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Oh Shoji Kawamori NO
Shoji Kawamori is a genius. We're talking about a man who can take some of the most jaw-droppingly stupid premises ever conceived in the history of creation and then turn them into genuinely awesome anime. Or if not "awesome" then at the very least he can create pretty-fucking-enjoyable-to-watch anime, which, considering the astounding idiocy of the some of the premises that he starts with, is really quite an accomplishment.
Start with: "So like this one time Isaac Newton went batshit crazy and traveled to another dimension and, uh, something something something pretty boys with wings." End with: Escaflowne.
Start with: "What if an ENTIRE SPACESHIP could turn into a MEGA-GIANT ROBOT and also there's like these FUCKING FIFTY-STORY TALL ALIENS trying to wipe out all of mankind but they SUDDENLY CHANGE THEIR MINDS when they hear a cute idol girl singing for the first time?!" End with: Macross.
Start with: "Okay same dealio but this time the villain is a cute idol girl who also happens to be AN EVIL COMPUTER PROGRAM. Nobody's going to see that one coming!" End with: Macross Plus.
Start with: "Shit I dunno let's just come up with a flimsy excuse to keep making anime about giant robots battling aliens that through a variety of pretenses continually pivots around the involvement of cute idol girls." End with: Macross Frontier.
Start with: "Let's do one of those shows where a bunch of different robots combine to form ONE GIANT ROBOT only our unique twist on the formula will be that the combination process MAKES THE FEMALE PILOTS ORGASM. For reasons." End with: Aquarion.
Start with: "Fuck it, let's just do Aquarion again only this time EVERYBODY ORGASMS. Also something about tragic star-crossed lovers and one of them gets reincarnated as cute girl and the other gets reincarnated as a dog." End with: Aquarion Evol.
Start with: "I've got four words for you: Giant. Robots. Playing. Basketball." End with: Basquash.
I would also like to point out that this is the man responsible for designing many of the original Transformers toys. Yes, that's right. He turns shit ideas into golden anime AND he makes toys. Is there anything this man can't do?
I present to you as proof that indeed there IS nothing that this man can't do:
AKB0048.
For those of you who haven't yet heard of this show, let me describe the ridiculously stupid premise: In the GRIM DARKNESS OF THE FUTURE, humans have managed to populate multiple planets throughout the galaxy, yet all forms of art and entertainment have been banned by the fascist multiplanetary government for... reasons. You know, reasons. HOWEVER! Branded as terrorists by most yet upheld as heroes by others, one brave group of GUERILLA IDOL SINGERS resists the anti-art ban by traveling throughout the galaxy and holding GUERILLA CONCERTS wherever they can. Armed with everything from swords to tasers to GIANT FUCKING MECHS, the brave idol singers of AKB0048 alone stand against a faceless army intent upon wiping out all forms of entertainment permanently.
Fact: This is the actual premise for the show. Which means that at one point, this was an actual idea in Shoji Kawamori's head. And somebody else thought that it was a good enough idea to greenlight an actual honest-to-God multi-episode anime series based on this ridiculous idea.
Fact: Most of the main characters in this show are voiced by actual members of the real-life idol group AKB48.
Fact: I am not even kidding about the "guerilla idols IN OUTER SPAAAAACE" premise. I mean, this is the opening of the very first episode:
Compare that to a real AKB48 concert:
Honestly, the addition of missiles and hairbow-no-jutsu and giant flying mecha is an improvement.
If you were actually paying attention the girls, you maybe have noticed that some of those rainbow-haired characters from the anime look an awful lot like the real actual members of AKB48. Oh, that's deliberate. That's so very deliberate.
So the "plot" of AKB0048 follows the adventures of a group of seven idols-in-training who audition to join AKB0048. Their idol training involves not only singing and dancing, but also some pretty intense combat training as well. By the third episode, our cute idols-in-training are handling machine guns. By the seventh episode, one of them, armed only with a tiny lightsaber, takes on a fucking gigantic mech all by herself AND WINS. Oh and there's also some bullshit about a mysterious space-priest and flying sparkly occtopus/jellyfish sidekicks and jeegus I don't even know. I'm not watching this for the plot, because the plot makes no sense. Yes, I totally believe that there's a legitimate reason why in the future all entertainment would be banned, and I totally believe that the ONLY group of artists resisting this ban would be a group of Japanese bubblegum pop idols. Yep. I totally believe that. Just as much as I can believe that sparkly space-jellyfish can fly.
So in case this isn't clear by now, this anime is entirely based upon some very, very stupid foundational ideas. But we know that Shoji Kawamori can take shit ideas and spin them into gold (hence Macross and Escaflowne), so does AKB0048 hold up to Kawamori's previous track record?
Well, it's fun to watch, it's beautifully designed even if not particularly well-animated, the music is catchy, and it's entertaining enough that even cynical viewers like me are willing to forgive the fact that its entire plot is completely batshit. Even the fact that most of the girl characters are shallow moe-moe archetypes with little development or depth isn't quite enough to detract from the delirious so-stupid-it's-awesome-ness of this show.
If I have to be completely honest, however, AKB0048 suffers from two glaring flaws (aside from, you know, being completely stupid in every way possible): One, it takes itself far too seriously for a show based on such a ridiculous premise. Two, there are a few episodes that don't just toe the sexism line the way that most moe-moe shows toe the sexism line, but actually cross over the line into open, blatant misogyny. The worst offender in this regard is episode 6, which kicks off when Orine, one of our aspiring idols-to-be, gets her first piece of fanmail. Unfortunately, this fanmail turns out to be a threatening video from an anonymous masked "hater," who proceeds to tell her that her dancing sucks and that she should quit AKB0048 or else. The video ends with this masked asshole cutting the head off an Orine doll with a pair of scissors and then threatening to bomb an upcoming AKB0048 publicity event if Orine doesn't quit the group. Needless to say, Orine is left badly shaken by the horrible video. But she gathers up her courage and attends the publicity event anyway, because--
--well, because girls can't let fucking creepy overinvested neckbeard fans ruin their careers by making violent, misogynistic threats, right? Surely that has to be the moral of this episode, right? Right?!
Nope. Guess again.
The "hater" shows up at the event - masked and all - but before he can do anything to Orine, the Anti-Entertainment forces attack, forcing the AKB0048 girls to engage in melee combat. In the midst of all the chaos, the "hater" is nearly killed, but at the last possible second Orine saves his life. You'd think this would be the moment when the hater realizes that he's an asshole and thanks Orine for saving him, right? Nope, wrong again. Instead of the masked asshat apologizing to or thanking Orine, instead Orine thanks him for his hatemail. Because according to Orine, "Haters help show you your own weak spots! If he says that my dancing is lackluster, then I have to work hard to improve my dancing!" The episode ends with Orine laughing and smiling and giving a warm, fuzzy monologue about how "haters" are actually kind to idols, and how her very first hatemail was "filled with great kindness."
Yup.
Yuuuuuuup.
The actual fucking honest-to-God moral of the episode is that it's okay for creepy overinvested neckbeard fanboys to send threatening hatemail to teenage girl idols because they're actually doing those girls a *~great kindness~*. Because, you know, threatening a girl with physical violence and videotaping yourself cutting off the head of a doll in her likeness is such a *~kind~* way to tell her to work harder on her dancing.
I hope that I don't need to explain to anybody reading this everything that's wrong with that idea, right? I mean, just starting with the fact that the whole premise of the episode assumes that any criticism that the "haters" make of the girls is completely valid in the first place. Gosh, Orine, some anonymous masked person on the internet told you that your dancing sucks, therefore it MUST be true! I mean it's not like you have a dance coach to provide you with more well-informed, valid opinions about your dancing skills or anything. And you know what? That's, like, the least wrong thing about the moral of that story. The least wrong.
And this came from a Shoji Kawamori anime? Really, Shoji Kawamori? REALLY?!
I mean, I know that Kawamori doesn't have a perfect track record when it comes to female characters, but he's far from being bad - at least relative to most anime producers and writers - and he is the guy who created Escaflowne and Macross Frontier, after all. I honestly started watching AKB0048 expecting to see a fair amount of moe-moe bullshit and sexism, and I wasn't surprised when the sexism and moe-moe bullshit started right in the first episode. But I WAS honestly surprised at the way that episode 6 played out, and I say that as somebody who had low expectations of this anime in the first place. I never expected to see that type of misogyny in a Kawamori anime. But there it is. And boy is it ugly.
But I would hate to end this post on such a negative note, so let me say this: It's stupid and it has some ugly misogynistic warts, but AKB0048 is still one helluva fun series nevertheless. It's definitely of the so-stupid-that-it's-awesome flavor of "fun", but if you can suspend your disbelief (and turn off most of your brain cells) long enough to enjoy it, you'll be treated to a lot of cute girls being badass awesome and a lot of earwormy, catchy music.
Which is really all that you could ask for from a Kawamori anime.
Start with: "So like this one time Isaac Newton went batshit crazy and traveled to another dimension and, uh, something something something pretty boys with wings." End with: Escaflowne.
Start with: "What if an ENTIRE SPACESHIP could turn into a MEGA-GIANT ROBOT and also there's like these FUCKING FIFTY-STORY TALL ALIENS trying to wipe out all of mankind but they SUDDENLY CHANGE THEIR MINDS when they hear a cute idol girl singing for the first time?!" End with: Macross.
Start with: "Okay same dealio but this time the villain is a cute idol girl who also happens to be AN EVIL COMPUTER PROGRAM. Nobody's going to see that one coming!" End with: Macross Plus.
Start with: "Shit I dunno let's just come up with a flimsy excuse to keep making anime about giant robots battling aliens that through a variety of pretenses continually pivots around the involvement of cute idol girls." End with: Macross Frontier.
Start with: "Let's do one of those shows where a bunch of different robots combine to form ONE GIANT ROBOT only our unique twist on the formula will be that the combination process MAKES THE FEMALE PILOTS ORGASM. For reasons." End with: Aquarion.
Start with: "Fuck it, let's just do Aquarion again only this time EVERYBODY ORGASMS. Also something about tragic star-crossed lovers and one of them gets reincarnated as cute girl and the other gets reincarnated as a dog." End with: Aquarion Evol.
Start with: "I've got four words for you: Giant. Robots. Playing. Basketball." End with: Basquash.
I would also like to point out that this is the man responsible for designing many of the original Transformers toys. Yes, that's right. He turns shit ideas into golden anime AND he makes toys. Is there anything this man can't do?
I present to you as proof that indeed there IS nothing that this man can't do:
AKB0048.
For those of you who haven't yet heard of this show, let me describe the ridiculously stupid premise: In the GRIM DARKNESS OF THE FUTURE, humans have managed to populate multiple planets throughout the galaxy, yet all forms of art and entertainment have been banned by the fascist multiplanetary government for... reasons. You know, reasons. HOWEVER! Branded as terrorists by most yet upheld as heroes by others, one brave group of GUERILLA IDOL SINGERS resists the anti-art ban by traveling throughout the galaxy and holding GUERILLA CONCERTS wherever they can. Armed with everything from swords to tasers to GIANT FUCKING MECHS, the brave idol singers of AKB0048 alone stand against a faceless army intent upon wiping out all forms of entertainment permanently.
Fact: This is the actual premise for the show. Which means that at one point, this was an actual idea in Shoji Kawamori's head. And somebody else thought that it was a good enough idea to greenlight an actual honest-to-God multi-episode anime series based on this ridiculous idea.
Fact: Most of the main characters in this show are voiced by actual members of the real-life idol group AKB48.
Fact: I am not even kidding about the "guerilla idols IN OUTER SPAAAAACE" premise. I mean, this is the opening of the very first episode:
Compare that to a real AKB48 concert:
Honestly, the addition of missiles and hairbow-no-jutsu and giant flying mecha is an improvement.
If you were actually paying attention the girls, you maybe have noticed that some of those rainbow-haired characters from the anime look an awful lot like the real actual members of AKB48. Oh, that's deliberate. That's so very deliberate.
So the "plot" of AKB0048 follows the adventures of a group of seven idols-in-training who audition to join AKB0048. Their idol training involves not only singing and dancing, but also some pretty intense combat training as well. By the third episode, our cute idols-in-training are handling machine guns. By the seventh episode, one of them, armed only with a tiny lightsaber, takes on a fucking gigantic mech all by herself AND WINS. Oh and there's also some bullshit about a mysterious space-priest and flying sparkly occtopus/jellyfish sidekicks and jeegus I don't even know. I'm not watching this for the plot, because the plot makes no sense. Yes, I totally believe that there's a legitimate reason why in the future all entertainment would be banned, and I totally believe that the ONLY group of artists resisting this ban would be a group of Japanese bubblegum pop idols. Yep. I totally believe that. Just as much as I can believe that sparkly space-jellyfish can fly.
So in case this isn't clear by now, this anime is entirely based upon some very, very stupid foundational ideas. But we know that Shoji Kawamori can take shit ideas and spin them into gold (hence Macross and Escaflowne), so does AKB0048 hold up to Kawamori's previous track record?
Well, it's fun to watch, it's beautifully designed even if not particularly well-animated, the music is catchy, and it's entertaining enough that even cynical viewers like me are willing to forgive the fact that its entire plot is completely batshit. Even the fact that most of the girl characters are shallow moe-moe archetypes with little development or depth isn't quite enough to detract from the delirious so-stupid-it's-awesome-ness of this show.
If I have to be completely honest, however, AKB0048 suffers from two glaring flaws (aside from, you know, being completely stupid in every way possible): One, it takes itself far too seriously for a show based on such a ridiculous premise. Two, there are a few episodes that don't just toe the sexism line the way that most moe-moe shows toe the sexism line, but actually cross over the line into open, blatant misogyny. The worst offender in this regard is episode 6, which kicks off when Orine, one of our aspiring idols-to-be, gets her first piece of fanmail. Unfortunately, this fanmail turns out to be a threatening video from an anonymous masked "hater," who proceeds to tell her that her dancing sucks and that she should quit AKB0048 or else. The video ends with this masked asshole cutting the head off an Orine doll with a pair of scissors and then threatening to bomb an upcoming AKB0048 publicity event if Orine doesn't quit the group. Needless to say, Orine is left badly shaken by the horrible video. But she gathers up her courage and attends the publicity event anyway, because--
--well, because girls can't let fucking creepy overinvested neckbeard fans ruin their careers by making violent, misogynistic threats, right? Surely that has to be the moral of this episode, right? Right?!
Nope. Guess again.
The "hater" shows up at the event - masked and all - but before he can do anything to Orine, the Anti-Entertainment forces attack, forcing the AKB0048 girls to engage in melee combat. In the midst of all the chaos, the "hater" is nearly killed, but at the last possible second Orine saves his life. You'd think this would be the moment when the hater realizes that he's an asshole and thanks Orine for saving him, right? Nope, wrong again. Instead of the masked asshat apologizing to or thanking Orine, instead Orine thanks him for his hatemail. Because according to Orine, "Haters help show you your own weak spots! If he says that my dancing is lackluster, then I have to work hard to improve my dancing!" The episode ends with Orine laughing and smiling and giving a warm, fuzzy monologue about how "haters" are actually kind to idols, and how her very first hatemail was "filled with great kindness."
Yup.
Yuuuuuuup.
The actual fucking honest-to-God moral of the episode is that it's okay for creepy overinvested neckbeard fanboys to send threatening hatemail to teenage girl idols because they're actually doing those girls a *~great kindness~*. Because, you know, threatening a girl with physical violence and videotaping yourself cutting off the head of a doll in her likeness is such a *~kind~* way to tell her to work harder on her dancing.
I hope that I don't need to explain to anybody reading this everything that's wrong with that idea, right? I mean, just starting with the fact that the whole premise of the episode assumes that any criticism that the "haters" make of the girls is completely valid in the first place. Gosh, Orine, some anonymous masked person on the internet told you that your dancing sucks, therefore it MUST be true! I mean it's not like you have a dance coach to provide you with more well-informed, valid opinions about your dancing skills or anything. And you know what? That's, like, the least wrong thing about the moral of that story. The least wrong.
And this came from a Shoji Kawamori anime? Really, Shoji Kawamori? REALLY?!
I mean, I know that Kawamori doesn't have a perfect track record when it comes to female characters, but he's far from being bad - at least relative to most anime producers and writers - and he is the guy who created Escaflowne and Macross Frontier, after all. I honestly started watching AKB0048 expecting to see a fair amount of moe-moe bullshit and sexism, and I wasn't surprised when the sexism and moe-moe bullshit started right in the first episode. But I WAS honestly surprised at the way that episode 6 played out, and I say that as somebody who had low expectations of this anime in the first place. I never expected to see that type of misogyny in a Kawamori anime. But there it is. And boy is it ugly.
But I would hate to end this post on such a negative note, so let me say this: It's stupid and it has some ugly misogynistic warts, but AKB0048 is still one helluva fun series nevertheless. It's definitely of the so-stupid-that-it's-awesome flavor of "fun", but if you can suspend your disbelief (and turn off most of your brain cells) long enough to enjoy it, you'll be treated to a lot of cute girls being badass awesome and a lot of earwormy, catchy music.
Which is really all that you could ask for from a Kawamori anime.