ow most people's definition of rape requires a stranger in the bushes and screaming and fighting on the victim's part (which completely ignores how the autonomic system works with most females - fight or flight is more common with males than females) - otherwise it's just rough or unwanted sex and what's she complaining about?
Yes, exactly. And that's exactly the problem with the Goldstein study that Scott cited. They're looking for a "rapist" as someone who jumps out of the bushes and attacks strangers, disregarding the fact that most rapes occur between family and friends. Which is an extraordinarily depressing sentence, now that I've typed it out.
In reality, I'm told (I know a lot of active BDSMers), no good dom will go without a safe word and the best doms tend to have a servant mentality. They may write the plot, but they are shaping it to that particular submissive, with an awareness of that submissive's tolerances and preferences.
The "servant mentality" is a good way to put it. A good dom is all about pleasuring his or her sub; really, a good BDSM encounter is all about the sub. It's much more about fulfilling the sub's fantasies than it is about the dom. And good porn recognizes that. For example, I think that kink.com produces the most fun and humane BDSM porn on the web; which is understandable, given their lengthy list of rules for their own shoots and promotional materials (http://www.kink.com/shootingrules.php). I mean, they require every video shoot to begin with the model talking about his/her fantasies with the dom, and end every shoot with an interview where the model talks about his/her experiences. (And interview questions like "You liked that, didn't you?" are strictly forbidden. I love that.)
Re: Reposting to fix HTML...
Yes, exactly. And that's exactly the problem with the Goldstein study that Scott cited. They're looking for a "rapist" as someone who jumps out of the bushes and attacks strangers, disregarding the fact that most rapes occur between family and friends. Which is an extraordinarily depressing sentence, now that I've typed it out.
In reality, I'm told (I know a lot of active BDSMers), no good dom will go without a safe word and the best doms tend to have a servant mentality. They may write the plot, but they are shaping it to that particular submissive, with an awareness of that submissive's tolerances and preferences.
The "servant mentality" is a good way to put it. A good dom is all about pleasuring his or her sub; really, a good BDSM encounter is all about the sub. It's much more about fulfilling the sub's fantasies than it is about the dom. And good porn recognizes that. For example, I think that kink.com produces the most fun and humane BDSM porn on the web; which is understandable, given their lengthy list of rules for their own shoots and promotional materials (http://www.kink.com/shootingrules.php). I mean, they require every video shoot to begin with the model talking about his/her fantasies with the dom, and end every shoot with an interview where the model talks about his/her experiences. (And interview questions like "You liked that, didn't you?" are strictly forbidden. I love that.)