So the important distinction to make is not what kind of sex act is being performed or how much penetration is shown; rather, it's whether the people involved are portrayed as human beings, or as sex objects that are "fair game" to be used and abused.
Precisely. Much better summary than mine. From the git go, porn mags argued that women really want and need sex, even against their stated wishes, and that a guy who tricks, traps, coerces or forces a woman to have sex with him is doing her a good deed. Women are presented as too stupid or too evil to honestly recognize and express what they "really" want, therefore the guy gets to decide what's best for any woman he interacts with - and, often as not, what she "really" wants is abusive sex. Men get to define women's sexual needs, in other words, and somehow it turns out that women's sexual needs are to be used and abused. A quote from the very first issue of Playboy, December 1953:
All sophisticated playboys are interested in virginity.... Most men realize that virginity is an unpleasant little matter to be disposed of early in life...[in taking her virginity,] you are actually doing the girl a service. Some may suggest that you are trying to deprive them of something -- trying to take from them a cherished possession. This is nonsense. Actually, you are giving them a new freedom -- a means of enjoying life more fully.... Some difficulties have arisen because of the confusion (in female minds) between virginity and purity. The two have nothing to do with one another, and it is important that you point this out at the proper moment. Thus, armed with our conviction, we are ready to begin. First, of course, we must select a suitable subject.... Once we've found out subject, we are ready for the approach.... [don't bother with non-virgins because] it robs you of the special pleasure of spreading the good news....
Of course it soon became clear it wasn't virgins (a virgin is a person who has not had sex, not just females) but women who "didn't know what they wanted" when it came to sex, and so men should "do her the service" of insisting they have sex anyhow. Is it any wonder repeated studies have shown that half (or more!) of all college guys surveyed would rape, so long as you call it "forced sex" and so long as they were sure they wouldn't get caught? Plenty of guys who claim they hate rape will rape, because they have been taught that women don't know what they want and that their girlfriend owes them sex after they've gone together so long/after he's spent x-amount of money/because she really wants it but lies, etc.
Before porn mags like Playboy came along, rape was having sex with a woman without her permission. Now most people's definition of rape requires a stranger in the bushes and screaming and fighting on the victim's part (which completely ignores how the autonomic system works with most females - fight or flight is more common with males than females) - otherwise it's just rough or unwanted sex and what's she complaining about?
Sorry for the rant, but on reading your response I thought you might like the Playboy quote. Then I wandered. :o I know there are quotes that spell it out more bluntly ("women don't know what they want and will thank you for forcing them"), but that one shows the attitude was there from the first. According to most porn mags, the best BDSM is that without safe words and without the submissive partner ever showing the least bit of interest in it. *sigh* In reality, I'm told (I know a lot of active BDSMers), no good dom will go without a safe word and the best doms tend to have a servant mentality. They may write the plot, but they are shaping it to that particular submissive, with an awareness of that submissive's tolerances and preferences.
As you say, what matters is not the type of sex act but the attitudes of the people involved; particularly pertinent when we're talking dominants with submissives - and abusive guys aren't going to get in a sexual situation unless they're pretty sure they can dominate, so when it comes to abuse, it's always dominant with submissive in some sense of the terms. Bully with potential victim is probably a better parallel, though.
Re: Reposting to fix HTML...
Precisely. Much better summary than mine. From the git go, porn mags argued that women really want and need sex, even against their stated wishes, and that a guy who tricks, traps, coerces or forces a woman to have sex with him is doing her a good deed. Women are presented as too stupid or too evil to honestly recognize and express what they "really" want, therefore the guy gets to decide what's best for any woman he interacts with - and, often as not, what she "really" wants is abusive sex. Men get to define women's sexual needs, in other words, and somehow it turns out that women's sexual needs are to be used and abused. A quote from the very first issue of Playboy, December 1953:
All sophisticated playboys are interested in virginity.... Most men realize that virginity is an unpleasant little matter to be disposed of early in life...[in taking her virginity,] you are actually doing the girl a service. Some may suggest that you are trying to deprive them of something -- trying to take from them a cherished possession. This is nonsense. Actually, you are giving them a new freedom -- a means of enjoying life more fully.... Some difficulties have arisen because of the confusion (in female minds) between virginity and purity. The two have nothing to do with one another, and it is important that you point this out at the proper moment. Thus, armed with our conviction, we are ready to begin. First, of course, we must select a suitable subject.... Once we've found out subject, we are ready for the approach.... [don't bother with non-virgins because] it robs you of the special pleasure of spreading the good news....
Of course it soon became clear it wasn't virgins (a virgin is a person who has not had sex, not just females) but women who "didn't know what they wanted" when it came to sex, and so men should "do her the service" of insisting they have sex anyhow. Is it any wonder repeated studies have shown that half (or more!) of all college guys surveyed would rape, so long as you call it "forced sex" and so long as they were sure they wouldn't get caught? Plenty of guys who claim they hate rape will rape, because they have been taught that women don't know what they want and that their girlfriend owes them sex after they've gone together so long/after he's spent x-amount of money/because she really wants it but lies, etc.
Before porn mags like Playboy came along, rape was having sex with a woman without her permission. Now most people's definition of rape requires a stranger in the bushes and screaming and fighting on the victim's part (which completely ignores how the autonomic system works with most females - fight or flight is more common with males than females) - otherwise it's just rough or unwanted sex and what's she complaining about?
Sorry for the rant, but on reading your response I thought you might like the Playboy quote. Then I wandered. :o I know there are quotes that spell it out more bluntly ("women don't know what they want and will thank you for forcing them"), but that one shows the attitude was there from the first. According to most porn mags, the best BDSM is that without safe words and without the submissive partner ever showing the least bit of interest in it. *sigh* In reality, I'm told (I know a lot of active BDSMers), no good dom will go without a safe word and the best doms tend to have a servant mentality. They may write the plot, but they are shaping it to that particular submissive, with an awareness of that submissive's tolerances and preferences.
As you say, what matters is not the type of sex act but the attitudes of the people involved; particularly pertinent when we're talking dominants with submissives - and abusive guys aren't going to get in a sexual situation unless they're pretty sure they can dominate, so when it comes to abuse, it's always dominant with submissive in some sense of the terms. Bully with potential victim is probably a better parallel, though.
Sheryl