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Sakura Taisen Appreciation Half-Week: Return of the Texas Samurai
In honor of my and ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
aster_dw's fabulous trip to the Sakura Cafe in Tokyo;
In honor of the fact that the Sakura Cafe is closing forever on March 30th;
In honor of the fact that the franchise just refuses to die;
And in honor of the fact that I just feel nostalgic,
I hereby declare this to be SAKURA TAISEN APPRECIATION HALF-WEEK in my livejournal.
Why is Sakura Taisen (AKA "Sakura Wars" in the English-speaking world) so awesome? Because it features one of the greatest casts of kick-ass women ever featured in a combined video game/anime/manga/novel/stage musical franchise. Because it spread Japanese visions of steampunk to other countries a decade before steampunk really exploded in the English-speaking world. Because it made Hidenori Matsubara a star. Because it proved that an FPS game played almost entirely on horseback could be awesome. Because the theme songs are so damn catchy.
And because it is absolutely, utterly, completely batshit INSANE.
So, Sakura Taisen. Just what the shit is this?
Well, Sakura Taisen started as a video game.
This was the premise: You play as Ichiro Ogami, the newly-promoted captain of Japan's "Flower Division" military strike team. What exactly is the "Flower Division"? It's a group of cute girls from across the globe, assembled together for one purpose:
To fight demons.
And to do so using giant robots.
But, as this game is set in 1922, the giant robots are powered by steam technology. And, uh, psychic powers. Because apparently the game writers wanted to inject a little bit of realism into this setup, and realized that it is really, really difficult to construct a giant robot that moves via steam power. So their explanation for how the robots can move so well? They're powered... by the psychic vibrations of their pilots!
Of course.
So it sounds like a fairly straight set-up for an action roleplaying game, right? WRONG. Sakura Taisen isn't just an action game: It's a dating sim. A "dating sim" is a Japanese romantic video game that plays like a choose-your-own adventure book. You play as a male avatar, interact with a group of cute girls, and depending on the choices that you make as the storyline develops, you end up hooked up with one of the girls in the end.
So Sakura Taisen is a dating sim about a dude who's trying to score with one of the cute psychic girls who pilot giant steam-powered robots to battle demons against the backdrop of a fictional alternative universe Taisho-era Japan that-never-was.
Does that sound insane enough? Clearly not, because it gets more insane.
The "Flower Division," for some reason, is a state secret... I guess. I mean, those giant robots are usually having very public battles against demons in very crowded areas of Tokyo, like, every Tuesday or so... But for SOME REASON the existence of the Flower Division is still "top secret." So Ichiro and the girls need a cover for their operation. A front, if you will.
So they form an opera company.
Of course.
And they produce elaborate and labor-intensive Broadway-like stage productions, mostly musicals. This in between fighting demons, piloting giant robots, and saving Tokyo over and over again in their spare time.
So, in the video game, as you play as Ichiro, you have to deal with the triple-challenge of putting together opera productions, trying to score a date with one of your subordinate officers, AND piloting a giant psychic-and-steam-powered robot to battle demons and save Tokyo. But don't worry, you have help! All of the fantastic modern technology of 1922 Taisho-era Japan is at your fingertips... Okay, maybe not. But you can count on the support of the "Wind Division" (cute maids who double as military strategists - I'm not kidding) and the "Rose Division" (a group of flamboyantly homosexual, cross-dressing intelligence agents) to aid you at every turn. Oh, and you will occassionally be thwarted by the "Dandy Brigade," ostensibly a criminal street game, except that their only real skill seems to be coordinated tap-dancing.
If you think that this sounds like an absolutely insane set-up for a video game, you're right. But the insanity isn't finished yet. It's just getting started.
The original Sakura Taisen video game became a huge smash hit in 1996, and was followed immediately by a sequel and a slew of animated adaptations. Then came the third game, which plucked Our Hero Ichiro from his native Tokyo and moved him to Paris, where he had an all-new brigade of cute girls to command (and score with). The fact that one of these girls is a nun and another one is ten years old does not seem to be much of a detriment to the standard dating sim game formula. (And oh yeah, the military employs ten-year-old girls in its elite giant-robot-piloting strike teams. DUH.) And, as before, the Paris girls fronted their giant robot operation with a theatrical revue. A burlesque, this time.
Then came 2005 and the release of the fifth video game, "Sayounara My Love," which was set not in Paris or Tokyo, but in New York city. And now instead of Ichiro as the hero, we've got his nephew Shinjiro instead. Shinjiro and his New York girls also set up a theater - this time a vaudeville show - as the front for their giant robot operation. And, uh, Shinjiro is conscripted into joining the shows by cross-dressing and adopting the persona of "Petit Mint," an "actress" who quickly becomes the most popular celebrity member of the Little Lip Theater (the name of the vaudeville front operation).
Sakura Taisen V is notable because it was preceded by a prequel mini-game, Sakura Taisen V Episode 0. In the prequel game, you play as Gemini Sunrise, a red-headed cowgirl who weilds a katana and slays a bunch of demons during her quest to ride across the country in order to join the rest of the New York Assault Troupe in, duh, New York. Along the way you encounter a bunch of giant steam-powered cars, a "Christian wizard" who sics demons on you, and a little girl who has to be saved from a bunch of Satanic cultists. Or something.
Oh yeah, and all of these games spawned a bunch of anime. To date, there have been five OAVs, two TV series, and a movie by the venerable Production I.G. ETA: A quick guide to the anime versions has been posted in the comments below.
So, anyway. Things that I have learned from the Sakura Taisen games and anime:
1. The Japanese military consists entirely of cute psychic girls and cross-dressing gay men.
2. Steam technology can make a robot fly.
3. Plaid pants are AWESOME.
4. Deep down inside, all rabbits want to feast on the innards of little girls.
5. Nobody in France can actually speak French, and nobody in the United States can actually speak English.
6. If you have ambitions of joining the military in any modern country, you had BETTER learn how to sing and tap-dance first.
7. Eight-year-old girls make excellent members of tactical assault teams.
8. Never reveal your evil plot to take over the world in front of a talking parrot.
9. Turning yourself into a giant monster? ALSO not a good way to advance your evil plot to take over the world.
10. THE CAT DID IT.
11. Except for the times when the teddy bear did it.
12. Texas is a barren wasteland dessert populated by giant demon worms and bandits riding around in steam-powered tanks.
13. So it's kind of like Tatooine, then.
14. In America, every major corporation must be headed by a President, a CEO, a Board of Directors, and an evil Satan-worshipping wizard.
15. It is entirely possible to ride a horse for days on end, while wearing a miniskirt with bare thighs, and not sustain any massive injuries.
16. Everything is more sparkly in Japan.
But truly, the awesome insanity of Sakura Taisen can only be appreciated in audiovisual format. So now it's time for some VIDEO APPRECIATION.
First, all five of the main Sakura Taisen game openings:
The best one by far is the opening to the third game, if you ask me. It's got everything: Killer rabbits, random French words flashing across the screen, Lobelia setting things on fire, a great theme song, some stunning animation... And as a bonus, the most annoying character in the franchise almost gets run over by a car. Almost, but not quite.
However, the above medley left out the greatest opening in the franchise!
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the opening sequence for Sakura Taisen V Episode O:
Next, a random Youtube user demonstrates why STV0 is the most stupid fun awesome video game I've ever played:
Finally, the secret to the greatest military strategy in the history of mankind is revealed: Find a homicidal ten-year-old girl, put her inside a giant robot, and LET HER GO WILD.
Wait, one more. My hilariously unrealistic steampunk technology, let me show you it:
Coming up next: You know what would be awesome? So we've got this series of video games, and a bunch of animated adaptations, about a fictional theatrical troupe that's actually a group of psychic-powered giant robot pilots who save the world from demons like, every Tuesday. So you know what would be awesome? If we made a REAL theatrical troupe of REAL women, had them dress up and pretend to be Sakura Taisen characters, and then have them dress up as Sakura Taisen characters dressed up as other fictional characters, and have them perform musicals! Just like in the video games!
aster_dw's fabulous trip to the Sakura Cafe in Tokyo;In honor of the fact that the Sakura Cafe is closing forever on March 30th;
In honor of the fact that the franchise just refuses to die;
And in honor of the fact that I just feel nostalgic,
I hereby declare this to be SAKURA TAISEN APPRECIATION HALF-WEEK in my livejournal.
Why is Sakura Taisen (AKA "Sakura Wars" in the English-speaking world) so awesome? Because it features one of the greatest casts of kick-ass women ever featured in a combined video game/anime/manga/novel/stage musical franchise. Because it spread Japanese visions of steampunk to other countries a decade before steampunk really exploded in the English-speaking world. Because it made Hidenori Matsubara a star. Because it proved that an FPS game played almost entirely on horseback could be awesome. Because the theme songs are so damn catchy.
And because it is absolutely, utterly, completely batshit INSANE.
So, Sakura Taisen. Just what the shit is this?
Well, Sakura Taisen started as a video game.
This was the premise: You play as Ichiro Ogami, the newly-promoted captain of Japan's "Flower Division" military strike team. What exactly is the "Flower Division"? It's a group of cute girls from across the globe, assembled together for one purpose:
To fight demons.
And to do so using giant robots.
But, as this game is set in 1922, the giant robots are powered by steam technology. And, uh, psychic powers. Because apparently the game writers wanted to inject a little bit of realism into this setup, and realized that it is really, really difficult to construct a giant robot that moves via steam power. So their explanation for how the robots can move so well? They're powered... by the psychic vibrations of their pilots!
Of course.
So it sounds like a fairly straight set-up for an action roleplaying game, right? WRONG. Sakura Taisen isn't just an action game: It's a dating sim. A "dating sim" is a Japanese romantic video game that plays like a choose-your-own adventure book. You play as a male avatar, interact with a group of cute girls, and depending on the choices that you make as the storyline develops, you end up hooked up with one of the girls in the end.
So Sakura Taisen is a dating sim about a dude who's trying to score with one of the cute psychic girls who pilot giant steam-powered robots to battle demons against the backdrop of a fictional alternative universe Taisho-era Japan that-never-was.
Does that sound insane enough? Clearly not, because it gets more insane.
The "Flower Division," for some reason, is a state secret... I guess. I mean, those giant robots are usually having very public battles against demons in very crowded areas of Tokyo, like, every Tuesday or so... But for SOME REASON the existence of the Flower Division is still "top secret." So Ichiro and the girls need a cover for their operation. A front, if you will.
So they form an opera company.
Of course.
And they produce elaborate and labor-intensive Broadway-like stage productions, mostly musicals. This in between fighting demons, piloting giant robots, and saving Tokyo over and over again in their spare time.
So, in the video game, as you play as Ichiro, you have to deal with the triple-challenge of putting together opera productions, trying to score a date with one of your subordinate officers, AND piloting a giant psychic-and-steam-powered robot to battle demons and save Tokyo. But don't worry, you have help! All of the fantastic modern technology of 1922 Taisho-era Japan is at your fingertips... Okay, maybe not. But you can count on the support of the "Wind Division" (cute maids who double as military strategists - I'm not kidding) and the "Rose Division" (a group of flamboyantly homosexual, cross-dressing intelligence agents) to aid you at every turn. Oh, and you will occassionally be thwarted by the "Dandy Brigade," ostensibly a criminal street game, except that their only real skill seems to be coordinated tap-dancing.
If you think that this sounds like an absolutely insane set-up for a video game, you're right. But the insanity isn't finished yet. It's just getting started.
The original Sakura Taisen video game became a huge smash hit in 1996, and was followed immediately by a sequel and a slew of animated adaptations. Then came the third game, which plucked Our Hero Ichiro from his native Tokyo and moved him to Paris, where he had an all-new brigade of cute girls to command (and score with). The fact that one of these girls is a nun and another one is ten years old does not seem to be much of a detriment to the standard dating sim game formula. (And oh yeah, the military employs ten-year-old girls in its elite giant-robot-piloting strike teams. DUH.) And, as before, the Paris girls fronted their giant robot operation with a theatrical revue. A burlesque, this time.
Then came 2005 and the release of the fifth video game, "Sayounara My Love," which was set not in Paris or Tokyo, but in New York city. And now instead of Ichiro as the hero, we've got his nephew Shinjiro instead. Shinjiro and his New York girls also set up a theater - this time a vaudeville show - as the front for their giant robot operation. And, uh, Shinjiro is conscripted into joining the shows by cross-dressing and adopting the persona of "Petit Mint," an "actress" who quickly becomes the most popular celebrity member of the Little Lip Theater (the name of the vaudeville front operation).
Sakura Taisen V is notable because it was preceded by a prequel mini-game, Sakura Taisen V Episode 0. In the prequel game, you play as Gemini Sunrise, a red-headed cowgirl who weilds a katana and slays a bunch of demons during her quest to ride across the country in order to join the rest of the New York Assault Troupe in, duh, New York. Along the way you encounter a bunch of giant steam-powered cars, a "Christian wizard" who sics demons on you, and a little girl who has to be saved from a bunch of Satanic cultists. Or something.
Oh yeah, and all of these games spawned a bunch of anime. To date, there have been five OAVs, two TV series, and a movie by the venerable Production I.G. ETA: A quick guide to the anime versions has been posted in the comments below.
So, anyway. Things that I have learned from the Sakura Taisen games and anime:
1. The Japanese military consists entirely of cute psychic girls and cross-dressing gay men.
2. Steam technology can make a robot fly.
3. Plaid pants are AWESOME.
4. Deep down inside, all rabbits want to feast on the innards of little girls.
5. Nobody in France can actually speak French, and nobody in the United States can actually speak English.
6. If you have ambitions of joining the military in any modern country, you had BETTER learn how to sing and tap-dance first.
7. Eight-year-old girls make excellent members of tactical assault teams.
8. Never reveal your evil plot to take over the world in front of a talking parrot.
9. Turning yourself into a giant monster? ALSO not a good way to advance your evil plot to take over the world.
10. THE CAT DID IT.
11. Except for the times when the teddy bear did it.
12. Texas is a barren wasteland dessert populated by giant demon worms and bandits riding around in steam-powered tanks.
13. So it's kind of like Tatooine, then.
14. In America, every major corporation must be headed by a President, a CEO, a Board of Directors, and an evil Satan-worshipping wizard.
15. It is entirely possible to ride a horse for days on end, while wearing a miniskirt with bare thighs, and not sustain any massive injuries.
16. Everything is more sparkly in Japan.
But truly, the awesome insanity of Sakura Taisen can only be appreciated in audiovisual format. So now it's time for some VIDEO APPRECIATION.
First, all five of the main Sakura Taisen game openings:
The best one by far is the opening to the third game, if you ask me. It's got everything: Killer rabbits, random French words flashing across the screen, Lobelia setting things on fire, a great theme song, some stunning animation... And as a bonus, the most annoying character in the franchise almost gets run over by a car. Almost, but not quite.
However, the above medley left out the greatest opening in the franchise!
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the opening sequence for Sakura Taisen V Episode O:
Next, a random Youtube user demonstrates why STV0 is the most stupid fun awesome video game I've ever played:
Finally, the secret to the greatest military strategy in the history of mankind is revealed: Find a homicidal ten-year-old girl, put her inside a giant robot, and LET HER GO WILD.
Wait, one more. My hilariously unrealistic steampunk technology, let me show you it:
Coming up next: You know what would be awesome? So we've got this series of video games, and a bunch of animated adaptations, about a fictional theatrical troupe that's actually a group of psychic-powered giant robot pilots who save the world from demons like, every Tuesday. So you know what would be awesome? If we made a REAL theatrical troupe of REAL women, had them dress up and pretend to be Sakura Taisen characters, and then have them dress up as Sakura Taisen characters dressed up as other fictional characters, and have them perform musicals! Just like in the video games!
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And you know, I may be completely insane or hallucinatory, too. Because the series isn't listed on any of the ST official sites or in any anime databases. It's entirely possible that I saw some repackaged OAV DVDs and mistook them for a new series. But I distinctly remember that one of the discs had Lobelia on the cover and said "TV episodes 1 through 3" on the back, and showed screenshots from an anime that I hadn't seen before.
I keep poking around online and can't find a trace of this series, though. Maybe I'm hallucinating. I'm very concerned about this. ^^;;
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