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The End of Tsubasa, Part 3 of 4: Chapter 231
The final chapter of Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle drops tomorrow. Heck, for all I know, it might have been leaked on the internets already. Thus tonight, I attempt to recap the next-to-last chapter of this travesty of a manga.
One down, one more to go. Let's get this over with.
First of all, a brief warning: I couldn't find a raw for this chapter, so I'm recapping based off a scanslation instead. I really hate doing that, as I want to be able to read the original Japanese text before I translate it into nenena-speak, but whatever. So this recap is written with a handicap, in that I don't know what the characters are actually saying in Japanese. Normally that wouldn't particularly matter, but with Tsubasa and its weird deliberately vague dialogue, sometimes one or two poorly-translated words can make a huge difference in meaning. Meh, I hope that's not the case in this chapter.
Wait, what am I saying?
This manga has no plot and no meaning anymore. At least, it has no more plot and no more meaning in any sense that either could be screwed up by a bad translation.
Okay, then! Problem solved. Let's recap!
Chapter 231: The Real Slim Shady
Oediporan and Cloney have been sucked into a black void. As I can no longer tell which is which, they are both going to be Syaoran from now on.
Syaoran is all like, "Let's get out of here!"
And then Syaoran is all like, "OH NOES I HAVE MYSTERIOUSLY LOST ALL OF MY MAGICAL ABILITIES."
"So I guess we can't get out, then?"
"No. I have no idea how the hell I was planning to use my vaguely-defined magical abilities to remove us from this void in the first place, but still no."
"So I guess this is the 'price' that Fei Wong was talking about?"
"I dunno how we jumped to this conclusion, but okay! Spending all eternity trapped in a featureless black void with my clone who happens to be his own grandfather, all right. That seems like a fitting punishment for... whatever the hell I did to deserve punishment. I really can't remember anymore."
"That's not fair! I'm the only Syaoran who should be punished."
"But I AM Syaoran, too!"
"No, I am! I'm Syaoran!"
"YES BUT I AM TOO."
"No, see, I'm the real Syaoran--"
"And I'm motherfucking Spartacus," a third voice says.
Both Syaoran turn around and gasp.
Watanuki is standing there, glaring at them both.
"Yes, I'm Syaoran," he says. "I'm Syaoran, the real Syaoran, all you other Syaoran are just imitatin', but now hey look we're all stuck in a void, stuck in a void, stuck in a void."
"I don't get it," Syaoran says.
"Look," Watanuki goes on, "I'm holding a dead woman's kimono in my arms, I'm really pissed off, I'm stuck in a featureless interdimensional void, and I finally just realized that I lived my childhood as a miserable orphan thanks to one of you - I honestly can't tell which one anymore - and I'm gonna make all of the bad Eminem jokes that I want to right now. Also, Sakura and Yuuko both explained to me at length that I am the 'same' as you, Syaoran. And CLAMP already devoted two entire chapters of your suckass Tsubasa manga to explaining the exact same thing via flashback. But since they apparently didn't drive home the point enough during the first five iterations, I'm going to spend another ten pages right here explaining the same thing to you guys all over again. Also, I'm still holding a dead woman's kimono. Also, I HATE YOU DAD. Whichever one of you is my dad. Also, because I'm a Syaoran now, I'm starting to think that my mom is kind of hot."
"I thought you had a crush on Himawari?"
"Yeah I dunno what happened to her. I think my author-gods forgot that she exists. Damn my mom is hot, though!"
Speaking of hot moms!
Outside the swirling black vortex of doom, both Sakura are still trying to break into the tornado and rescue their sons/lovers. "Syaoran!!!!!!" they scream.
Suddenly - oh noes!
One of the Sakura spontaneously dissolves into goo!
Uh, okay.
Sooooo I guess one of the Sakura just died for no apparent reason whatsoever...? (Also, WHICH ONE just died?! I can't tell them apart at all anymore!)
Oh well. Back inside the void of nothingness!
Oediporan says, "I'm sorry. It's because of my dumbassery, and my failtastic wish to reset time, that I dragged both of you into this mess."
Cloney says, "Dude, I dunno what you're apologizing for. You DO realize that without your miserable failures, neither me nor your pissed-off other son over there would ever have been born, right?"
And Oediporan is all like, "lol I guess you're right." And then there's a full page of all three failboaters sharing warm fuzzies and hugs. Yaaaaaaaaay! Let's all celebrate the fact that Oediporan is a spectacular failure! He killed Cloney, ruined Watanuki's life, and managed to pretty much single-handedly destroy the entire universe. But that's okay, we still wuuuuuuuuuv him!
Man, these guys are going to be really bummed out when they realize that one of the Sakura just spontaneously dissolved.
"Well, it's been fun, fail-dads," Watanuki says, "but I have to get back to Yuuko's shop. Time to figure out an escape plan, yes?"
"Yes," Oediporan agrees. "Let's all figure out a way to get the heck outta here, so that Cloney and I can go back to making out with our moms, and Watanuki, you can go back to doing whatever creepy thing you were doing with that dead lady's kimono."
So now they're trying to figure out an escape plan. Um, wouldn't the logical place to start be by asking how in the hell did Watanuki get inside the void in the first place?! But neither Syaoran nor Watanuki himself seems particularly concerned with this question, so whatever.
SUDDENLY! In the midst of all the warm fuzzies... Cloney begins to dissolve, too! Oh noes!
"Sorry guys," Cloney says as he dissolves, "but Yuuko told me that this was going to happen. Once the creator is gone, his created beings will disappear as well."
"Noooooooo!" Oediporan and Watanuki shout.
"Don't worry, Watanuki," Cloney says. "You're not the same as me. You are not a created being, and you will not disappear. As for me, though... The disappearance of a created being causes ripples in space-time. The ripples that I'm leaving now will become fissures in this void that you can use to escape."
Wait, whut?
Cloney's spontaneous and inexplicable death is the dues ex machina by which the other two escape the space-time void?
But why/how did they even end up inside the void in the first place?!
Where did the void even come from?! Why is it there?! Why is it in this story at all?!
And how is Watanuki suddenly NOT a created being?!?! Wasn't that one of the driving conflicts in xxxHolic - the threat that Watanuki would someday disappear? How the flying fuckity fuck did THAT ever get resolved?!?!
Anyway, Cloney is dying. "Even if it was in the midst of a twisted world, I am so, so happy that I was reborn," he says. "Thank you."
And then Cloney dissolves completely, leaving behind only a single feather, and a bright white fissure splitting apart the inky blackness.
"Syaoraaaaaaaaan!" Oediporan screams, dropping to his knees.
Watanuki stares at him, grief-stricken.
Then, slowly, Oediporan raises his head, and turns toward the light. "Let's go," he says.
Watanuki's eyes narrow. "Back to where we belong," he adds.
An ominous voice appears out of nowhere. PAY THE PRICE. DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM.
Undeterred by the mysterious disembodied voice, Oediporan and Watanuki smash through the fissure that Cloney created, and leap into the light.
And the chapter ends. Until tomorrow, that is.
Okay, so was anyone else slightly disturbed by the way that Cloney got an extended, extremely dramatic death scene that spanned several pages... whereas Sakura only got a super-fast surprise!death scene that only lasted one single panel? And nobody really mourned her, or screamed her name, or cried, or anything?
Yeah, you can totally tell which of the two is the more important character in this story.
Then again, I shouldn't be surprised. Sakura has been pushed to the side and relegated to the role of a mere prop in Syaoran's story since the very first chapter of Tsubasa. I have a sneaking suspicion that she won't even play much of a role in tomorrow's grand finale, either.
So I guess we're never going to find out what the Doom Tube is or how/why the Clone Couple put themselves inside of it. I don't really feel all that bad about the Clone Couple's deaths, though, since we did see them get to live their lives well into adulthood, albeit young-ish adulthood. Anyway, I guess they lived full and happy lives before they died, so that's something. I still don't know why they had to revert themselves to their teenage forms when they went inside the Doom Tube - or why the hell they went inside the Doom Tube in the first place - buuuuut... Huh. Why am I even asking these questions anymore?
I will say, however, that the sudden deaths of the Clone Couple makes everything that happened in the previous few chapters - Cloney's tearful reunion with Kurogane/Fay/Mokona, Sakura's dramatic return from the dead, Mokona making Cloney promise never to leave them again, and Team Incest's four-way vow that they weren't going to lose or sacrifice any of themselves again - completely and utterly pointless. In retrospect, that is.
One down, one more to go. Let's get this over with.
First of all, a brief warning: I couldn't find a raw for this chapter, so I'm recapping based off a scanslation instead. I really hate doing that, as I want to be able to read the original Japanese text before I translate it into nenena-speak, but whatever. So this recap is written with a handicap, in that I don't know what the characters are actually saying in Japanese. Normally that wouldn't particularly matter, but with Tsubasa and its weird deliberately vague dialogue, sometimes one or two poorly-translated words can make a huge difference in meaning. Meh, I hope that's not the case in this chapter.
Wait, what am I saying?
This manga has no plot and no meaning anymore. At least, it has no more plot and no more meaning in any sense that either could be screwed up by a bad translation.
Okay, then! Problem solved. Let's recap!
Chapter 231: The Real Slim Shady
Oediporan and Cloney have been sucked into a black void. As I can no longer tell which is which, they are both going to be Syaoran from now on.
Syaoran is all like, "Let's get out of here!"
And then Syaoran is all like, "OH NOES I HAVE MYSTERIOUSLY LOST ALL OF MY MAGICAL ABILITIES."
"So I guess we can't get out, then?"
"No. I have no idea how the hell I was planning to use my vaguely-defined magical abilities to remove us from this void in the first place, but still no."
"So I guess this is the 'price' that Fei Wong was talking about?"
"I dunno how we jumped to this conclusion, but okay! Spending all eternity trapped in a featureless black void with my clone who happens to be his own grandfather, all right. That seems like a fitting punishment for... whatever the hell I did to deserve punishment. I really can't remember anymore."
"That's not fair! I'm the only Syaoran who should be punished."
"But I AM Syaoran, too!"
"No, I am! I'm Syaoran!"
"YES BUT I AM TOO."
"No, see, I'm the real Syaoran--"
"And I'm motherfucking Spartacus," a third voice says.
Both Syaoran turn around and gasp.
Watanuki is standing there, glaring at them both.
"Yes, I'm Syaoran," he says. "I'm Syaoran, the real Syaoran, all you other Syaoran are just imitatin', but now hey look we're all stuck in a void, stuck in a void, stuck in a void."
"I don't get it," Syaoran says.
"Look," Watanuki goes on, "I'm holding a dead woman's kimono in my arms, I'm really pissed off, I'm stuck in a featureless interdimensional void, and I finally just realized that I lived my childhood as a miserable orphan thanks to one of you - I honestly can't tell which one anymore - and I'm gonna make all of the bad Eminem jokes that I want to right now. Also, Sakura and Yuuko both explained to me at length that I am the 'same' as you, Syaoran. And CLAMP already devoted two entire chapters of your suckass Tsubasa manga to explaining the exact same thing via flashback. But since they apparently didn't drive home the point enough during the first five iterations, I'm going to spend another ten pages right here explaining the same thing to you guys all over again. Also, I'm still holding a dead woman's kimono. Also, I HATE YOU DAD. Whichever one of you is my dad. Also, because I'm a Syaoran now, I'm starting to think that my mom is kind of hot."
"I thought you had a crush on Himawari?"
"Yeah I dunno what happened to her. I think my author-gods forgot that she exists. Damn my mom is hot, though!"
Speaking of hot moms!
Outside the swirling black vortex of doom, both Sakura are still trying to break into the tornado and rescue their sons/lovers. "Syaoran!!!!!!" they scream.
Suddenly - oh noes!
One of the Sakura spontaneously dissolves into goo!
Uh, okay.
Sooooo I guess one of the Sakura just died for no apparent reason whatsoever...? (Also, WHICH ONE just died?! I can't tell them apart at all anymore!)
Oh well. Back inside the void of nothingness!
Oediporan says, "I'm sorry. It's because of my dumbassery, and my failtastic wish to reset time, that I dragged both of you into this mess."
Cloney says, "Dude, I dunno what you're apologizing for. You DO realize that without your miserable failures, neither me nor your pissed-off other son over there would ever have been born, right?"
And Oediporan is all like, "lol I guess you're right." And then there's a full page of all three failboaters sharing warm fuzzies and hugs. Yaaaaaaaaay! Let's all celebrate the fact that Oediporan is a spectacular failure! He killed Cloney, ruined Watanuki's life, and managed to pretty much single-handedly destroy the entire universe. But that's okay, we still wuuuuuuuuuv him!
Man, these guys are going to be really bummed out when they realize that one of the Sakura just spontaneously dissolved.
"Well, it's been fun, fail-dads," Watanuki says, "but I have to get back to Yuuko's shop. Time to figure out an escape plan, yes?"
"Yes," Oediporan agrees. "Let's all figure out a way to get the heck outta here, so that Cloney and I can go back to making out with our moms, and Watanuki, you can go back to doing whatever creepy thing you were doing with that dead lady's kimono."
So now they're trying to figure out an escape plan. Um, wouldn't the logical place to start be by asking how in the hell did Watanuki get inside the void in the first place?! But neither Syaoran nor Watanuki himself seems particularly concerned with this question, so whatever.
SUDDENLY! In the midst of all the warm fuzzies... Cloney begins to dissolve, too! Oh noes!
"Sorry guys," Cloney says as he dissolves, "but Yuuko told me that this was going to happen. Once the creator is gone, his created beings will disappear as well."
"Noooooooo!" Oediporan and Watanuki shout.
"Don't worry, Watanuki," Cloney says. "You're not the same as me. You are not a created being, and you will not disappear. As for me, though... The disappearance of a created being causes ripples in space-time. The ripples that I'm leaving now will become fissures in this void that you can use to escape."
Wait, whut?
Cloney's spontaneous and inexplicable death is the dues ex machina by which the other two escape the space-time void?
But why/how did they even end up inside the void in the first place?!
Where did the void even come from?! Why is it there?! Why is it in this story at all?!
And how is Watanuki suddenly NOT a created being?!?! Wasn't that one of the driving conflicts in xxxHolic - the threat that Watanuki would someday disappear? How the flying fuckity fuck did THAT ever get resolved?!?!
Anyway, Cloney is dying. "Even if it was in the midst of a twisted world, I am so, so happy that I was reborn," he says. "Thank you."
And then Cloney dissolves completely, leaving behind only a single feather, and a bright white fissure splitting apart the inky blackness.
"Syaoraaaaaaaaan!" Oediporan screams, dropping to his knees.
Watanuki stares at him, grief-stricken.
Then, slowly, Oediporan raises his head, and turns toward the light. "Let's go," he says.
Watanuki's eyes narrow. "Back to where we belong," he adds.
An ominous voice appears out of nowhere. PAY THE PRICE. DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM.
Undeterred by the mysterious disembodied voice, Oediporan and Watanuki smash through the fissure that Cloney created, and leap into the light.
And the chapter ends. Until tomorrow, that is.
Okay, so was anyone else slightly disturbed by the way that Cloney got an extended, extremely dramatic death scene that spanned several pages... whereas Sakura only got a super-fast surprise!death scene that only lasted one single panel? And nobody really mourned her, or screamed her name, or cried, or anything?
Yeah, you can totally tell which of the two is the more important character in this story.
Then again, I shouldn't be surprised. Sakura has been pushed to the side and relegated to the role of a mere prop in Syaoran's story since the very first chapter of Tsubasa. I have a sneaking suspicion that she won't even play much of a role in tomorrow's grand finale, either.
So I guess we're never going to find out what the Doom Tube is or how/why the Clone Couple put themselves inside of it. I don't really feel all that bad about the Clone Couple's deaths, though, since we did see them get to live their lives well into adulthood, albeit young-ish adulthood. Anyway, I guess they lived full and happy lives before they died, so that's something. I still don't know why they had to revert themselves to their teenage forms when they went inside the Doom Tube - or why the hell they went inside the Doom Tube in the first place - buuuuut... Huh. Why am I even asking these questions anymore?
I will say, however, that the sudden deaths of the Clone Couple makes everything that happened in the previous few chapters - Cloney's tearful reunion with Kurogane/Fay/Mokona, Sakura's dramatic return from the dead, Mokona making Cloney promise never to leave them again, and Team Incest's four-way vow that they weren't going to lose or sacrifice any of themselves again - completely and utterly pointless. In retrospect, that is.
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Oh God, the finale. Let's see how this train wreck ends.
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This is so...ugg .__.UU
Thank you for the summary!
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Ugh.
I'm afraid to read the last chapter. D=
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That is a very, very good question.
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The more I think about it, the less it makes sense. The clones dying basically because they were clones after Clow and Yuuko paid such a price for their legitimization renders their sacrifices pointless, doesn't it?
It's not just me thinking CLAMP keeps rendering the characters' big prices and sacrifices pointless, right?
Well, at least next week maybe CLAMP will obey your Please Stop icon. A bit TOO literally, but whatever.
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I really don't know why CLAMP didn't just go for the happy ending. Maybe they were trying to be more "sophisticated" by throwing a last-minute tragedy in there? Maybe they felt that a happy ending would have been too cliche and too "easy"? Maybe they're just shit storytellers?
Maybe they're just shit storytellers.