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A brief review of "The Other Boleyn Girl"
Dear Hollywood:
You know you're sitting on a turkey of a puffy-sleeves-and-heaving-bosoms movie when...
1. The "erotic" scenes are so full of awkward do-not-wantness that the theater audience actually groans whenever somebody starts unlacing a corset;
2. Not even the fact that said sex scenes star Eric Bana and/or Scarlet Johansson can save them from illiciting said audience groans; and
3. You've created a movie ostensibly about the relationship between two sisters, that still manages to fail the Bechdel test. And it's two hours long.
Now, don't get me wrong. I LOVE a good puffy-sleeves-and-heaving-bosoms movie. And yes, I knew going into the theater that the movie would end on a horrible downer, because, duh, Anne Boleyn. I was even prepared to squirm and cringe through the scene where she seduces her brother, because I knew from the beginning that that was going to happen. BUT. What I wasn't prepared for was how awkward and cringe-inducing all of the sex scenes would be, how utterly boring all of the supposedly deadly courtly intrigue and political maneuvering would be, and how much the script as a whole would reek of "this is some horny guy's fantasy of how two hot sisters interact."
But! Props to the costumers, though. The best part of the movie was all of the amazing Tudor-era costumes. Not just on the women, but on the men as well. I would happily sit through another two hours of nothing but Eric Bana wearing epic puffy sleeves and fantastic little feathered hats... But not if it comes bundled with more cringe-inducing "romance," uncomfortable sex scenes, and bizzaro Hollywood sexism. In that case, no thank you.
Seriously, Hollywood. How can you manage to make a scene that involves Eric Bana taking off his shirt seem soooooo unappetizing?
That's fail so epic that it's almost impressive.
Oh well. Got to see the Wolverine trailer. Gambit, MRWAR!
You know you're sitting on a turkey of a puffy-sleeves-and-heaving-bosoms movie when...
1. The "erotic" scenes are so full of awkward do-not-wantness that the theater audience actually groans whenever somebody starts unlacing a corset;
2. Not even the fact that said sex scenes star Eric Bana and/or Scarlet Johansson can save them from illiciting said audience groans; and
3. You've created a movie ostensibly about the relationship between two sisters, that still manages to fail the Bechdel test. And it's two hours long.
Now, don't get me wrong. I LOVE a good puffy-sleeves-and-heaving-bosoms movie. And yes, I knew going into the theater that the movie would end on a horrible downer, because, duh, Anne Boleyn. I was even prepared to squirm and cringe through the scene where she seduces her brother, because I knew from the beginning that that was going to happen. BUT. What I wasn't prepared for was how awkward and cringe-inducing all of the sex scenes would be, how utterly boring all of the supposedly deadly courtly intrigue and political maneuvering would be, and how much the script as a whole would reek of "this is some horny guy's fantasy of how two hot sisters interact."
But! Props to the costumers, though. The best part of the movie was all of the amazing Tudor-era costumes. Not just on the women, but on the men as well. I would happily sit through another two hours of nothing but Eric Bana wearing epic puffy sleeves and fantastic little feathered hats... But not if it comes bundled with more cringe-inducing "romance," uncomfortable sex scenes, and bizzaro Hollywood sexism. In that case, no thank you.
Seriously, Hollywood. How can you manage to make a scene that involves Eric Bana taking off his shirt seem soooooo unappetizing?
That's fail so epic that it's almost impressive.
Oh well. Got to see the Wolverine trailer. Gambit, MRWAR!