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Soul Eater 81: And him as for a map doth Nature store, To show false Art what beauty was of yore.
And the winners are:
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ravyncat, lg55255525, and devimelete, for being the only ones to predict that Waffles would survive past the end of the story arc. Congratulations, guys! Your prize is that you get a whole new Soul Eater spinoff series just for you!
Meanwhile, I absolutely cannot wait for Not! to start next month, because I could use some lulzy good times and frankly, let's face it, this chapter is a shit conclusion to what turned out to be a crapsack story arc.
So we start with a shot of the Horror Dragon, which, a handy perspective panel informs us, is fucking huge. A curious gremlin gets a bit too close to the Jason-head, and the Jason-head chomps down and swallows the little bugger, causing a fresh tombstone to pop out of its back with the word "GREMLIN" carved on it.
"It's growing more graves like zits all over its back!" Maka exclaims.
"Gimme, give it to me, I want it..." Noah mumbles. "Everything in this world belongs to me. When I own everything then I will become the new ruler. I will become a true god."
Kid is making an excellent bitch, please face. Aaaaaand we have another flashback to Grandpa Goo Monster reminding Kid that there's some douchebag out there trying to become the new ruler in a panel that is totally excessive given that we just went over this umpteen million times in the previous chapter. Aren't you the shinigami destined to bear the burden of the next era? Grandpa Goo Monster asks Kid.
"I am a shinigami," Kid says.
"?" Noah is inexplicably baffled by this statement. For some reason. Um.
I thought that Noah knew that?
"And your way of ruling is unacceptable, Noah!!" Kid shouts. "Everything in the entire world, you said? 'Everything' meaning all of this and all of that and absolutely everything under the sun? If that's truly what you mean, then it's no different from the ultimate symmetry that I mistakenly tried to create! What sort of aesthetic is there in 'everything'?! An aesthetic without discrimination has no beauty!! What this world needs is balance. Yes, a beautiful balance just like perfect symmetry. And you are unworthy of being a ruler of this world!!"
Maka orally molests some ellipses. "So he is a god after all... No human could ever understand him..."
Er, I think he can be understood just fine. Maybe Maka's just having a blonde moment? Meh, I'll give her a pass on this one, she just lost a lot of blood and she's probably not thinking too smart.
Yeah and Kid's not done yet, either. "I'll show you how I rule my beautiful world. If you can survive this."
Noah is just going to stand there and let Kid attack him, I guess. Like Stein and Marie and Sid just stood there and let Noah attack them two chapters ago.
Why are all of the adults in this manga so stupid?
Because Ohkubo's poorly-executed, poorly-choreographed fight scenes require them to be. In short: Because bad writing, that's why.
"Liz... Patti," Kid says. "For always staying by my side until now, I thank you. And from now on I will have to rely on you still, so please..."
"Wh... What the hell, Kid?" Liz says, blushing. "Why so formal all of a sudden?!"
"You dun need to ask us!" Patti says.
"And all of you..." Kid says, looking at the rest of the Spartoi. "I'm going to take out the big one. But I need all of your power, too. Sensei-tachi, please stand back and watch."
Meanwhile, Noah is just standing there and waiting for them to attack. The Horror Dragon is just sitting there and waiting for them to attack. Sid and Stein are smiling and WHAT THE FUCK TEZCA IS DEAD WHAT THE HELL DO THEY HAVE TO SMILE ABOUT and Marie and Nygus aren't even important enough to be shown in this buddy-buddy moment (what, are they still knocked out?) and Enrique is still M.I.A.
"Let's go," Kid says. And then they finally attack the Horror Dragon. Which I guess is the Horror Dragon's cue to finally attack them.
Four pages later, the fight is still going on. Maka saves Blair from being chomped by a dragon head. "Thank you, Maka..." Blair says.
"No matter how much my injuries may slow me down, at least I can still protect my pet cat," Maka says.
Kid, who I guess has been just standing back and watching this whole time, finally decides to get off his skinny ass and blow some dragon up. "Liz, Patti. Soul Resonance. Death Penalty Enforcement Mode, Acquisition!"
"Wavelength circuitry connection... All clear. Resonance at equilibrium. Noise 2.8%."
"This wavelength is...?!" Liz says.
"Something that is no longer necessary to me," Kid responds.
"Coffin Construction," he says. And then screams a lot.
"First, second Lines of Sanzu connected---"
"Beginning rotation."
And look, it's the return of a plot thread from the Baba Yaga arc! Big Daddy's face suddenly cracks down one side. "Shinigami-sama...!!" Spirit exclaims.
Meanwhile, back in San Diego: " 'Seven Rays' charge completed."
Wait, is this going where I think it's going?
I cannot rely on Father's seven rays forever.
Ohkubo, I think I love you.
"Releasing coffins."
I'll start right away with the final certain kill technique!
Oh finally, somebody is actually fighting smart in this goddamn battle. Also, wait for it, wait for it....
lmfao
Oh, that is glorious.
One dead Horror Dragon later, Kid is glaring at Noah. "It's over, Noah."
Noah laughs as the seven rays converge upon him. "HA HA HA HA HA! It's all mine! Even this light too! All mine!" Noah's hat finally blows off his head. "Everything belongs to me."
"Go ahead and take it," Kid says. "That is God's light."
And so he does.
Oh, Noah. Perhaps that snazzy cap actually was the source of his powers after all. Just like Msr. Peter Ludlow, Noah was completely fine dicking around in enemy territory and pissing off powerful gods until the moment that his snazzy cap was taken off his head, whereupon he was promptly pwned by a baby T-Rex.
Snazzy caps: Don't underestimate their fearsome powers.
"We did it..." Maka says. "Noah's soul wavelength has completely vanished..."
So, uh, did Noah just not leave behind a soul for anybody to munch on, or what? Seriously, what's up with that?
Meanwhile, inside the book, Index notices too. "So Noah has died..."
Meanwhile, back at Shibusen, Ox reports. "Kid has been safely recovered... And it seems as though Noah was destroyed."
"Welcome home, Kid!" Jackie says.
But I guess that was jumping the gun a bit, because instead of Kid popping out of the copy of the Book of Eibon, the book instead bursts into flames.
"The copy of the Book of Eibon... is burning..." somebody wearing the Captain Exposition Hat explains.
Meanwhile, back in San Diego: Gopher is in shock. "It... It can't be... Noah-sama---..."
Maka looks down at the Book of Eibon. "This book...!"
YES, THAT IS THE REAL BOOK OF EIBON
YES, YOU ALREADY KNEW THAT
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU ACTING CONFUSED ABOUT?!
STOP STARING AT THE DAMN THING AND PICK IT THE FUCK UP BEFORE
too late.
"This book..." Gopher snarls at Maka. "This Book of Eibon... It belongs to Noah-sama!"
"You!" Maka exclaims.
"You bastards!" Gopher emoticon-faces at them. "I'll never forgive any of you for this!!"
Aaaaaaand he's off. "Wait!!" Maka shouts ineffectually at him.
Kid looks pissed off. "And the Brew was still inside that book, too..."
SO GO AFTER HIM ALREADY
I MEAN FOR FUCK'S SAKE
YOU CAN FLY, YOU IDIOT
Jesus skateboarding Christ this entire chapter has been filled with nothing but characters standing around like idiots and letting other people get away with speechifying/powering up/attacking/stealing the Book of Eibon without ever once trying to lift a finger to stop any of the aforementioned from happening.
Remember back when Noah fought Mosquito, how Noah was actually smart enough to nuke Mosquito the moment that Mosquito started to power up in order to, you know, prevent that from happening? Yeah. And yet here Noah was in this chapter, just standing there and doing absolutely nothing while Kid took a good five pages to slowly power up. Noah didn't even send a worm to nuke Kid, not a single worm. Heck, Noah probably could have asked the Horror Dragon to stomp on Kid at any time during that powerup but no, of course not, that would have made too much sense.
Remember back when Kid fought Mosquito and even though he was severely injured and exhausted after the battle he still chased Mosquito down just so that he could finish the battle? Yeah. And yet here Kid is, just standing there and letting Gopher get away with the Brew. Way to be a future ruler, failass!
And next we have the obligatory scene where Maka suddenly collapses from her wounds and Soul has to catch her. "If you chase after him with these wounds then you'll just be defeated again!" Soul chastizes her. Or, you know, Kid could chase after Gopher because he is a) completely uninjured and b) ABLE TO FLY. Blair is similarly uninjured and can ALSO fly on her pumpkins. Hell, Blair could just grab Black Star or Kirikou and help them chase after Gopher with her flying pumpkins because they are ALSO completely uninjured. Jesus polka-dancing Christ on a cracker.
Meanwhile, back in Nevada: "Are you all right, Shinigami-sama...?"
"It seems as though Kid was able to connect up to two Lines of Sanzu," Shinigami-sama says, telling us what we already know instead of anything that we actually want to know. Also, note: Although it's hard to tell, on page 188 it shows that Kid has finally shed his power-up outfit and it appears as though his Lines of Sanzu are disconnected, too. So there still hasn't been a permanent connection made.
"... It does seem that way, yes," Spirit responds.
"It also appears as though Justin-kun knew the location of the kishin..."
"Where the hell could he be...?" Spirit ponders.
Also, Tezca may or may not be dead. Apparently this fact is unworthy of comment from either Big Daddy or Big Daddy's Big Pointy Stick.
Meanwhile!
And clowns.
"So this is where Kishin-sama is," Justin says.
OH NO THAT'S NOT A COMPLETELY CONSPICUOUS HIDING SPOT AT ALL. Cripes.
Everybody. In. This. Manga. Is. An. Idiot.
Oh Lord God... Oh...
Oh Lord God is right.
I wonder if we're ever going to find out what Noah did with the Brew back ten chapters ago? Or is that just another plot thread that's been abandoned?
Where the hell is Enrique?
Whatever happened to Ohkubo's ability to choreograph a fight scene?
Why are Liz and Patti still the only characters among the main eight who haven't had a single Crowning Moment of Awesome even after eighty-one chapters? Why did Ohkubo build up Patti's ability to fight solo with Liz and then never give her a chance to do so?
How come when Kid powered up again we didn't get to see Liz or Patti in Death Eagle form? I mean, why is it that Ohkubo couldn't even be arsed to remember that the Thompsons could evolve with the Sanzu Lines too?!
Why didn't Noah fight back? Why didn't Marie or Stein ever fight back, either?
How/when did Noah find out the location of the kishin, and why would he be stupid enough to tell Justin that?
I dunno. I need a drink.
I'm sitting here raising my glass to next month. May the next story arc not suck, may Soul Eater Not! be full of puppies and rainbows and awesome, and may Liz and Patti someday get to actually do something before this goddamn series ends!
Stupid But Unfortunately Necessary Disclaimer: Do NOT copy this journal entry in whole or in part on another website, blog, or forum. You may post a link to this entry but please do NOT copy and paste the entire contents of this entry onto another website! Thank you.
Edited to add: This month's list of the netiquette-impaired! Uno. Dos. Come on you guys, this isn't the stone age. Livejournal tracks links to this post and y'all should know better than this by now.
Edited again, inspired by some discussion in the comments and shamelessly copy-n-pasted from therein: Okay, so, here's my big problem with how Ohkubo handled Noah's character. Noah didn't do anything interesting with Kid in captivity, he implied that he had some plan to capture Asura and Big Daddy but nothing ever came of that, he never did anything interesting with the BREW, he never created any more interesting inventions or experiments, he never did anything interesting with his collection, he never tried to do anything interesting in terms of adding to his collection (another wasted potential plot point), and in the end he couldn't even be enough of a difficult boss fight for Kid to justify how much he was built up as fearsome and threatening in the beginning. Noah was scary in the beginning because of his potential as a villain: He was a magician, an inventor, an obsessive "collector," a skilled liar, manipulative, sneaky, frighteningly resistant to insanity, and powerful enough to take out Mosquito with a single blow. And then? Nothing ever developed from any of those traits about Noah. He never performed any more magic, he never created any more inventions save for one that was used as throw-away comic relief gag, he never attempted to "collect" anybody or anything else save for a half-assed attempt to kill Maka, he never lied or manipulated or did anything sneaky, and as for his fearsome fighting abilities, well, he was able to take out Tezca and the others with single blows, but only because they were inexplicably stupid during that fight scene and written as completely forgetting about all of the combat abilities, skills, and powers that each of those characters had exhibited previously. Noah talked up how he was going to use the BREW to complete his collection but died before anything came of that, whereas at least Arachne and original-body!Medusa got to set their evil master plans in motion before they died, thus ensuring that the kids had real challenges to overcome during the final battles instead of just, you know, some highly combustible gremlins and an extremely ineffective, slow-moving dragon. With Gopher's (again inexplicable) escape maybe there is still potential for something to come of whatever Noah had been planning to do with the BREW, but we'll see. Either way, Noah was a waste of a potentially cool villain and that's one of the many, many things that was extremely irritating about this arc.
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