!" This time I'm doomed for real...
Aaaaand suddenly Kim is there. Kicking Misery in the head.
"Goddamn but you new students are noisy," Kim says, glaring at Tsugumi.
That's it, Tsugumi think-bubbles, I'm going to pass out now...
"This is Shibusen, so even if your Dorm Supervisor is a psychopath you still have to learn to live with her!" Kim berates Tsugumi as Tsugumi slips into unconsciousness. "Pull yourself together and stop making such a fuss about it!"
No way... This is crazy...
The next morning, Anya wakes up and yawns. "Good morning," she says.
Then she turns her head and sees that Tsugumi is still tied down to her bed, with Me-Me spooning her. "What in the world were you two doing over there while I was asleep? How filthy..."
Some time later, Tsugumi is finally up and dressed, and wandering around the dorm. "I wonder who that girl was that saved me yesterday?" Tsugumi says. You mean that girl who told you to suck it up and stop whining just because your dorm supervisor was trying to beat you with a sledgehammer? Her eyes where so bright and shiny, and she was so cute, just like one of those idol girls!
OH HEY TSUGUMI'S REPRESSED LESBIAN TENDENCIES
DIDN'T THINK WE'D SEE YOU COME TO THE SURFACE SO EARLY IN THIS SERIES
I mean seriously I kind of assumed that we would at least get a few more chapters of Tsugumi being all "I LIKE BOYS AND ME-ME AND ANYA ARE MAKING ME REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE WATCH ME MAKE UNCOMFORTABLE FACES" before we would see anything like Tsugumi getting googley-eyed over a girl who has so far done nothing but yell at Tsugumi while Tsugumi was tied down to a bed.
Kinky.
Suddenly, Tsugumi sees her mystery savior! And oh my god there are actually HEARTS in her word bubble when she sees Kim.
I think I figured out why Tsugumi isn't into Anya or Me-Me yet. It's not that she's straight as an arrow. It's that apparently she's only attracted to women who yell at her when she's tied up and helpless, and neither Anya nor Me-Me has tried doing that yet.
This is awesome.
While Tsugumi is about to talk to Kim, Eternal Feather rounds a corner and sees Tsugumi. "Ah, Harudori-san! Did you sleep well last... !!"
Eternal Feather ducks back behind her corner as soon as she sees Kim. It's the Witch of the Girls' Dormitory!! Kim Diehl!!
"Thank you very much for last night!" Tsugumi tells Kim cheerfully. "I was saved thanks to you!"
Kim holds out her hand to Tsugumi. "Well, come on," she says.
"Yes?"
"Money, obviously. My money. You just said that you were saved thanks to me, didn't you? And you just recieved your weekly allowance, didn't you? I'm telling you to hand it all over to me. Now."
Tsugumi's jaw drops. "WHAAAAAAAT?!" She's even scarier than the Witch!
"Hurry. Up," Kim says threateningly.
"Okaaaaaaaaay..."
This can't be happening...
Lurking behind her corner, Eternal Feather watches the exchange.
"Here," Kim says. "I'll leave you enough for food for today." Oh so generous.
What a nice person... Tsugumi narrates. Sarcastically, I assume.
Well, that's just her way of doing things! Eternal Feather think-bubbles.
Kim smiles and waves cheerfully to Tsugumi as she walks away with Tsugumi's money. Dejected, Tsugumi walks back to her room. "What should I do...? I can't face Me-Me-san or Anya-san like this, it's humiliating..." But I have no choice. I'll have to borrow money from the two of them.
Tsugumi opens the door to her room. And immediately plotzes. "Wh... What is all of this stuff...?"
"Oh, Tsugumi-san." Anya greets Tsugumi with a smile. "I went into town and bought all of these things this morning."
"All of this? But this must have cost your entire weekly allowance..."
"Um, Tsugumi-san?" Me-Me says, appearing behind Tsugumi. "Have you seen my allowance anywhere? I can't remember where I put it..."
"WHAAAAT?!"
"Oh, it was such a small amount anyway, there's no need to worry about it!" Anya reassures Me-Me while taking a bite of her taiyaki.
"Okay, as long as Anya-san says so!" Me-Me agrees, also chowing down on taiyaki.
Meanwhile, Tsugumi goes into catatonic shock and drools ellipses all over the floor.
"Tsugumi-san, would you like one too?" Anya says, offering Tsugumi a taiyaki. "It's not as though I was particularly interested in them or anything, but I did buy these things called 'taiyaki' for us. They're still fresh and hot."
So finally Tsugumi finds her zen and takes the taiyaki from Anya. She bites into it. "So yummy~" she sighs.
So that's it for this month's chapter! Next month will be another color illustration and presumably some job-related drama!
Anya is having a COMMONERGASM. This is Anya Hepburn, Tsugumi continues to narrate. She's fourteen years old, just like me. She's so beautiful that she looks like a princess!
"What a nice neighborhood!" Tsugumi says, attempting to make small talk with Anya.
Anya immediately pouts and tries to pretend like she's unimpressed. "It certainly is," she agrees. "A shabby neighborhood like this perfectly suits a person like you, Tsugumi-san."
Does she hate me now? Tsugumi wonders. But she wanted to be my partner!
Oh, Tsugumi. You just don't understand how deeply closeted Anya is about her commoner fetish.
Meanwhile, Me-Me is pulling at the sleeves of her sweater nervously. "Ummmm... Tsugumi-san... Where are we going?"
Tsugumi is only taken aback for a instant. She appears to be getting used to this. "We're going to the girls' dormitory where we're going to be living from now on," Tsugumi explains patiently.
"Ah... Thank you!" Me-Me says.
This is Tatane Me-Me-chan, Tsugumi narrates. She's fourteen years old too. She's a little bit of an airhead... She doesn't look like a strong fighter, so I wonder why she was accepted at Shibusen? Anyway, this girl is also a contender who wants to be my partner! Oh, and, uh, she has a nice body.
"Well girls," the as-yet-unnamed senpai says, "This is the Shibusen Girls' Dormitory!"
Wow, what a dorm! Tsugumi think-bubbles. "Wow!! Anya-san, isn't is amazing?!"
"I was hoping for a more commoner-style dormitory..." Anya sighs, clearly disappointed.
"You will have everything that you need to maintain a high quality lifestyle in your rooms," Senpai says. "However, for your food or any sort of individualized lifestyle needs, you will have to use the weekly allowance that you receive from Sid-sensei in order to buy those things."
"We sure did receive a lot of money..." Tsugumi comments. "Two hundred dollars. Even subtracting the cost of food from that, it's still way bigger than any allowance that I ever got back home."
"You can't ask for an advance on your weekly allowance, so be careful with it!" Senpai warns Tsugumi. "If, for example, you find out that you've completely run out of food tomorrow, you will be forced to take an obligatory part-time job at one of the stores in Death City. So keep that in mind! And also, there is one more thing that you must know before we can enter the dormitory..."
"Um, I hope I don't forget all of this soon..." Me-Me says.
"Beware of the Witch of the Girls' Dormitory," Senpai says.
Then she smiles brightly again. "Okay! So, welcome to the Shibusen Girls' Dormitory!"
Tsugumi is still in the middle of doing a double-take. A witch?! Whuuuuuuuut?!
But she enters the dorm anyway. A witch, huh... Way to kill my good mood...
And as soon as Tsugumi steps into the dorm, she sees a girl wearing an animal-eared cloak sitting behind a table upon which are a pile of cards. She's even tinier than me! Tsugumi thinks.
"I will fortell your fortune for today," the girl says.
"Hello!" Tsugumi greets her.
The girl bows her head in reponse.
"This is Kana Altair," Senpai says. "She's quite skilled at fortune-telling."
Fortune-telling? Tsugumi think-bubbles. Could this girl be the Witch of the Girls' Dormitory?
"Your card has been chosen..." Kana says. She holds up the Tower card. "A terrible calamity. Beware, new student..."
"What?!" Tsugumi reacts with her jaw perfectly dropped. "WHAAAAAT?!" A terrible calamity?! "Beware of the Witch of the Girls' Dormitory" and now this?! What's going to happen to me...?!
Meanwhile, Anya is not happy about Kana upsetting her new fetish object. "Tarot cards, huh... Since you're commoners it would be more appropriate for you to just get your fortunes from discount coupons." (Note: In Japan sometimes you can find your daily fortune printed on coupons for restaurants and hotels.)
Kana, matching Anya glare for glare, orally molests some ellipses, then pulls out the Fool card and shoves it in Anya's face.
"Hey!" Anya shouts.
Then Kana pulls out a card that says "The Pig." Oh come on that's not even a real Tarot card.
"What's this girl's problem, huh?!" Anya rages as Senpai tries to restrain her from punching Kana in the face. "You may be small but you've got an enormous attitude problem!!"
Suddenly Kana pulls out another card: The House.
"AND THOSE AREN'T EVEN REAL TAROT CARDS!!" Anya rages as Senpai drags her away.
A page later, the girls are finally ready to enter their room. "This entire floor is your living space now," Senpai says. "There's a three-person bedroom available right there, so please use that room. You will be sharing the kitchen and the bathroom with your floormates."
"The dishware is Meissen and the furniture is antique kukiritaaruta..." Anya comments. (I have been Googling for hours and I have NO IDEA what famous brand name "kukiritaaruta" could possibly be the phonetically butchered Japanese term for.) "This dorm certainly has some luxury to it."
Meanwhile, Tsugumi is unimpressed by Meissen dishes and is still having a prolonged freakout about the witch and her fortune. "Tsugumi-san?" Me-Me asks. "Is something the matter? You can't calm down?"
"Eh he... Uhhh... Me-Me-san... It's just that there's a witch somewhere in this dorm..."
And suddenly Kathy Bates is walking right in front of them.
"Ah... Misery-san!" Senpai greets her. Then Senpai turns and introduces her to the others. "This is our chief RA, Misery-san."
Could SHE be the Witch of the Girls' Dormitory? Tsugumi wonders. Um, getting a little paranoid there, aren't you?
"Pleased to meet you," Misery says. "You can always find me in the Dorm Supervisors's room on the first floor, so if you ever need anything please do not hesitate to let me know?"
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand suddenly Ohkubo has discovered an EXCITING NEW WAY to COMPLETELY MISUSE punctuation. AWESOME.
She seems like a very nice Dorm Supervisor, Tsugumi think-bubbles, relieved. "Pleased to meet you."
Misery smiles. Then she looks down at the book that she's holding and flips through a few pages. Then she orally molests some ellipses. Then she looks at Tsugumi again and smiles creepily.
This girl...!! She's just like Mary Smith, the heroine in my absolute favorite novel, "A Commoner of Flanders"! She looks EXACTLY like the Mary Smith I've always envisioned in my imagination!! The actress who played Mary in the movie version didn't look anything like the Mary that I imagined... I mean, what movie? That movie doesn't exist, la la la I refuse to recognize that such a movie exists...
OKAY KIDS it's time to pick apart all of the references in that one! "A Dog of Flanders" is an INCREDIBLY DEPRESSING 1872 novel by Marie Louise de la Ramée that has all but faded into obscurity in the English-speaking world although for some reason it is still INEXPLICABLY POPULAR in Japan. (Probably because it is INCREDIBLY DEPRESSING but hey what do I know about Japanese culture.) This book is so popular in Japan, in fact, that it has spawned no less than four Japanese anime and film adapatations, the most recent of which was the movie "Snow Prince" in 1999.
I cut this out of the translation but Misery also mentions the name of the actress whose portrayal of Mary she didn't like, "Hade Kirapiya," and although this is clearly supposed to be another pun I have no idea what it could be referring to.
Also, in case you missed it, this whole sequence is setting up a straight-up parody of the plot of Stephen King's Misery which is about to reach a GLORIOUS fulfillment in a few pages, but I'm getting ahead of myself.
Anywhoo, back to Tsugumi. "Kore kara osewa ni narimasu," Tsugumi says, which is a very very Japanese greeting that literally means "you will be taking care of me from now on" although it's quite a bit more humble and polite than it sounds in translation. "I'm Harudori Tsugumi."
And Misery immediately flips her shit. "MARY WOULD NEVER SAY ANYTHING LIKE THAT!!"
"Whaaaaaaaat?!"
Misery starts shaking Tsugumi back and forth. "NOW! MARY!! HURRY UP AND DO IT OVER AGAIN!! RIGHT NOW!! HURRY UP!!!!"
Senpai somehow manages to pull Misery off Tsugumi and push her aside. "She's a little bit strange, but there's nothing to worry about!"
Meanwhile, Tsugumi is left shell-shocked and shaking. ...The witch... Maybe the Witch of the Girls' Dormitory really is the Dorm Supervisor after all...
As Senpai leads the girls to their room, Misery lurks and watches them. "That girl has the potential to become the real Mary. All I have to do is educate her properly..."
(And you people said that there was no nightmare fuel in this chapter.)
Meanwhile, the girls finally reach their shared bedroom. "This is your room," Senpai says. "Your luggage should be delivered soon, so please take your time and relax for now."
The girls all bow their heads together. "Thank you very much, Eternal Feather-senpai!"
A HA HA HA HA HA HA oh my god WOW. Her name is actually Eternal Feather. This is AWESOME.
Tsugumi sits down on top of her bed. That's right... Today is the first day of my new life here... Of course I'm pretty nervous about starting a new life and all, but thanks to Anya-san and Me-Me-san I feel pretty excited about it too!
D'awwwwwwwww.
Anya sees that Tsugumi has chosen the bed that is NOT in the middle. Tsugumi-san chose her bed already, Anya think-bubbles. "Very well, I will be next to... ME-ME-SAN?!"
"Yes?" Me-Me says, already having innocently claimed the middle bed next to Tsugumi's.
Me-Me then notices the look on Anya's face. "I... Did I choose a different bed before...?" she asks, clearly unable to remember. "Do you want to switch?"
To Anya's credit, she doesn't take advantage of Me-Me's obvious opening. "No... It's all right... And since it is all right for Me-Me to be there then I suppose it must be all right for me to be anywhere..."
Anya sits on her bed and pouts while Tsugumi and Me-Me chat with each other.
After that the three of us used our allowances to go out to dinner. Then it was bedtime---....
"I'm turning off the lights now," Tsugumi announces. "Good night."
As the the other two sleep, Tsugumi continues to narrate. So much happened to me today... I feel like I could fall deep asleep any second now... It seems like the other two are already asleep... Ah, I'm so sleepy... So slee...
BANG BANG.
Uh? "Bang Bang"?
Tsugumi opens her eyes.
"THE DORM SUPERVISOR?!?!"
Tsugumi is tied down to her bed. Misery is holding a sledgehammer and grinning.
(And you people said that there was no nightmare fuel in this chapter.)
"It's time for me to train you in how to become the real Mary," Misery says. Although the Japanese word that she uses for "to train" is choukyou, which is generally used for animals instead of people, and is therefore commonly translated as "to break" instead of "to train."
AND YOU PEOPLE SAID THERE WAS NO NIGHTMARE FUEL IN THIS CHAPTER.
Tsugumi starts to cry which frankly is totally understandable in this situation. "I knew it!! I knew that the Dorm Supervisor was the witch!!"
Suddenly Me-Me rises out of her bed, while blowing an impressive snot-bubble from her nose.
"ME-ME-SAN!!" Tsugumi screams. "H... HELP ME!!"
Me-Me snores.
"She's still asleep?!" Tsugumi sobs.
Although apparently neither being asleep nor being half-naked is enough to stop Me-Me from suddenly BEATING THE EVERLIVING SHIT out of Misery!
SLEEPING FIST, a helpful two-page spread informs us is the name of Me-Me's particular martial arts style. Although in Japanese this is written as suiken which is also a pun on "Drunken Fist".
Also, Me-Me is definitely not wearing any pants. Eibon would approve.
Beatdown delivered, Me-Me flops down on top of Tsugumi's bed and wraps her arms around Tsugumi. "Me-Me-san?! Me-Me-san?!" Tsugumi shouts, but Me-Me is apparently fast asleep and looking unlikely to move again for a while.
Meanwhile, Anya is apparently sleeping through all of this. I guess.
Misery picks herself up off the floor and rubs at her head. "...An... An unexpected obstacle has gotten in my way..."
"The Dorm Supervisor still isn't knocked out!" Tsugumi gasps, now trapped both by her restraints and by Me-Me having flopped down on top of her. "Me-Me-san, WAKE UP!! PLEASE WAKE UP!! Or actually maybe I should be telling you to stay asleep?"
Misery grips her sledgehammer tightly in her hand.
"ME-ME-SAN!!" Tsugumi screams. "GET UP BUT STAY ASLEEP!! GET UP BUT STAY ASLEEP!!!! PLEASE!!!!!" This time I'm doomed for real...
Aaaaand suddenly Kim is there. Kicking Misery in the head.
"Goddamn but you new students are noisy," Kim says, glaring at Tsugumi.
That's it, Tsugumi think-bubbles, I'm going to pass out now...
"This is Shibusen, so even if your Dorm Supervisor is a psychopath you still have to learn to live with her!" Kim berates Tsugumi as Tsugumi slips into unconsciousness. "Pull yourself together and stop making such a fuss about it!"
No way... This is crazy...
The next morning, Anya wakes up and yawns. "Good morning," she says.
Then she turns her head and sees that Tsugumi is still tied down to her bed, with Me-Me spooning her. "What in the world were you two doing over there while I was asleep? How filthy..."
Some time later, Tsugumi is finally up and dressed, and wandering around the dorm. "I wonder who that girl was that saved me yesterday?" Tsugumi says. You mean that girl who told you to suck it up and stop whining just because your dorm supervisor was trying to beat you with a sledgehammer? Her eyes where so bright and shiny, and she was so cute, just like one of those idol girls!
OH HEY TSUGUMI'S REPRESSED LESBIAN TENDENCIES
DIDN'T THINK WE'D SEE YOU COME TO THE SURFACE SO EARLY IN THIS SERIES
I mean seriously I kind of assumed that we would at least get a few more chapters of Tsugumi being all "I LIKE BOYS AND ME-ME AND ANYA ARE MAKING ME REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE WATCH ME MAKE UNCOMFORTABLE FACES" before we would see anything like Tsugumi getting googley-eyed over a girl who has so far done nothing but yell at Tsugumi while Tsugumi was tied down to a bed.
Kinky.
Suddenly, Tsugumi sees her mystery savior! And oh my god there are actually HEARTS in her word bubble when she sees Kim.
I think I figured out why Tsugumi isn't into Anya or Me-Me yet. It's not that she's straight as an arrow. It's that apparently she's only attracted to women who yell at her when she's tied up and helpless, and neither Anya nor Me-Me has tried doing that yet.
This is awesome.
While Tsugumi is about to talk to Kim, Eternal Feather rounds a corner and sees Tsugumi. "Ah, Harudori-san! Did you sleep well last... !!"
Eternal Feather ducks back behind her corner as soon as she sees Kim. It's the Witch of the Girls' Dormitory!! Kim Diehl!!
"Thank you very much for last night!" Tsugumi tells Kim cheerfully. "I was saved thanks to you!"
Kim holds out her hand to Tsugumi. "Well, come on," she says.
"Yes?"
"Money, obviously. My money. You just said that you were saved thanks to me, didn't you? And you just recieved your weekly allowance, didn't you? I'm telling you to hand it all over to me. Now."
Tsugumi's jaw drops. "WHAAAAAAAT?!" She's even scarier than the Witch!
"Hurry. Up," Kim says threateningly.
"Okaaaaaaaaay..."
This can't be happening...
Lurking behind her corner, Eternal Feather watches the exchange.
"Here," Kim says. "I'll leave you enough for food for today." Oh so generous.
What a nice person... Tsugumi narrates. Sarcastically, I assume.
Well, that's just her way of doing things! Eternal Feather think-bubbles.
Kim smiles and waves cheerfully to Tsugumi as she walks away with Tsugumi's money. Dejected, Tsugumi walks back to her room. "What should I do...? I can't face Me-Me-san or Anya-san like this, it's humiliating..." But I have no choice. I'll have to borrow money from the two of them.
Tsugumi opens the door to her room. And immediately plotzes. "Wh... What is all of this stuff...?"
"Oh, Tsugumi-san." Anya greets Tsugumi with a smile. "I went into town and bought all of these things this morning."
"All of this? But this must have cost your entire weekly allowance..."
"Um, Tsugumi-san?" Me-Me says, appearing behind Tsugumi. "Have you seen my allowance anywhere? I can't remember where I put it..."
"WHAAAAT?!"
"Oh, it was such a small amount anyway, there's no need to worry about it!" Anya reassures Me-Me while taking a bite of her taiyaki.
"Okay, as long as Anya-san says so!" Me-Me agrees, also chowing down on taiyaki.
Meanwhile, Tsugumi goes into catatonic shock and drools ellipses all over the floor.
"Tsugumi-san, would you like one too?" Anya says, offering Tsugumi a taiyaki. "It's not as though I was particularly interested in them or anything, but I did buy these things called 'taiyaki' for us. They're still fresh and hot."
So finally Tsugumi finds her zen and takes the taiyaki from Anya. She bites into it. "So yummy~" she sighs.
So that's it for this month's chapter! Next month will be another color illustration and presumably some job-related drama!
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Two chapters in and it has already endeared me to the spinoff with all its lovely world-building.
I wonder if Maka, Soul and the rest of the gang (bar Team Kidd) lived in dormitories before pairing up properly or if the dormitory's are permanent living spaces.
Oh, such wonderful plotbunnies coming to mind- shame I don't write fanfiction any more.
And as always, your recaps are very much appreciated by all, thanks Nenena =D
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