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Your chapstick is illegal now.
For those of you who don't know, I teach middle school and high school in a public megadistrict in the southern United States. Today I had to sit through my annual med training, which is required of all teachers every summer, in the event that we would ever want to be authorized to give a student any medical assistance whatsoever, ranging from a life-saving EpiPen injection to, you know, giving them a cough drop if they're coughing a lot.
I'm not kidding about that last one.
So the official rule in my district is that all over-the-counter medications, including cough drops (no really), are banned on school property. The only way that a student would be allowed to either a) carry or b) receive over-the-counter medications from a school nurse is if the student files a Special Permission Form with the district office that must be signed by their parent/guardian, their physician, and a licensed notary. Still not kidding about any of this. So yes, that's right: The school nurses in my district aren't allowed to give you Tylenol, a cough drop, or anything unless you go to all the trouble of getting your physician AND a licensed notary to sign this super-special form for you. And you have to get that done every summer, too, since the form is only valid for the duration of one school year. If you don't have that form on file, too bad, the best that we can give you is animal crackers and a call home.
Also I, as a teacher, am perfectly allowed to keep cough drops in my room, but I'm not allowed to ever give one to a student unless a) the student has their permission form on file and b) I have my certificate stating that I've completed the district medical training on hand. Also I'm supposed to both document with Official Paperwork AND call home to notify the parent/guardian any time that I give a student medication at school, which includes cough drops.
Oh, and guess what's new this year?! The definition of "over-the-counter medication" has expanded to include ALL forms of chapstick and lotion.
That's right.
You're not allowed to bring Lip Smackers to school anymore. Not unless you have documentation signed by your physician and a licensed notary which states that you have permission to do so. To say nothing of hand lotion.
Likelihood that this rule is ever going to be enforced: zero. But it's on the books nevertheless.
Oh, and my medical training? After having sat through one hour of lecture and completed a short written exam, I am now licensed to administer medication to my students orally, in their eyes and ears, through a stomach tube, or rectally. However, a state law prevents teachers from ever being authorized to touch either a throat apparatus or a catheter. So yes, that's right: I am now "trained" and capable of either injecting medicine directly into a hole in your stomach or shoving a syringe up your rectum, should the need ever arise, yet will never be allowed to touch your catheter or any tubes in your throat. Just so that's clear.
God I love bureaucracy.
I'm not kidding about that last one.
So the official rule in my district is that all over-the-counter medications, including cough drops (no really), are banned on school property. The only way that a student would be allowed to either a) carry or b) receive over-the-counter medications from a school nurse is if the student files a Special Permission Form with the district office that must be signed by their parent/guardian, their physician, and a licensed notary. Still not kidding about any of this. So yes, that's right: The school nurses in my district aren't allowed to give you Tylenol, a cough drop, or anything unless you go to all the trouble of getting your physician AND a licensed notary to sign this super-special form for you. And you have to get that done every summer, too, since the form is only valid for the duration of one school year. If you don't have that form on file, too bad, the best that we can give you is animal crackers and a call home.
Also I, as a teacher, am perfectly allowed to keep cough drops in my room, but I'm not allowed to ever give one to a student unless a) the student has their permission form on file and b) I have my certificate stating that I've completed the district medical training on hand. Also I'm supposed to both document with Official Paperwork AND call home to notify the parent/guardian any time that I give a student medication at school, which includes cough drops.
Oh, and guess what's new this year?! The definition of "over-the-counter medication" has expanded to include ALL forms of chapstick and lotion.
That's right.
You're not allowed to bring Lip Smackers to school anymore. Not unless you have documentation signed by your physician and a licensed notary which states that you have permission to do so. To say nothing of hand lotion.
Likelihood that this rule is ever going to be enforced: zero. But it's on the books nevertheless.
Oh, and my medical training? After having sat through one hour of lecture and completed a short written exam, I am now licensed to administer medication to my students orally, in their eyes and ears, through a stomach tube, or rectally. However, a state law prevents teachers from ever being authorized to touch either a throat apparatus or a catheter. So yes, that's right: I am now "trained" and capable of either injecting medicine directly into a hole in your stomach or shoving a syringe up your rectum, should the need ever arise, yet will never be allowed to touch your catheter or any tubes in your throat. Just so that's clear.
God I love bureaucracy.
no subject
(And the teachers union would probably come after the school board with pitchforks and torches.)
No but seriously snacks+candy are a pretty essential part of a functional school day, especially in the elementary schools and when it comes to after-school activities in any grade.