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Soul Eater Chapter 62: Because she's invincible, that's why.
Love. Love is in the air! And it's time for another Soul Eater recap. This month, we have sexy fun times! Lots of sexy fun times! Even Giriko and Justin are flirting with each other, you guys. It's like everybody's twitterpated in this chapter. Seriously. Anyway, let's get down to business.
Opening page: A bunch of floating souls.
Narration: Shinigami Buki Shokunin Senmongakkou. The students here are either "technicians" or "weapons." If a technician can feed her weapon ninety-nine human souls and one witch's soul, she can make him into a weapon worthy of being wielded by Shinigami himself, a "Death Scythe."
Because we, uh, needed to have this review?
I guess so. The theme for this chapter is "BACK TO BASICS!!!!" which is pretty much the point of this lovely pic:
Click for high-res!
(*checks clock*)
Two hours.
I just spent two hours editing the bleedthrough and the tears out of that scan, and even then, I couldn't salvage any of the middle section save for a bit of Maka's ponytail.
GODFUCKDAMMIT, GANGAN. Why'd you have to stick that spread right in the middle of a big glob of binding glue?!?! And why did you have to print an advertisement for Soul Art on the other side of Black Star's page?! Whhhhyyyyyy?!
Fuck you, GanGan. Fuck you.
But hark! What's this naow? It's![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
papel_luna to the rescue!!!
Click for high-res!
THANK YOUpapel_luna! And thank you for saving me from my scanning fail.
Okay, recap time.
We open in the middle of the night, in Death City, with... a monster! (I told you this was back-to-basic, right?)
Here is the monster:
Oh yeah, and there's Maka. In case you can't tell, Maka's coat is, from this point onward, going to be permanently stuck in swirly-black-blood mode every time that she fights someone.
Oh but wait, dialogue! "Your God can kiss my ass," the monster says, "you Shibusen bitch."
(That's not being colorful with the translation there, she actually does call Maka an abazure, which is reaaaalllly vulgar by Japanese standards.)
Maka glares down at her prey. "Murderous soul Frey D. Sadako," Maka declares.Oh, Ohkubo! "Who makes her victims listen to a cursed record and then murders them within their dreams."
Okay kids, now say it with me! One, two, three!
"Omae no tamashi, itadaku yo!"
Oh, Ohkubo!
Soul (WTF sycthe form but not naked?!) smiles grimly at Maka. "Maka... With this soul, we'll finally..."
"Yup!!" Maka leaps down toward Frey. Sadako. Eh, I'll call her Frey.
As Frey and Maka spar, Maka screams, "You will be my hundredth soul!!"
Wait, what?
Frey extends her nails to strike at Maka. "Nine Inch NAILS!!"
.....
.....
No, I'm not gonna give anOh, Ohkubo! to that one. That was kind of lame.
Anyway. Kill time. Maka slices Frey in half, poses like a complete badass, and oh my gosh those swirly coat tails are looking epic.
Soul returns to his human form, grabs Frey's leftover soul, and says, a bit nervously, "So this makes one hundred..."
Really? Really?!?!And isn't that one too many, anyway? (Edited to add: Okay, this explains the 100 souls thing. Thank you!!)
Just how long have Maka and Soul been putzing around killing people who are not Noah while poor Kid is still stuck in the freakin' Book of Eibon?!
Well I guess evil never rests, and Shibusen can't ignore all the murderers in the world just to focus their resources on one missing student. But still. If this narrative isn't going to concern itself with Kid and his predicament anymore, I guess we're just left with our speculations.
Specifically, if there isn't going to be a rescue mission anytime soon, then maybe Kid will have to take matters into his own hands. Sure, rescue is nice, but escape is somehow sweeter.
How many possibilities can we come up with for ways that Kid could escape from Noah? As the Japanese say, LET'S TRY!
Here, I'll get the ball rolling.
POSSIBLE ESCAPE SCENARIO #629B: THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS GAMBIT
Scenario: It's the classic "hostage taking another hostage" ironic twist. Kid gets his hands on a valuable piece of Noah's collection and threatens to rip its head off unless Noah lets him go.
Dependant upon: Kid having access to other parts/members of Noah's collection.
How this is going to play out:
Notes: Unfortunately, the Silence of the Lambs Gambit did not actually work in The Silence of the Lambs. But maybe Kid will have better luck.
Edited to add: Now in comic form!!!!
Back to Shibusen. Where Kid is not.
Tsubaki and Nygus, dressed in what appear to be vaguely martial-art-ish karate/judo/tai kwan do uniforms, are watching Kim spar unsuccessfully against her opponent, another girl. "Amazing," Tsubaki comments. Kim's opponent turns her head and...
AW HELL YEAH
IT'S PATTI!!!! YAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!
Jackie is also watching the badassery. "This is Patti's fifth match in a row, and her movements haven't weakened at all."
More sparring. Patti blocks every attack that Kim makes. "It's almost a shame that we're using her as a weapon," Nygus comments.
Patti flips Kim over and slams her to the ground. "Oooowwwwww," Kim groans. "I didn't even stand a chance..."
Patti just grins at her. "Hee hee," she laughs.
See, this? This is why Patti is terrifying. Awesome, but terrifying. Not unlike her partner, of course. And not unlike Shinigami-sama himself. I think there's great irony in the fact that Kid gets along so well with Patti and yet has such massive *issues* with his own father, despite the fact that they're both similar in so many ways.
Awesome, but terrifying. Hmmmm.
I suspect that if we ever get around to having Shinigami-sama become involved in Kid's rescue, it will be an opportunity for lots of dramatic father-son bonding and burying of the hatchet. Also killing. Lots of killing. Father-son bonding through killing! 'Cause that's just how shinigami roll.
POSSIBLE RESCUE SCENARIO #4282L-2: THE T-REX CONSEQUENCE
Scenario: Have you ever seen Jurassic Park II? Have you? Well apparently, Noah hasn't. Or else he would know that there is a very, very good reason why you're not supposed to abduct the little baby T-Rex, no matter how cute, cuddly, vulnerable, or (yes) collectible it may appear to be. To quote Dr. Ian Malcolm: "Mommy's very angry."
Dependant upon: Noah being stupid enough to get within Shinigami-sama's truck-throwing range.
How this is going to play out:
Notes: Post-victory father-son bonding via chowing down on a bonus evil theme park tycoon is strictly optional.
Edited to add: Now in comic form!!!!
Granted, that's more of a rescue scenario than an escape scenario. A true escape scenario, however, could easily play upon the inevitability of the T-Rex Consequence.
POSSIBLE ESCAPE SCENARIO #147C: THE METANARRATIVE PSYCHE-OUT
Scenario: Kid convinces Noah to let him go by pointing out the futility of Noah's dumbass take-over-the-world plot.
Dependant upon: Kid actually developing genre-savviness.
How this is going to play out:
Notes: I really do believe that Noah would have a lucrative and much less life-threatening career as a recurring minion-level villain in Pretty Cure.
But anyway, back to the dojo.
Next we cut to Ox and Harvar, who are also watching the carnage. Poor Ox. He has a split lip, a bloody nose, and his glasses lenses are cracked. But!
He has hair.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen. Ox Ford now officially has hair.
"Because she's been fighting with Kid, it's been hidden until now," Ox comments, "but she really is strong. Even the great Lightning King couldn't touch her. But then again, we are indoors."
Ox and Harvar comment in unison, "In terms of sheer physical power, she might even be on Maka's level."
"No," Harvar continues. "It looks like she still has even more power than what she's shown so far."
GOOD GOD, OHKUBO, COULD YOU FANBOY PATTI ANY MORE OBVIOUSLY?!
Thankfully, neither our author-God nor our resident fanboys are swayed for long by the power of Patti's awesome. "Kim is still the cutest, though," Ox comments.
"...Yes. Yes, she is," Harvar deadpans.
Meanwhile, Liz is over with some other students, squeeing her brains out. "That's my little sister!! Over there! My little sister! Whaddya think?! Isn't she amazing?!?!"
The students are backing away slowly, sharing a mutual thought bubble: We know.
Tsubaki watches this, smiling. "Liz-chan is proud of Patti-chan. I would be proud too, if Black Star could beat Patti."
Pan! The sound effect of a boy hitting his fist against his hand. Who could those bandaged hands belong to?
Aw hell yeah. It's Black Star. "Alll right, then! I'm gonna be your next opponent, Patti," he says as he tightens his belt. Black Star's hands and forearms are still bandaged, but the rest of him appears to be completely healed. Oh, and he also has a deep scar dramatically slashed right through the star tattoo on his shoulder. Symbolic, ooooooh. "I'm gonna give you a taste of how strict the real world is!" Black Star brags.
A bunch of the watching students start word-bubbling all over the place. "It's Black Star..." "But what about his injuries...?" "But look at that scar..." "Yeah..." "It looks painful..."
oh fuck no ohkubo don't do this to me you bastard! don't do this!
the ellipses buuuuuuuuurn meeeeeeeeee
"Kim," Jackie says, "couldn't you do something about that scar with your healing magic?"
"Yeah," Kim says, flashing back to a scene showing her using her magic on Black Star while he was still hospitalized. "I visited him so many times, just trying to use my powers to heal that scar, but my magic never had any effect."
"Hmph," Black Star sniffs. "Like my totally awesome scar could ever be healed by your boring old magic."
"What?!" Kim explodes. "That's it!! Fuck doing this out of kindness!! I'm gonna start charging people for healing!!"
"Just kidding, just kidding," Black Star says. "Sorry. But here, lemme tell you. I made a promise. I swore to that guy that I was gonna become a bushin. That's not something that can be erased so easily." He's talking about the promise, but touching his scar. And getting all dark and dramatic. While also at the same time pushing up his sleeve to reveal more of his biceps. And more of his unfathomable angst. But mostly more of his biceps.
And suddenly every girl in the room is staring at him with sparkles in their eyes and blushes on their cheeks. "Oh.. Okay..." Kim says, breathlessly. And Ox is in the background doing a double-take: "Kim, not you too! Noooo!"
And then OH HEY LOOK YOU GUYS IT'S ANGELA!!!! YAAAAAAAAAY!!!!! And she is wearing a super-cute little jacket and skirt, too. She looks up at Black Star with her eyes wide. "Oooooh, are you going to fight someone?"
"Yup. You'd better watch close, Angela. I'm gonna show you my true strength!"
Patti and Black Star take their places on the mats, facing off. Nygus stands between then.
Killik is there too, watching from the sidelines. "No matter what kind of moves Patti's got, this is Black Star that we're talking about here. She doesn't stand a chance."
"It would be the same for you, wouldn't it be, Killik?" Jackie comments.
Nygus signals the start of the fight. "Go!"
But Black Star suddenly holds up his hands. "Time out, time out," he says. "Just a plain old fight would be boring, right? I think I should be restrained or tied up or something. Yeah, that would be a good idea..."
Hmm.
Er...
Hum.
I guess that if last month was Black Star Shota Bandage Fetish Fanservice Month, then this month is going to be Black Star Shota Bondage Fetish Fanservice Month. It's only one letter of difference, anyway!
Black Star walks over toward Tsubaki. "Tsubaki... To start with, please tie my arms together."
"Ah... Okay!" Tsubaki says. We can't see her face in this panel, but I'm wondering if she's not going ^_____________^ right now.
"Oh yeah," Black Star says, as Tsubaki binds his arms together, "I should probably hold back on using my wavelength attack, too. That's only fair..."
Patti watches him for a moment, her face blank. She makes an "...." word bubble.
and then
her face
morphs into
THE SCARY PATTI FACE
I have not the words to describe what happens next. Thus, I shall scan it:
Oh yeah. It's just not a proper Black Star story without a catastrophic testicular injury, is it?
Black Star collapses to the ground. "But... I said... time out... No fair..."
"The match had already begun," Nygus says, zero sympathy in her eyes. "It's your fault for turning your back on your opponent."
Black Star is now curled in a fetal position on the ground, clutching at his crotch. Angela walks over to him and kicks him in the head. Awwww, she's wearing adorable little Mary Jane shoes. D'awwwwww. "Ha ha, you suck!" Angela declares.
"If you're gonna kick me," Black Star whines piteously, "at least kick me over onto my back..." Because his hands are still tied up, you see.
And then Angela kicks Black Star until he flips over on his back. Black Star spreads his legs apart. "K-Kim... Please use your healing magic to make my wee-wee happy again..."
(Again, that's not me being colorful with the translation there. Ore no chinchin genki ni sasete kure... Oh, Black Star.)
"UGH, NO!" Kim shouts. "What are you, a moron?!"
Meanwhile, it appears as though Black Star has lost all of the sparkle karma that he had with his fangirl brigade just a few minutes earlier. "Ugh, what a loser," one comments. "I guess he's still Black Star after all..."
So in the space of three pages, Black Star has attempted to wrestle with Patti, asked Tsubaki to tie him up, and then begged Kim to touch his penis. I don't know if that makes him the biggest loser in this chapter, or the hands-down winner. I really don't know.
"Didja see that?! Didja see that?!" Liz is still in squee mode. "That's my little sister! That's my little sister who just beat Black Star!! Isn't that amazing?!"
Meanwhile, Tsubaki makes an epic facepalm. "Aaah... Black Star..."
Liz smiles, watching Patti make her victory strut around the gym. Dojo. Wherever they are.
Then Liz's smile fades. "But... It would still be best if all of this training turned out to be a waste of time." Kid... Please be okay... she think-bubbles.
Tsubaki comforts Liz. "I'm sure that he's all right. Because he's Kid."
Uh....
You people remember that Kid is rarely if ever "all right," don't you? Even in the best of circumstances.
"No duh he's all right!!" Black Star adds. "Dude, it's Kid. He's gonna find a way to end this perfectly, you know?! Patti believes in him. That's why she can concentrate on fighting, even in these circumstances," Black Star goes on, watching Patti kick another opponent in the head. "I believe in him, too," Black Star finishes. "You do too, don't you, Liz?"
"Yeah," Liz says, smiling sadly to herself. And then-- oh no no no no no waitaminute full stop.
Believe in Kid? Really?!
Look. Kid's the one who got himself into that mess in the first place, due to being a complete and utter dumbass. Now that Black Star has started to pull his head out of his ass, that makes Kid officially the least reliable hero amongst the main cast. And what exactly are they supposed to "believe" in him to do, anyway? He's stuck in a book! He can't do anything!
Unless there's someone else in there who can help him.
POSSIBLE ESCAPE SCENARIO #743N4 : THE FINDING NEMO REBELLION
Scenario: Kid either organizes the other victims of Noah's collection into a daring rebellion/escape plan, or (in the more likely scenario) gets onboard with a daring rebellion/escape plan that an older veteran of the collection, possibly a fish voiced by Willem Dafoe, has already set in motion.
Dependant upon: There actually being other people stuck inside the Book of Eibon, and Kid having some way of interacting with them.
How this is going to play out:
Notes: All joking aside, I think I would just about die of awesome if a similar scenario actually played out in canon. Not the fish porn. I mean the collection having a mutiny. That would be awesome.
Edited to add: Now in comic form!!!!
Unless there is nobody else in the collection that Kid can tap for help. In which case... Yes, we should believe in Kid! Believe in him!!
POSSIBLE ESCAPE SCENARIO 5938X: THE RANSOM OF RED CHIEF IRONIC TWIST ENDING
Scenario: Noah gets fed up with having a defective shinigami in his collection, and ditches Kid in order to seek out a less headdesk-inducing specimen.
Dependant upon: Kid just being himself. His spoiled, dick-headed, obsessive-compulsive, insufferable self.
How this is going to play out:
Notes: Failing to learn his lesson, Noah next moves on to hunting Excalibur instead.
Edited to add: Now in comic form!!!!
Back to the dojo. Sid shows up, walks over to Nygus, and starts talking to her.
"Oh?" Tsubaki says, watching this with Black Star from a short distance away. "Sid-sensei...? I wonder if something happened. Can you hear what they're saying, Black Star?"
Black Star grins. "Yeah, I can. The Professor and Miss Marie just returned to Shibusen."
Scene change! Death Room. Marie, Stein, and Spirit are standing around, looking grim. Shinigami-sama is, well, looking the way that he always looks.
Stein bows his head before Shinigami-sama. "First," he says, "For defying your orders and running off on my own, I deeply apologize."
"As someone who aided and abetted Stein in this matter," Spirit adds, "I also apologize."
Marie raises her hand. "Ummm, I went with him too..."
"Okaaaaay," Shinigami-sama says. "Now all of you, say 'I'm sorry.'"
Stein, Marie, and Spirit bow and say simultaneously, "I'm sorry!"
"OK, OK!" Shinigami-sama says. Well. That was easy.
Sometimes it's hard to remember that this guy is indeed the Big Daddy T-Rex in this world.
"All right then," Stein says. "I do not apologize for seeking to find proof of my innocence, or for seeking to discover the identity of the real killer. Having accomplished both, I have returned here. Marie, if you please?"
"Yes!" Marie pulls a tape recorder out of her pocket. "This is it."
"A tape recorder?" Shinigami-sama asks.
"Using this, we recorded our conversation with the true killer," Stein explains. "He said a number of things which essentially are the same as him confessing to the crime."
"Oooooh, shinybuttons!" Shinigami-sama explains. "Hurry up, lemme hear it!"
Marie presses the 'play' button. But, alas! All that they can hear is the thumping rock music that was being spewed from Justin's giant coffin speaker.
"....." goes the Shinigami-sama.
"Well that's certainly... noisy," Spirit comments.
"Please wait a moment!" Marie says. "Right after this part, I think... No, after this part..."
But the music keeps pumping along. There's nothing but music until the tape finally reaches its end with a dramatic click!
"Aw, it's over," Spirit says, momentarily donning the Captain Obvious hat.
Stein, however, merely turns his head-bolt and grins.Oh, Ohkubo! "Ooopsies, I guess we didn't manage to record anything but background noise..."
"This isn't an 'oopsies' sort of situation!" Spirit snaps at him. "Don't you even remember why we risked our necks to let you and Marie escape in the first place?!" Then he get a grip on himself and calms down. "Ahem," Spirit coughs. "Anyway... We have also done some of our own investigation. We were able to find the report that BJ had hidden before his death. Azusa was able to discern many things from her own independent investigation as well. With that, we finally understood the full extent of just how many times Justin Law has betrayed us..."
"It was after the Brew battle, wasn't it," Stein says. "He must have come into contact with something, God knows what... It was after that time, that he began to display some suspicious behaviors."
"Right," Spirit says. "Hmmm... It looks like you two weren't just partying the nights away during your honeymoon, after all."
OH SNAP
"Ha ha ha ha!" Stein laughs, somehow managing to look only slightly creepy as he does so.
"Cut it out!" Marie says, angrily. "Even as a joke, I don't want to think about going on a honeymoon with a pervert like this guy!"
Pervert? Really? Oh come on. We know that Stein is a sadist, but a pervert?! Since when? It was anime!Stein who got all hot and bothered for six-year-old Medusa. Manga!Stein has so far only displayed one attraction, to one admittedly very attractive adult woman, and she was the one who was throwing herself all over him. So it hardly makes him a pervert for drooling when Medusa jiggled her boobs in his face.
Besides, I think we all know who the real perverts in the manga are. There's Spirit, of course. And Marie herself, who wanted to marry a toilet. And Blair, who's all about running around sky-clad. Oh, sky-clad. And Black Star, who just wants a nice girl to tie him up and make his wee-wee happy again. And Kid, who apparently gropes Liz and Patti's chests on a regular basis. And then there's Noah.
Oh, Noah.
POSSIBLE ESCAPE SCENARIO #666: HOISTED BY THE PEDOBEAR PETARD
Scenario: It turns out that Noah isn't terribly interested in keeping any part of his collection that he cannot easily smex up, for whatever reason.
Dependant upon: Noah actually turning out to be the pedophile that we all think he is.
How this is going to play out:
Notes: Justin is young by some standards, but definitely too old to float Noah's boat.
Back to the boring exposition! Now it's Stein's turn to wear the Captain Exposition hat. "We had Justin cornered... But in the end, somehow he managed to get away. He used a demon tool as his method of escape. There is a high possibility that Justin may now have a connection to someone who is well-versed in heretical magic."
"A witch?" Spirit speculates.
"I wonder about that..." Stein says. "It may be someone or something else altogether."
"The unknown magician who abducted Kid," Shinigami-sama says, his face (as always) a blank, unreadable mask. "I'm a bit worried about that magician, too..."
A bit worried.
A bit worried.
A bit worried.
About the magician. Literally, in Japanese, he said "I'm a bit worried about that magician's existence." EXISTENCE.
HE IS A BIT WORRIED ABOUT THE MAGICIAN'S EXISTENCE.
As opposed to, you know, being worried about the immediate peril that his own son is in. Father of the fucking year, indeed.
But speaking of that worrisome magician... Scene change!
We see Noah. And Noah's book. And Justin coming out of the book.
Waitaminute. Noah looks... different. There's something different about him in these panels. Hmmm. What is it?
"So, how did it go?" Noah asks Justin. I still think he looks somehow different, but... hmmm.
Justin wipes a bit of blood from his mouth. "The 'Strongest Fighter in Shibusen' and 'The Pulverizer' interfered with my mission," Justin reports. We turn the page and...
DUDE WTF NOAH
RANDOM BELTS ALL OVER YOUR BODY? REALLY?! REALLY?!
ZOMG IT'S LIKE NOAH FELL OUT OF THE TETSUYA NOMURA TREE AND HIT EVERY LULU BRANCH ON THE WAY DOWN and I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, but now he just looks STUPID.
Then again, this is the guy who built a robot puppy as his "ultimate" weapon. An eeeeeeeevil robot puppy, but still. He's also the only character in the manga thus far to actually have a little heart written into one of his word bubbles. Maybe "stupid" fits Noah better than I thought.
Plus, you know, he kidnapped the baby T-Rex. That is stupidity squared.
Noah needs to buy himself some genre-savvy, STAT. I mean, just look at him. Look at that picture. He's surrounded himself with the evil Clown 2.0, which he presumably has no control over; Justin, who is batshit and unpredictable and known to betray his superiors; and Giriko, who so far has spent this entire series wasting both his chainsaw-based and magic-based (yes, he's a magician too, remember?) abilities on boozing, flirting with maids, and sleeping. Plus random PedoBait Cannon Fodder Kid in the background, there. It's like Noah doesn't even understand the rules of the game that he's playing.
Hmmm.... If Shibusen does get their shit together and come after Noah in order to rescue Kid, then Noah's screwed.
POSSIBLE RESCUE SCENARIO #3061Q4R: PATRIARCHAL STORYTELLING TROPES TRUMP ALL
Scenario: In a battle between two opposing forces, if one side of the conflict is armed with a vagina dentata but the opposite side is armed with phallic weaponry, the side with the phallic weaponry always wins. No exceptions. None. So basically, Noah's fate is already sealed: His vagina dentata book may be scary as shit, but Shibusen has guns... and swords... and bigger guns... and really, really big swords...
Dependant upon: There is no contingency here. It always happens. Always. It doesn't matter that Noah has a scary vagina dentata book and some scary, scary vagina dentata worms at his disposal. He doesn't have a GUN. He doesn't have a SWORD. He has a guillotine, which doesn't count, and a chainsaw, which only maybe counts if you stretch, although said chainsaw apparently prefers to fight without transforming into his most phallic form available. Whereas Noah's enemies? Have GUNS. And SWORDS. Noah is toast.
How this is going to play out:
Notes: I just realized that Maka may actually be at a disadvantage here, because a scythe isn't one of the most obviously phallic weapons that she could use. Then again... Soul does get bigger with every power-up. He kind of swells up, in fact. And there's a joke to be made about getting the black blood flowing here. But I'm not going to make it.
Aw hell, it's not like Shibusen would even need the universal laws of patriarchal storytelling tropes on their side in order to win against Noah. They have Maka. They have Maka, who is apparently fucking invincible and pumped up on the power of black blood and like, a hundred souls already. If Noah had stuck around to see what happened to Arachne in the end, he would know better than to keep poking at a sleeping Shinigami-sama with his stick. Because Shinigami-sama will send Maka to bust his ass.
POSSIBLE RESCUE SCENARIO #4242564: DUES EX MAKINA
Scenario: Maka and Soul use the power of the black blood to initiate some sort of ridiculous insane powerup that magically defeats Noah.
Dependant upon: Soul's little brain-imp continuing to forget that he's trying to kill Soul.
How this is going to play out:
Notes: In a related subplot, Black Star also discovers that in Fey Blade mode he can run around the equator of the Earth so fast that he can actually cause the planet to reverse its gravitational spin and travel back in time.
Edited to add: Now in comic form!!!!
Enough speculation. Back to our villains.
Our villains are going to spend the next page being vaguely, ominously villainous. Giriko gets the ball rolling. "Ha ha," he laughs at Justin. "So your great act of courage was running away with your tail between your legs? Pathetic."
Justin giggles. Kusu. My God, Japanese really does have the most terrifying "giggle" sound effects. Kusu! "Oh? Is Little Miss Snow White talking in her sleep again?"
"You asshole! You're pissing me off already!!"
Clown 2.0 starts whistling, for some reason.
And now it is PedoBait Cannon Fodder Kid's turn to speak. "Noah-sama," he says. Now that we can see his eyes and face, it appears as though whoever he is, he is definitely in the bi side of bishounen. "As for the assassination of Maka Albarn, I believe that I would be most suited for that role."
Oh, I'm sure that's going to work out real well for him.
But Noah just smiles, because he has no idea how badass Maka Albarn is. Or how stupid he looks with those belts. Stupid, stupid, stupid. "Sure," Noah says. "Go ahead."
Inside the book, Kid, who has apparently overheard this entire conversation, clenches his fists and grits his teeth. "These vermin..." he snarls."And oh hey wow, Justin killed BJ? Did I hear that right? Huh. I predicted Stein, personally. Goddammit. When I get out of this book, I'm going to owe Kim ten dollars."
Well, I guess that two panels of Kid are all that we're going to get this month. Because now it's time for a
Scene change! SHIBUSEN!!
(I'm so not kidding, the narration box actually says SHIBUSEN!! in giant bold letters with two exclamation points.)
Maka and Soul are back at the Death Room. "Scythe technician Maka Albarn!" "Demon scythe Soul Eater!" "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!"
"O-oh, did you change your clothes?" Shinigami-sama asks. Because, you know. Fashion: It is more important than his own son.
And Spirit, of course, is freaking out. "Sooooo cuuuuuuuute!" he gushes. And what is Maka wearing that is so very cute? Why, it's her school uniform from the Soul Art school uniform illustration! And Soul is in his school uniform from that same pic, too.
"And with this," Shinigami-sama says, "We can complete the formation of the 'Shibusen Elite Corps', or 'SPARTOI' for short--"
(*Shibusen Seiei Butai = SPARTOI. Yeah, I know. Don't question it. He's high on cocaine, okay?HOOKERS AND ICE CREAM KU KU KU YE-EAH!)
" 'Spartoi'?" Maka asks.
"It's Greek for 'those who are sown,'" Stein explains. "Mythical creatures, born from the teeth of a dragon sewn into the Earth, meant to battle insanity itself. That fits you two perfectly, doesn't it?"
NO IT DOESN'T WTF
And then Maka and Soul both realize what Stein is really saying, beneath all of the crazypants rambling about dragon teeth and magical Greek giant men. "Professor?!" Oh yeah, they both just got tagged to join the Spartoi.
Soul asks, "But then, what about the elite youth corps?"
"I wanted to call it the Shibu Kids Corps," Shinigami-sama whines, "Buuuuut Stein said that was a silly name, so he went ahead and changed it~~"
Maka: "....."
Soul: "....."
And then suddenly Maka throws herself at Stein and hugs him like a mofo. "Professor!!" Maka cries. "Thank God you came back to us!! Really..."
Marie watches as Stein and Maka hug. It looks like the students really did miss you, Stein, she think-bubbles.
Spirit is there too, I guess, because now he steps forward. "The official formation of the Spartoi," he says, "as well as the birth of a new Death Scythe. Congratulations, Soul!" he says, presenting Soul with a very, very familiar looking eight-legged witch's soul. "Here is the witch's soul that you two previously earned."
Final three pages, no dialogue.
Click for high-res!
And that's it, folks. That's it until next month.
(I will LOL so, so hard if next month's chapter open with another waa waa waaaaaaaa power-up FAIL on Soul's part. I doubt that will happen, since I suppose that's already his Death Scythe form shown in the opening illustration. But still. The lulz could be EPIC.)
So let's review the plot threads that we still have dangling right now:
1. The kishin is still out there, and the world is still going crazy.
2. Crona needs rescuing.
3. Kid needs rescuing. Unless he manages to escape.
4. Medusa is still at large.
5. Noah is... Well, I dunno what the hell exactly Noah is doing, running around with his gang and his belts and his book and his Clown and his fashion failures and his hellworms and whatever the hell else he's got up his sleeve. Apparently he wants to kill Maka. Okay, then what? I thought that collecting people was his villain gimmick. Is he going to target another character? Who would be the most likely candidates? Maybe Kim (a witch with one-of-a-kind healing abilities), or Tsubaki (the most awesome weapon in the universe, basically), or Crona, or Excalibur, or even Wes (oh my god that storyline would be godly).
Is Kid ever going to get out of that book?
I really think it's not going to happen, unless he takes matters into his own hands.
POSSIBLE ESCAPE SCENARIO #1999: THE EXCEL SAGA SOLUTION
Scenario: Kid decides to break the fourth wall and kill his own creator. Possibly while being joined by Crona as well.
Dependant upon: Atsushi Ohkubo suddenly becoming trapped in some nightmarish The Dark Half-like scenario in which his own fictional characters come to life, and try to kill him.
How this is going to play out:
Notes: I guess I should also point out that the Excel Saga Solution did not actually work in Excel Saga. It kind of backfired in The Dark Half too, actually. But that was because... Oh crap, I can't even remember how The Dark Half was resolved. Something about how the author character ended up destroying his evil fictional creation by suddenly gaining inexplicable demon-slaying powers due to the fact that he had a vestigal twin's eyeballs buried in his brain and some sort of mystical connection to the magical properties of the common sparrow, or something. It was pretty convoluted. But, anyway. Does Ohkubo have an extra pair of eyes inside his brain? Or inexplicable sparrow-powered magical powers? No?? Then he's screwed.
To such extremes have we been reduced.
I leave you all now with a totally unfunny and boring but, unfortunately, quite necessary FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS section.
1. WHERE'S THE RAW?!
I don't know. It's probably not out yet (as of this writing).
2. Where can I download the raw?!
I really, really don't know.
3. When is the raw coming out?!
Why would I even know that?
4. Why isn't the raw out yet?!?!
Because somebody (not me) has to take the time to scan it. Keep your pants on. There's somebody out there who's willing to risk their necks and their ISP in order to give you free pirated manga. It's really not going to kill you to wait a few days for it. Really.
5. Why don't YOU scan the raw?!
I scan enough shit for y'all, I think. I only have so much free time to devote to scanning and editing pics. Somebody else is going to inevitably scan the raw. I'm not going to, because I'd rather scan other things instead.
Oh, and aside from the above FAQ, here is one ground rule that I would like to lay down:
If you directly quote and/or paraphrase this recap somewhere else on the internet, PLEASE give a link back to this post! That's only common courtesy. Thank you.
ETA June 13th: Fixed two translation errors. Sorry about that!
ETA June 16th: Moar reactions and observations here.
Opening page: A bunch of floating souls.
Narration: Shinigami Buki Shokunin Senmongakkou. The students here are either "technicians" or "weapons." If a technician can feed her weapon ninety-nine human souls and one witch's soul, she can make him into a weapon worthy of being wielded by Shinigami himself, a "Death Scythe."
Because we, uh, needed to have this review?
I guess so. The theme for this chapter is "BACK TO BASICS!!!!" which is pretty much the point of this lovely pic:
Click for high-res!
(*checks clock*)
Two hours.
I just spent two hours editing the bleedthrough and the tears out of that scan, and even then, I couldn't salvage any of the middle section save for a bit of Maka's ponytail.
GODFUCKDAMMIT, GANGAN. Why'd you have to stick that spread right in the middle of a big glob of binding glue?!?! And why did you have to print an advertisement for Soul Art on the other side of Black Star's page?! Whhhhyyyyyy?!
Fuck you, GanGan. Fuck you.
But hark! What's this naow? It's
papel_luna to the rescue!!!
Click for high-res!
THANK YOU
papel_luna! And thank you for saving me from my scanning fail.Okay, recap time.
We open in the middle of the night, in Death City, with... a monster! (I told you this was back-to-basic, right?)
Here is the monster:
Oh yeah, and there's Maka. In case you can't tell, Maka's coat is, from this point onward, going to be permanently stuck in swirly-black-blood mode every time that she fights someone.
Oh but wait, dialogue! "Your God can kiss my ass," the monster says, "you Shibusen bitch."
(That's not being colorful with the translation there, she actually does call Maka an abazure, which is reaaaalllly vulgar by Japanese standards.)
Maka glares down at her prey. "Murderous soul Frey D. Sadako," Maka declares.
Okay kids, now say it with me! One, two, three!
"Omae no tamashi, itadaku yo!"
Soul (WTF sycthe form but not naked?!) smiles grimly at Maka. "Maka... With this soul, we'll finally..."
"Yup!!" Maka leaps down toward Frey. Sadako. Eh, I'll call her Frey.
As Frey and Maka spar, Maka screams, "You will be my hundredth soul!!"
Wait, what?
Frey extends her nails to strike at Maka. "Nine Inch NAILS!!"
.....
.....
No, I'm not gonna give an
Anyway. Kill time. Maka slices Frey in half, poses like a complete badass, and oh my gosh those swirly coat tails are looking epic.
Soul returns to his human form, grabs Frey's leftover soul, and says, a bit nervously, "So this makes one hundred..."
Really? Really?!?!
Just how long have Maka and Soul been putzing around killing people who are not Noah while poor Kid is still stuck in the freakin' Book of Eibon?!
Well I guess evil never rests, and Shibusen can't ignore all the murderers in the world just to focus their resources on one missing student. But still. If this narrative isn't going to concern itself with Kid and his predicament anymore, I guess we're just left with our speculations.
Specifically, if there isn't going to be a rescue mission anytime soon, then maybe Kid will have to take matters into his own hands. Sure, rescue is nice, but escape is somehow sweeter.
How many possibilities can we come up with for ways that Kid could escape from Noah? As the Japanese say, LET'S TRY!
Here, I'll get the ball rolling.
Scenario: It's the classic "hostage taking another hostage" ironic twist. Kid gets his hands on a valuable piece of Noah's collection and threatens to rip its head off unless Noah lets him go.
Dependant upon: Kid having access to other parts/members of Noah's collection.
How this is going to play out:
KID: Mister! Hey, Mister! Yeah I got your mint condition Story Book Fairy Tale Rapunzel My Little Pony right here and if you don't let me out of this book I swear, I swear Mister, I am going to rip her glitter-coated head off!
NOAH: You wouldn't dare.
KID: Oh, I would.
NOAH: Do you have any idea how much I paid for that on ebay?!?!
KID: One, two...
NOAH: Okay okay okay! Just put the pony down, and get the hell out of here.
Notes: Unfortunately, the Silence of the Lambs Gambit did not actually work in The Silence of the Lambs. But maybe Kid will have better luck.
Edited to add: Now in comic form!!!!
Back to Shibusen. Where Kid is not.
Tsubaki and Nygus, dressed in what appear to be vaguely martial-art-ish karate/judo/tai kwan do uniforms, are watching Kim spar unsuccessfully against her opponent, another girl. "Amazing," Tsubaki comments. Kim's opponent turns her head and...
AW HELL YEAH
IT'S PATTI!!!! YAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!
Jackie is also watching the badassery. "This is Patti's fifth match in a row, and her movements haven't weakened at all."
More sparring. Patti blocks every attack that Kim makes. "It's almost a shame that we're using her as a weapon," Nygus comments.
Patti flips Kim over and slams her to the ground. "Oooowwwwww," Kim groans. "I didn't even stand a chance..."
Patti just grins at her. "Hee hee," she laughs.
See, this? This is why Patti is terrifying. Awesome, but terrifying. Not unlike her partner, of course. And not unlike Shinigami-sama himself. I think there's great irony in the fact that Kid gets along so well with Patti and yet has such massive *issues* with his own father, despite the fact that they're both similar in so many ways.
Awesome, but terrifying. Hmmmm.
I suspect that if we ever get around to having Shinigami-sama become involved in Kid's rescue, it will be an opportunity for lots of dramatic father-son bonding and burying of the hatchet. Also killing. Lots of killing. Father-son bonding through killing! 'Cause that's just how shinigami roll.
Scenario: Have you ever seen Jurassic Park II? Have you? Well apparently, Noah hasn't. Or else he would know that there is a very, very good reason why you're not supposed to abduct the little baby T-Rex, no matter how cute, cuddly, vulnerable, or (yes) collectible it may appear to be. To quote Dr. Ian Malcolm: "Mommy's very angry."
Dependant upon: Noah being stupid enough to get within Shinigami-sama's truck-throwing range.
How this is going to play out:
SHINIGAMI-SAMA: (*throws a truck at Noah*)
SHINIGAMI-SAMA: (*eats Noah*)
KID: Yaaaaaay I love my Daddy! (*hugs*)
Notes: Post-victory father-son bonding via chowing down on a bonus evil theme park tycoon is strictly optional.
Edited to add: Now in comic form!!!!
Granted, that's more of a rescue scenario than an escape scenario. A true escape scenario, however, could easily play upon the inevitability of the T-Rex Consequence.
Scenario: Kid convinces Noah to let him go by pointing out the futility of Noah's dumbass take-over-the-world plot.
Dependant upon: Kid actually developing genre-savviness.
How this is going to play out:
KID: Look, you're just not going to survive this story arc if you keep going like this, okay? You're an archvillain but you're not Medusa, which means that you're pretty much guaranteed to be killed when our little plot thread resolves here. Either Maka is gonna kill your ass, or I'm gonna kill your ass, or my daddy is gonna kill your ass. That, or Medusa is going to steal your body and make you grow boobs, or whatever. If you were like, a popular minion character like Giriko or Eruka, like the type of character that never dies, then things would be different. But you're not. You just had to climb up out of that minion slot and set yourself up as an archvillain, and now, you're going to pay the price.
NOAH: (*thinks*) So if I let you go and just kind of walk away from this whole story arc... We can forgive and forget?
KID: Sure, we can forgive and forget. You can go hang out in the Pretty Cure manga, scaring little girls with your puppy robots and evil vagina dentata child-eating book. Or whatever. I don't care, and my daddy isn't going to care, as long as you don't show up here ever again.
Notes: I really do believe that Noah would have a lucrative and much less life-threatening career as a recurring minion-level villain in Pretty Cure.
But anyway, back to the dojo.
Next we cut to Ox and Harvar, who are also watching the carnage. Poor Ox. He has a split lip, a bloody nose, and his glasses lenses are cracked. But!
He has hair.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen. Ox Ford now officially has hair.
"Because she's been fighting with Kid, it's been hidden until now," Ox comments, "but she really is strong. Even the great Lightning King couldn't touch her. But then again, we are indoors."
Ox and Harvar comment in unison, "In terms of sheer physical power, she might even be on Maka's level."
"No," Harvar continues. "It looks like she still has even more power than what she's shown so far."
GOOD GOD, OHKUBO, COULD YOU FANBOY PATTI ANY MORE OBVIOUSLY?!
Thankfully, neither our author-God nor our resident fanboys are swayed for long by the power of Patti's awesome. "Kim is still the cutest, though," Ox comments.
"...Yes. Yes, she is," Harvar deadpans.
Meanwhile, Liz is over with some other students, squeeing her brains out. "That's my little sister!! Over there! My little sister! Whaddya think?! Isn't she amazing?!?!"
The students are backing away slowly, sharing a mutual thought bubble: We know.
Tsubaki watches this, smiling. "Liz-chan is proud of Patti-chan. I would be proud too, if Black Star could beat Patti."
Pan! The sound effect of a boy hitting his fist against his hand. Who could those bandaged hands belong to?
Aw hell yeah. It's Black Star. "Alll right, then! I'm gonna be your next opponent, Patti," he says as he tightens his belt. Black Star's hands and forearms are still bandaged, but the rest of him appears to be completely healed. Oh, and he also has a deep scar dramatically slashed right through the star tattoo on his shoulder. Symbolic, ooooooh. "I'm gonna give you a taste of how strict the real world is!" Black Star brags.
A bunch of the watching students start word-bubbling all over the place. "It's Black Star..." "But what about his injuries...?" "But look at that scar..." "Yeah..." "It looks painful..."
oh fuck no ohkubo don't do this to me you bastard! don't do this!
the ellipses buuuuuuuuurn meeeeeeeeee
"Kim," Jackie says, "couldn't you do something about that scar with your healing magic?"
"Yeah," Kim says, flashing back to a scene showing her using her magic on Black Star while he was still hospitalized. "I visited him so many times, just trying to use my powers to heal that scar, but my magic never had any effect."
"Hmph," Black Star sniffs. "Like my totally awesome scar could ever be healed by your boring old magic."
"What?!" Kim explodes. "That's it!! Fuck doing this out of kindness!! I'm gonna start charging people for healing!!"
"Just kidding, just kidding," Black Star says. "Sorry. But here, lemme tell you. I made a promise. I swore to that guy that I was gonna become a bushin. That's not something that can be erased so easily." He's talking about the promise, but touching his scar. And getting all dark and dramatic. While also at the same time pushing up his sleeve to reveal more of his biceps. And more of his unfathomable angst. But mostly more of his biceps.
And suddenly every girl in the room is staring at him with sparkles in their eyes and blushes on their cheeks. "Oh.. Okay..." Kim says, breathlessly. And Ox is in the background doing a double-take: "Kim, not you too! Noooo!"
And then OH HEY LOOK YOU GUYS IT'S ANGELA!!!! YAAAAAAAAAY!!!!! And she is wearing a super-cute little jacket and skirt, too. She looks up at Black Star with her eyes wide. "Oooooh, are you going to fight someone?"
"Yup. You'd better watch close, Angela. I'm gonna show you my true strength!"
Patti and Black Star take their places on the mats, facing off. Nygus stands between then.
Killik is there too, watching from the sidelines. "No matter what kind of moves Patti's got, this is Black Star that we're talking about here. She doesn't stand a chance."
"It would be the same for you, wouldn't it be, Killik?" Jackie comments.
Nygus signals the start of the fight. "Go!"
But Black Star suddenly holds up his hands. "Time out, time out," he says. "Just a plain old fight would be boring, right? I think I should be restrained or tied up or something. Yeah, that would be a good idea..."
Hmm.
Er...
Hum.
I guess that if last month was Black Star Shota Bandage Fetish Fanservice Month, then this month is going to be Black Star Shota Bondage Fetish Fanservice Month. It's only one letter of difference, anyway!
Black Star walks over toward Tsubaki. "Tsubaki... To start with, please tie my arms together."
"Ah... Okay!" Tsubaki says. We can't see her face in this panel, but I'm wondering if she's not going ^_____________^ right now.
"Oh yeah," Black Star says, as Tsubaki binds his arms together, "I should probably hold back on using my wavelength attack, too. That's only fair..."
Patti watches him for a moment, her face blank. She makes an "...." word bubble.
and then
her face
morphs into
THE SCARY PATTI FACE
I have not the words to describe what happens next. Thus, I shall scan it:
Oh yeah. It's just not a proper Black Star story without a catastrophic testicular injury, is it?
Black Star collapses to the ground. "But... I said... time out... No fair..."
"The match had already begun," Nygus says, zero sympathy in her eyes. "It's your fault for turning your back on your opponent."
Black Star is now curled in a fetal position on the ground, clutching at his crotch. Angela walks over to him and kicks him in the head. Awwww, she's wearing adorable little Mary Jane shoes. D'awwwwww. "Ha ha, you suck!" Angela declares.
"If you're gonna kick me," Black Star whines piteously, "at least kick me over onto my back..." Because his hands are still tied up, you see.
And then Angela kicks Black Star until he flips over on his back. Black Star spreads his legs apart. "K-Kim... Please use your healing magic to make my wee-wee happy again..."
(Again, that's not me being colorful with the translation there. Ore no chinchin genki ni sasete kure... Oh, Black Star.)
"UGH, NO!" Kim shouts. "What are you, a moron?!"
Meanwhile, it appears as though Black Star has lost all of the sparkle karma that he had with his fangirl brigade just a few minutes earlier. "Ugh, what a loser," one comments. "I guess he's still Black Star after all..."
So in the space of three pages, Black Star has attempted to wrestle with Patti, asked Tsubaki to tie him up, and then begged Kim to touch his penis. I don't know if that makes him the biggest loser in this chapter, or the hands-down winner. I really don't know.
"Didja see that?! Didja see that?!" Liz is still in squee mode. "That's my little sister! That's my little sister who just beat Black Star!! Isn't that amazing?!"
Meanwhile, Tsubaki makes an epic facepalm. "Aaah... Black Star..."
Liz smiles, watching Patti make her victory strut around the gym. Dojo. Wherever they are.
Then Liz's smile fades. "But... It would still be best if all of this training turned out to be a waste of time." Kid... Please be okay... she think-bubbles.
Tsubaki comforts Liz. "I'm sure that he's all right. Because he's Kid."
Uh....
You people remember that Kid is rarely if ever "all right," don't you? Even in the best of circumstances.
"No duh he's all right!!" Black Star adds. "Dude, it's Kid. He's gonna find a way to end this perfectly, you know?! Patti believes in him. That's why she can concentrate on fighting, even in these circumstances," Black Star goes on, watching Patti kick another opponent in the head. "I believe in him, too," Black Star finishes. "You do too, don't you, Liz?"
"Yeah," Liz says, smiling sadly to herself. And then-- oh no no no no no waitaminute full stop.
Believe in Kid? Really?!
Look. Kid's the one who got himself into that mess in the first place, due to being a complete and utter dumbass. Now that Black Star has started to pull his head out of his ass, that makes Kid officially the least reliable hero amongst the main cast. And what exactly are they supposed to "believe" in him to do, anyway? He's stuck in a book! He can't do anything!
Unless there's someone else in there who can help him.
Scenario: Kid either organizes the other victims of Noah's collection into a daring rebellion/escape plan, or (in the more likely scenario) gets onboard with a daring rebellion/escape plan that an older veteran of the collection, possibly a fish voiced by Willem Dafoe, has already set in motion.
Dependant upon: There actually being other people stuck inside the Book of Eibon, and Kid having some way of interacting with them.
How this is going to play out:
A FISH VOICED BY WILLEM DAFOE: ...Right, so then we kick him in the balls, pull that stupid plaid hat over his head, and then kick him in the balls again, while Joey the Sasquatch over there takes care of the hell-worms. Kid, are you in?
KID: Yeah, I'm in. But I feel that I should warn you, now that you and I have had two lines of dialogue interaction, this means that my fangirls have already begun drawing porno doujin and writing slash fanfic about you and me getting it on. I think we have about eight minutes before that stuff starts showing up on the internet.
A FISH VOICED BY WILLEM DEFOE: ...How old are you, again?
Notes: All joking aside, I think I would just about die of awesome if a similar scenario actually played out in canon. Not the fish porn. I mean the collection having a mutiny. That would be awesome.
Edited to add: Now in comic form!!!!
Unless there is nobody else in the collection that Kid can tap for help. In which case... Yes, we should believe in Kid! Believe in him!!
Scenario: Noah gets fed up with having a defective shinigami in his collection, and ditches Kid in order to seek out a less headdesk-inducing specimen.
Dependant upon: Kid just being himself. His spoiled, dick-headed, obsessive-compulsive, insufferable self.
How this is going to play out:
KID: And furthermore, I believe that your asinine "become everything" goal is so vague as to be unsuitable for a proper villain. I demand that you come up with a better motivation, preferably one that can be explained clearly, concisely, and in iambic pentameter. Why does this book have an uneven number of pages? There are too many words on this side and not enough words on this side, so I've taken the liberty of re-arranging some of the text, I hope you don't mind. It's much improved now that it's symmetrical. I've been meaning to ask you, what's with the stupid hat? It makes you look like a hobo. And OH MY GOD YOUR EYEBROWS oh pleeeaaaase tell me that you have a set of eyebrow tweezers somewhere in your collection because you face is COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE.
NOAH: I don't have--
KID: Fine, then! I'll just have to use my teeth to fix your eyebrows. COME HERE.
NOAH: ...I think my shinigami is broken. I want a different one. Adios, boy.
KID: NO WAIT NOT YET I STILL HAVE TO FIX YOUR EYEBROWS WAAAAAAIIIIIITTTTT!
Notes: Failing to learn his lesson, Noah next moves on to hunting Excalibur instead.
Edited to add: Now in comic form!!!!
Back to the dojo. Sid shows up, walks over to Nygus, and starts talking to her.
"Oh?" Tsubaki says, watching this with Black Star from a short distance away. "Sid-sensei...? I wonder if something happened. Can you hear what they're saying, Black Star?"
Black Star grins. "Yeah, I can. The Professor and Miss Marie just returned to Shibusen."
Scene change! Death Room. Marie, Stein, and Spirit are standing around, looking grim. Shinigami-sama is, well, looking the way that he always looks.
Stein bows his head before Shinigami-sama. "First," he says, "For defying your orders and running off on my own, I deeply apologize."
"As someone who aided and abetted Stein in this matter," Spirit adds, "I also apologize."
Marie raises her hand. "Ummm, I went with him too..."
"Okaaaaay," Shinigami-sama says. "Now all of you, say 'I'm sorry.'"
Stein, Marie, and Spirit bow and say simultaneously, "I'm sorry!"
"OK, OK!" Shinigami-sama says. Well. That was easy.
Sometimes it's hard to remember that this guy is indeed the Big Daddy T-Rex in this world.
"All right then," Stein says. "I do not apologize for seeking to find proof of my innocence, or for seeking to discover the identity of the real killer. Having accomplished both, I have returned here. Marie, if you please?"
"Yes!" Marie pulls a tape recorder out of her pocket. "This is it."
"A tape recorder?" Shinigami-sama asks.
"Using this, we recorded our conversation with the true killer," Stein explains. "He said a number of things which essentially are the same as him confessing to the crime."
"Oooooh, shinybuttons!" Shinigami-sama explains. "Hurry up, lemme hear it!"
Marie presses the 'play' button. But, alas! All that they can hear is the thumping rock music that was being spewed from Justin's giant coffin speaker.
"....." goes the Shinigami-sama.
"Well that's certainly... noisy," Spirit comments.
"Please wait a moment!" Marie says. "Right after this part, I think... No, after this part..."
But the music keeps pumping along. There's nothing but music until the tape finally reaches its end with a dramatic click!
"Aw, it's over," Spirit says, momentarily donning the Captain Obvious hat.
Stein, however, merely turns his head-bolt and grins.
"This isn't an 'oopsies' sort of situation!" Spirit snaps at him. "Don't you even remember why we risked our necks to let you and Marie escape in the first place?!" Then he get a grip on himself and calms down. "Ahem," Spirit coughs. "Anyway... We have also done some of our own investigation. We were able to find the report that BJ had hidden before his death. Azusa was able to discern many things from her own independent investigation as well. With that, we finally understood the full extent of just how many times Justin Law has betrayed us..."
"It was after the Brew battle, wasn't it," Stein says. "He must have come into contact with something, God knows what... It was after that time, that he began to display some suspicious behaviors."
"Right," Spirit says. "Hmmm... It looks like you two weren't just partying the nights away during your honeymoon, after all."
OH SNAP
"Ha ha ha ha!" Stein laughs, somehow managing to look only slightly creepy as he does so.
"Cut it out!" Marie says, angrily. "Even as a joke, I don't want to think about going on a honeymoon with a pervert like this guy!"
Pervert? Really? Oh come on. We know that Stein is a sadist, but a pervert?! Since when? It was anime!Stein who got all hot and bothered for six-year-old Medusa. Manga!Stein has so far only displayed one attraction, to one admittedly very attractive adult woman, and she was the one who was throwing herself all over him. So it hardly makes him a pervert for drooling when Medusa jiggled her boobs in his face.
Besides, I think we all know who the real perverts in the manga are. There's Spirit, of course. And Marie herself, who wanted to marry a toilet. And Blair, who's all about running around sky-clad. Oh, sky-clad. And Black Star, who just wants a nice girl to tie him up and make his wee-wee happy again. And Kid, who apparently gropes Liz and Patti's chests on a regular basis. And then there's Noah.
Oh, Noah.
Scenario: It turns out that Noah isn't terribly interested in keeping any part of his collection that he cannot easily smex up, for whatever reason.
Dependant upon: Noah actually turning out to be the pedophile that we all think he is.
How this is going to play out:
NOAH: lol raep time naow.
KID: Just so that you know, Black Star gave me herpes.
NOAH: ....
KID: Yeah. He got it from Soul, who got it from Blair, who probably got it from Mr. Albarn. Funny story.
NOAH: GTFO.
Notes: Justin is young by some standards, but definitely too old to float Noah's boat.
Back to the boring exposition! Now it's Stein's turn to wear the Captain Exposition hat. "We had Justin cornered... But in the end, somehow he managed to get away. He used a demon tool as his method of escape. There is a high possibility that Justin may now have a connection to someone who is well-versed in heretical magic."
"A witch?" Spirit speculates.
"I wonder about that..." Stein says. "It may be someone or something else altogether."
"The unknown magician who abducted Kid," Shinigami-sama says, his face (as always) a blank, unreadable mask. "I'm a bit worried about that magician, too..."
A bit worried.
A bit worried.
A bit worried.
About the magician. Literally, in Japanese, he said "I'm a bit worried about that magician's existence." EXISTENCE.
HE IS A BIT WORRIED ABOUT THE MAGICIAN'S EXISTENCE.
As opposed to, you know, being worried about the immediate peril that his own son is in. Father of the fucking year, indeed.
But speaking of that worrisome magician... Scene change!
We see Noah. And Noah's book. And Justin coming out of the book.
Waitaminute. Noah looks... different. There's something different about him in these panels. Hmmm. What is it?
"So, how did it go?" Noah asks Justin. I still think he looks somehow different, but... hmmm.
Justin wipes a bit of blood from his mouth. "The 'Strongest Fighter in Shibusen' and 'The Pulverizer' interfered with my mission," Justin reports. We turn the page and...
DUDE WTF NOAH
RANDOM BELTS ALL OVER YOUR BODY? REALLY?! REALLY?!
ZOMG IT'S LIKE NOAH FELL OUT OF THE TETSUYA NOMURA TREE AND HIT EVERY LULU BRANCH ON THE WAY DOWN and I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, but now he just looks STUPID.
Then again, this is the guy who built a robot puppy as his "ultimate" weapon. An eeeeeeeevil robot puppy, but still. He's also the only character in the manga thus far to actually have a little heart written into one of his word bubbles. Maybe "stupid" fits Noah better than I thought.
Plus, you know, he kidnapped the baby T-Rex. That is stupidity squared.
Noah needs to buy himself some genre-savvy, STAT. I mean, just look at him. Look at that picture. He's surrounded himself with the evil Clown 2.0, which he presumably has no control over; Justin, who is batshit and unpredictable and known to betray his superiors; and Giriko, who so far has spent this entire series wasting both his chainsaw-based and magic-based (yes, he's a magician too, remember?) abilities on boozing, flirting with maids, and sleeping. Plus random PedoBait Cannon Fodder Kid in the background, there. It's like Noah doesn't even understand the rules of the game that he's playing.
Hmmm.... If Shibusen does get their shit together and come after Noah in order to rescue Kid, then Noah's screwed.
Scenario: In a battle between two opposing forces, if one side of the conflict is armed with a vagina dentata but the opposite side is armed with phallic weaponry, the side with the phallic weaponry always wins. No exceptions. None. So basically, Noah's fate is already sealed: His vagina dentata book may be scary as shit, but Shibusen has guns... and swords... and bigger guns... and really, really big swords...
Dependant upon: There is no contingency here. It always happens. Always. It doesn't matter that Noah has a scary vagina dentata book and some scary, scary vagina dentata worms at his disposal. He doesn't have a GUN. He doesn't have a SWORD. He has a guillotine, which doesn't count, and a chainsaw, which only maybe counts if you stretch, although said chainsaw apparently prefers to fight without transforming into his most phallic form available. Whereas Noah's enemies? Have GUNS. And SWORDS. Noah is toast.
How this is going to play out:
NOAH: (*dying words*) Fuck you, Sigmund Freud. Fuck. You.
Notes: I just realized that Maka may actually be at a disadvantage here, because a scythe isn't one of the most obviously phallic weapons that she could use. Then again... Soul does get bigger with every power-up. He kind of swells up, in fact. And there's a joke to be made about getting the black blood flowing here. But I'm not going to make it.
Aw hell, it's not like Shibusen would even need the universal laws of patriarchal storytelling tropes on their side in order to win against Noah. They have Maka. They have Maka, who is apparently fucking invincible and pumped up on the power of black blood and like, a hundred souls already. If Noah had stuck around to see what happened to Arachne in the end, he would know better than to keep poking at a sleeping Shinigami-sama with his stick. Because Shinigami-sama will send Maka to bust his ass.
Scenario: Maka and Soul use the power of the black blood to initiate some sort of ridiculous insane powerup that magically defeats Noah.
Dependant upon: Soul's little brain-imp continuing to forget that he's trying to kill Soul.
How this is going to play out:
MAKA: (*kills Noah*)
NOAH: (*is ded*)
KID: What the hell just happened?
MAKA: Look, you've been out of it for a while, so let me catch you up really quick. I am awesome, and Soul's black blood totally gives me awesomely ridiculous awesome powers.
SOUL: We've also discovered that the black blood can cure cancer.
MAKA: And AIDs.
SOUL: Cancer and AIDs.
MAKA: Because we are just that awesome.
SOUL: Y'know, I really should thank Ragnarok for penetrating me and knocking me up with the black blood in the first place. Where is he, anyway?
MAKA: Oh crap I totally forgot we still have to rescue Crona and Ragnarok.
SOUL: Next story arc, then?
MAKA: Next story arc.
Notes: In a related subplot, Black Star also discovers that in Fey Blade mode he can run around the equator of the Earth so fast that he can actually cause the planet to reverse its gravitational spin and travel back in time.
Edited to add: Now in comic form!!!!
Enough speculation. Back to our villains.
Our villains are going to spend the next page being vaguely, ominously villainous. Giriko gets the ball rolling. "Ha ha," he laughs at Justin. "So your great act of courage was running away with your tail between your legs? Pathetic."
Justin giggles. Kusu. My God, Japanese really does have the most terrifying "giggle" sound effects. Kusu! "Oh? Is Little Miss Snow White talking in her sleep again?"
"You asshole! You're pissing me off already!!"
Clown 2.0 starts whistling, for some reason.
And now it is PedoBait Cannon Fodder Kid's turn to speak. "Noah-sama," he says. Now that we can see his eyes and face, it appears as though whoever he is, he is definitely in the bi side of bishounen. "As for the assassination of Maka Albarn, I believe that I would be most suited for that role."
Oh, I'm sure that's going to work out real well for him.
But Noah just smiles, because he has no idea how badass Maka Albarn is. Or how stupid he looks with those belts. Stupid, stupid, stupid. "Sure," Noah says. "Go ahead."
Inside the book, Kid, who has apparently overheard this entire conversation, clenches his fists and grits his teeth. "These vermin..." he snarls.
Well, I guess that two panels of Kid are all that we're going to get this month. Because now it's time for a
Scene change! SHIBUSEN!!
(I'm so not kidding, the narration box actually says SHIBUSEN!! in giant bold letters with two exclamation points.)
Maka and Soul are back at the Death Room. "Scythe technician Maka Albarn!" "Demon scythe Soul Eater!" "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!"
"O-oh, did you change your clothes?" Shinigami-sama asks. Because, you know. Fashion: It is more important than his own son.
And Spirit, of course, is freaking out. "Sooooo cuuuuuuuute!" he gushes. And what is Maka wearing that is so very cute? Why, it's her school uniform from the Soul Art school uniform illustration! And Soul is in his school uniform from that same pic, too.
"And with this," Shinigami-sama says, "We can complete the formation of the 'Shibusen Elite Corps', or 'SPARTOI' for short--"
(*Shibusen Seiei Butai = SPARTOI. Yeah, I know. Don't question it. He's high on cocaine, okay?
" 'Spartoi'?" Maka asks.
"It's Greek for 'those who are sown,'" Stein explains. "Mythical creatures, born from the teeth of a dragon sewn into the Earth, meant to battle insanity itself. That fits you two perfectly, doesn't it?"
NO IT DOESN'T WTF
And then Maka and Soul both realize what Stein is really saying, beneath all of the crazypants rambling about dragon teeth and magical Greek giant men. "Professor?!" Oh yeah, they both just got tagged to join the Spartoi.
Soul asks, "But then, what about the elite youth corps?"
"I wanted to call it the Shibu Kids Corps," Shinigami-sama whines, "Buuuuut Stein said that was a silly name, so he went ahead and changed it~~"
Maka: "....."
Soul: "....."
And then suddenly Maka throws herself at Stein and hugs him like a mofo. "Professor!!" Maka cries. "Thank God you came back to us!! Really..."
Marie watches as Stein and Maka hug. It looks like the students really did miss you, Stein, she think-bubbles.
Spirit is there too, I guess, because now he steps forward. "The official formation of the Spartoi," he says, "as well as the birth of a new Death Scythe. Congratulations, Soul!" he says, presenting Soul with a very, very familiar looking eight-legged witch's soul. "Here is the witch's soul that you two previously earned."
Final three pages, no dialogue.
Click for high-res!
And that's it, folks. That's it until next month.
(I will LOL so, so hard if next month's chapter open with another waa waa waaaaaaaa power-up FAIL on Soul's part. I doubt that will happen, since I suppose that's already his Death Scythe form shown in the opening illustration. But still. The lulz could be EPIC.)
So let's review the plot threads that we still have dangling right now:
1. The kishin is still out there, and the world is still going crazy.
2. Crona needs rescuing.
3. Kid needs rescuing. Unless he manages to escape.
4. Medusa is still at large.
5. Noah is... Well, I dunno what the hell exactly Noah is doing, running around with his gang and his belts and his book and his Clown and his fashion failures and his hellworms and whatever the hell else he's got up his sleeve. Apparently he wants to kill Maka. Okay, then what? I thought that collecting people was his villain gimmick. Is he going to target another character? Who would be the most likely candidates? Maybe Kim (a witch with one-of-a-kind healing abilities), or Tsubaki (the most awesome weapon in the universe, basically), or Crona, or Excalibur, or even Wes (oh my god that storyline would be godly).
Is Kid ever going to get out of that book?
I really think it's not going to happen, unless he takes matters into his own hands.
Scenario: Kid decides to break the fourth wall and kill his own creator. Possibly while being joined by Crona as well.
Dependant upon: Atsushi Ohkubo suddenly becoming trapped in some nightmarish The Dark Half-like scenario in which his own fictional characters come to life, and try to kill him.
How this is going to play out:
KID: So. Mr. Ohkubo. Crona and I were talking.
CRONA: We were talking.
KID: And we couldn't help but observe the fact that, well, gee, you know... I won last year's manga character popularity poll, Crona won last year's anime character popularity poll, and we both respectively have the most rabid fangirl bases in this entire fandom. You would think, given these facts, that it might behoove such a talented manga creator to, well, not keep dicking us over as much as you have been doing.
CRONA: Yeah. Stop dicking us over.
OHKUBO: I don't get it. What do you want me to do?
KID: Find some way to free me from Noah and Crona from Medusa within the next three chapters. And then make us the main characters in the story. Fuck Maka. I'm sick of her getting all of the screentime. You'd better make sure that the next eight story arcs in your crappy little manga prominently feature me and Crona battling velociraptors and being totally awesome. Or else.
OHKUBO: Or else... what?
KID: Or else Ragnarok here is going to make it look like you tripped and fell headfirst into a woodchipper.
RAGNAROK: ^_________________________^
CRONA: I don't know how to deal with velociraptors.
Notes: I guess I should also point out that the Excel Saga Solution did not actually work in Excel Saga. It kind of backfired in The Dark Half too, actually. But that was because... Oh crap, I can't even remember how The Dark Half was resolved. Something about how the author character ended up destroying his evil fictional creation by suddenly gaining inexplicable demon-slaying powers due to the fact that he had a vestigal twin's eyeballs buried in his brain and some sort of mystical connection to the magical properties of the common sparrow, or something. It was pretty convoluted. But, anyway. Does Ohkubo have an extra pair of eyes inside his brain? Or inexplicable sparrow-powered magical powers? No?? Then he's screwed.
To such extremes have we been reduced.
I leave you all now with a totally unfunny and boring but, unfortunately, quite necessary FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS section.
1. WHERE'S THE RAW?!
I don't know. It's probably not out yet (as of this writing).
2. Where can I download the raw?!
I really, really don't know.
3. When is the raw coming out?!
Why would I even know that?
4. Why isn't the raw out yet?!?!
Because somebody (not me) has to take the time to scan it. Keep your pants on. There's somebody out there who's willing to risk their necks and their ISP in order to give you free pirated manga. It's really not going to kill you to wait a few days for it. Really.
5. Why don't YOU scan the raw?!
I scan enough shit for y'all, I think. I only have so much free time to devote to scanning and editing pics. Somebody else is going to inevitably scan the raw. I'm not going to, because I'd rather scan other things instead.
Oh, and aside from the above FAQ, here is one ground rule that I would like to lay down:
If you directly quote and/or paraphrase this recap somewhere else on the internet, PLEASE give a link back to this post! That's only common courtesy. Thank you.
ETA June 13th: Fixed two translation errors. Sorry about that!
ETA June 16th: Moar reactions and observations here.
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