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Soul Eater Chapter 68: Is that a sword under your dress, or are you just happy to see me?
Crona? What Crona? Apparently we need to open this chapter with five pages of extraneous failure from Team Failboat first.
We open in Team Failboat's hideout. Noah's all like, "Hey guyz, check out what I made." What could it be? Another robot puppy? Something as diabolical as the Morality Manipulation Machine? Maybe a demon tool that makes practical use of the BREW?!
No, of course not.
It's a belt.
"It's a belt," Noah says.
Oh, dear. Noah, your fashion license is officially REVOKED FOREVER. That is one hella fugly belt.
"This will increase the power of a demon tool by ten percent," Noah says. "But I'm a little bit uneasy about testing it on myself." Well, that's what Waffles is for!
"You called for me, Noah-sama?"
"Of course I did, Waffles-kun."
"You made a special demon tool just for me, Noah-sama?!" Oh my gosh. The look on Waffles's face totally reminds me of the look on my dog's face that she used to have on Thanksgiving Day. You made a whole turkey just for me?! Oh, I love you so much!!!!
Oh silly puppy, that turkey is not just for you. It is not even primarily for you. I don't think that this belt is intended just for Waffles, either.
"Yeah so like, put on this belt and go blow up a village or something," Noah says. Whoa! What a dick!
So Waffles flies off to some village AAAAAANNNNNNNDDDDD...
Epic failure. Of course.
Waffles comes back making an epic :< face. "I'm so sorry, Noah-sama... I broke it..." Maybe you broke it, or maybe it just sucked. I'm thinking that maybe it just sucked.
Noah, this is what you get for inflicting your epic awful fashion sense upon Waffles, who, by the way, is still dressed waaaaaaaay better than you are.
"It's all right..." Noah says. "Leave now..." Damn, it's a good thing I didn't test it on myself, Noah think-bubbles.
Waffles bawls, of course, then stalks off pouting. I failed again. It's HIS fault. It's all HIS fault! We've had nothing but failures since HE came along!
Oh my god. Can Kid really take credit for Team Failboat being nothing but epic failures since the end of the Baba Yaga arc? Really?! Because that would be kind of freakin' awesome. I guess that Kid is so badass that he can totally fuck up the plans of powerful villains just by sitting around and doing nothing. Awesome.
I mean, think about it: Both Noah and Justin were racking up the epic wins before Kid came along. Justin killed BJ and successfully framed Stein for it. Noah turned Arachne into pure crazybeans, killed Mosquito, and walked out of the Baba Yaga arc with the BREW and a pet shinigami added to his collection. Since then, however, things have gone completely downhill for both of them. Justin fails to kill Maka. Noah fails to, well, do anything really. Waffles fails, and fails, and fails again.
Hmmmm. Kind of makes you think.
Asura went insane, and now projects an insanity wavelength. Kid committed a string of epic failures ("I'mma gonna go after Mosquito! I'mma gonna run straight into Arachne's headquarters with no backup! I'mma gonna sit here and hope that creepy dude with the hat doesn't see me OH SHIT--"), so now maybe he can project his own epic failure wavelength?
It would explain so much.
And no, I don't know how Giricco would fit into that picture, because, well. He's Giricco.
Anywhoo. Noah flips through his book, looks up at nothing in particular, and ponders out loud, "I wonder if Medusa's experiments are turning out to be failures, too..."
Based on the next couple pages, I'd say no, not quite! Not yet at least. Then again, Medusa did seem to be grasping at straws when she declared her "success" in the previous chapter.
Said "success" suddenly appears right between Crona's legs. Oh, that's not a suggestive phallic symbol pointing right at Crona's crotch or anything. "Come to me, Black Clown..." Crona says.
Oh, cool! That is admittedly an incredibly nifty fusion thing that Crona's got going right now. Hmmm, kind of reminds me of this.
Tsubaki's all like, "ZOMG three demon swords!" And I'm all like, ZOMG repetition of the three-motif SIGNIFICANCE ALERT! SIGNIFICANCE ALERT!
And Black Star's all like, "Okay, then. I've got the Phantom Sword in one hand, the power of JUDO in my other hand, and I'm good!"
Tsubaki immediately sees the math fail here. "What about the third sword?"
Black Star grins. "A man is always..." He thrusts his crotch in Crona's general direction. "WIELDING THE ULTIMATE THIRD SWORD!"
Oh thank God. It just wouldn't be a Black Star chapter without the obligatory Black Star Penis Joke, would it?
Tsubaki is not amused. "As a Spartoi, you should have grown past those stupid kinds of jokes by now. Everyone will think you're an idiot."
"Oh, speaking of which," Black Star says, "Hey, Crona. I always wanted to ask, but do you have, like, a fourth sword under there?"
"What?" Crona says.
Suddenly, Ragnarok appears! "What, you really wanna know?!" And then Rags tries to lift Crona's clothes--
--fandom collectively holds its breath--
--and Crona will have none of this crap. "Noooo! Stop it! Don't do perverted things to me!" Then Crona turns hir attention back to Black Star. "If you're going to say perverted things.... I won't forgive you for that."
"SCREAM RESONANCE!"
Oh, now we're talking.
Crona screams and kicks ass! The artwork kicks ass! Black Star, however, looks bored.
Medusa notices. "I got my kid to grow an extra arm and this idiot isn't even impressed?!"
The fight continues. "GET OUTTA MY SIGHT!" Crona screams. Black Star doesn't even flinch. Instead, he whistles. "Wow, you're loud."
Medusa is like, "Der? Der?"
Then Black Star draws in a deep breath.
IT'S SCREAMING TIME!
So now Black Star is drowning out Crona's screaming with his own screaming - no seriously, Ohkubo is like layering Black Star's scream-bubble on top of Crona's scream-bubble and oh god this is glorious - and Ragnarok's all like, "Blerk?!"
Then Black Star pulls back and punches Crona in the face.
Again. And again. And again.
Now, however, it's Crona's turn not to flinch. Or even to bat an eyelid. "Crona has black blood, you can't hurt hir with mere punches, blah blah blah," Medusa helpfully reminds us readers.
"YOU!!" Black Star snarls at Crona. "Just to get this stupid power-up, you, you--"
Black Star's punch sends Crona flying through the air.
"YOU BETRAYED MAKA!!!"
Crona gets up, undamaged. "What are you talking about...? What...? Who is 'Maka'...?"
Epic Black Star face. "Jiggawhu?!"
"I couldn't be there... I could only come back here..." Crona looks up. "Huh... Where was it that I came back from...?" Crona grabs hir arm. "The only one who really appreciates me is Medusa-sama... Because she's my mother."
"But Maka-chan always thought of you as a real friend!" Tsubaki protests.
"I don't want to just be protected," Crona says. "When someone gets tired of taking care of me, they leave me. I can't go on, always being afraid of that happening..." Zhe starts screaming again. "So who IS this 'Maka'?! I don't know that person!!" Hir clown-flavored soul powers up. "WHO THE HELL IS MAKA?!?!"
Blah blah blah Phantom Blade.
Blah blah blah Screech Delta.
Blah blah blah Crona violently dismembers like a jillion Black Stars. 'Sokay, though, the real one still has all of his limbs! (Wow, Black Star is doing better than Kid fared against Mosquito so far.)
Tsubaki's all like, "Oh noes, my totally awesome power-up form isn't working!"
"I LOL at puny Shibusen ninjas," Medusa says. "Also, even when fighting a friend from Shibusen, it appears as though Crona's 'Heart of Insanity' is stable." What the hell is that?! Is it like the Heart of Kandrakar, but evil?
"Don't back down, Crona!" Ragnarok cheerleads.
"Tsubsaki! Do something awesome!" Black Star shouts.
And then she does. Shadow Star Second Form: Moonlight Leaf.
Oh, now that kicks ass.
Wow, that really kicks ass.
Crona's armor is actually taking damage. "He damaged the black blood with just his fist?!" Medusa comments.
"What is this... This guy... He's too strong..." Crona whines. "I have to kill the scary man, I have to kill the scary person..."
"I wasn't certain that Crona could win against Black Star," Medusa says, donning the Captain Exposition hat. "But I thought zhe could do better than this. It appears as though I performed too few tests so far. Black Star brags that he will surpass God... I guess I can't really laugh at that idea anymore. If I let the two of them keep fighting like this, Crona will be seriously damaged... Oh well. At least I could accurately measure the stability of Crona's soul. This is still a success." Hmmm, grasping for straws again, are you, Medusa?
"Rather than worrying about your child's safety, shouldn't you be more concerned about your own predicament right now?"
What predicament?
Oh. It's Justin.
That predicament.
Medusa turns around. "Persistent, aren't you." She grins. "Because of your little stunt, I had to leave my previous facility in a rush, and left behind all of my experimental notes for Shibusen to get their hands on." Wait, what? Did Justin do something that caused Medusa to abandon that town in "Africa" in a rush?
Never mind. It's Law-Abiding Silver Gun time.
Back to Crona. "Please, stop this, Crona!" Tsubaki yells. "None of us are ever going to betray you... There's no reason to be afraid of us..."
Crona smiles sadly, but says nothing.
"Please come back with us," Tsubaki pleads. "Everyone is waiting for you... You found finally something precious at Shibusen, didn't you?"
"Something... precious..." Crona looks up at her. "Do you mean friends...? Who is Maka? And Soul...? Kid? Liz? Patti? Who are those people?" Crona looks back down. "Marie-sensei... Who is she..." Crona looks back up. "Even if none of you are going to betray me, I still betrayed all of you... I can't be there anymore... HUH?! What am I talking about? I don't know! I don't know!"
Then Crona's face gets creepy. "That's why it's better for me to be alone... I don't know how to deal with other people... That's why Medusa-sama gave me this power... Ragnarok... the Black Clown... If I use this power, then I can defeat you..."
"You're an idiot," Black Star says. "You don't understand anything, do you?! The most important thing isn't power, it isn't courage, it isn't even having friends! The only thing that matters is that you can rely on ME."
Wait, what?
"I am the most reliable man in the entire world! The whole world relies on me!" Black Star goes on. "Anybody who can't put their faith in me is a total idiot!"
"I'll kill you," Crona chants. "I'll kill you. I don't know how to deal with reliable people. I'll kill you. I'll kill you."
And on that note, back to Justin and Medusa! "To create an artificial clown is blasphemy against the Lord Kishin, oh witch... It is time that you realized a taste of true insanity..."
"How conceited for a mere executioner to say such flowery words," Medusa comments. Eruka... Mizune... We have an uninvited guest again... Retrieve Crona and retreat at once!
So Eruka appears (YAAAAAAAAAAY ERUKA!!!!!!!) and throws a bomb at Black Star's face. "WTF it's the frog lady?!" Black Star says. Yep, it's the frog lady, and the 3-form and 2-form Mizune (YAAAAAAAAAAY MIZUNE!!!!!!!) as well.
So now Black Star is fighting two Mizune. "Crona, let's jump in!" Ragnarok says, back in cheerleader mode. So now Crona and Ragnarok jump in the fray, too! Eruka stands back, watching this epic clusterfuck, and comments, "Ummmm, do I have to join the fight too?"
Black Star whirls around kicking ass, the Mizune fight, Crona and Ragnarok fight, and Eruka comments to herself, "Even if all nine of us were in there, we wouldn't stand a chance..." Eruka stares at the rest of them. "Um, retreat... We're supposed to retreat..."
Okay so now I turn the page and--
the hell?
Am I missing a page, or something?
I assume that's Crona's hand (who else has black blood?!) reaching for Medusa, but if so, then how did Crona get there?
Yeah anyway I seriously doubt that Medusa is about to die. Seriously, seriously doubt.
Oh well. Until next month!
We open in Team Failboat's hideout. Noah's all like, "Hey guyz, check out what I made." What could it be? Another robot puppy? Something as diabolical as the Morality Manipulation Machine? Maybe a demon tool that makes practical use of the BREW?!
No, of course not.
It's a belt.
"It's a belt," Noah says.
Oh, dear. Noah, your fashion license is officially REVOKED FOREVER. That is one hella fugly belt.
"This will increase the power of a demon tool by ten percent," Noah says. "But I'm a little bit uneasy about testing it on myself." Well, that's what Waffles is for!
"You called for me, Noah-sama?"
"Of course I did, Waffles-kun."
"You made a special demon tool just for me, Noah-sama?!" Oh my gosh. The look on Waffles's face totally reminds me of the look on my dog's face that she used to have on Thanksgiving Day. You made a whole turkey just for me?! Oh, I love you so much!!!!
Oh silly puppy, that turkey is not just for you. It is not even primarily for you. I don't think that this belt is intended just for Waffles, either.
"Yeah so like, put on this belt and go blow up a village or something," Noah says. Whoa! What a dick!
So Waffles flies off to some village AAAAAANNNNNNNDDDDD...
Epic failure. Of course.
Waffles comes back making an epic :< face. "I'm so sorry, Noah-sama... I broke it..." Maybe you broke it, or maybe it just sucked. I'm thinking that maybe it just sucked.
Noah, this is what you get for inflicting your epic awful fashion sense upon Waffles, who, by the way, is still dressed waaaaaaaay better than you are.
"It's all right..." Noah says. "Leave now..." Damn, it's a good thing I didn't test it on myself, Noah think-bubbles.
Waffles bawls, of course, then stalks off pouting. I failed again. It's HIS fault. It's all HIS fault! We've had nothing but failures since HE came along!
Oh my god. Can Kid really take credit for Team Failboat being nothing but epic failures since the end of the Baba Yaga arc? Really?! Because that would be kind of freakin' awesome. I guess that Kid is so badass that he can totally fuck up the plans of powerful villains just by sitting around and doing nothing. Awesome.
I mean, think about it: Both Noah and Justin were racking up the epic wins before Kid came along. Justin killed BJ and successfully framed Stein for it. Noah turned Arachne into pure crazybeans, killed Mosquito, and walked out of the Baba Yaga arc with the BREW and a pet shinigami added to his collection. Since then, however, things have gone completely downhill for both of them. Justin fails to kill Maka. Noah fails to, well, do anything really. Waffles fails, and fails, and fails again.
Hmmmm. Kind of makes you think.
Asura went insane, and now projects an insanity wavelength. Kid committed a string of epic failures ("I'mma gonna go after Mosquito! I'mma gonna run straight into Arachne's headquarters with no backup! I'mma gonna sit here and hope that creepy dude with the hat doesn't see me OH SHIT--"), so now maybe he can project his own epic failure wavelength?
It would explain so much.
And no, I don't know how Giricco would fit into that picture, because, well. He's Giricco.
Anywhoo. Noah flips through his book, looks up at nothing in particular, and ponders out loud, "I wonder if Medusa's experiments are turning out to be failures, too..."
Based on the next couple pages, I'd say no, not quite! Not yet at least. Then again, Medusa did seem to be grasping at straws when she declared her "success" in the previous chapter.
Said "success" suddenly appears right between Crona's legs. Oh, that's not a suggestive phallic symbol pointing right at Crona's crotch or anything. "Come to me, Black Clown..." Crona says.
Oh, cool! That is admittedly an incredibly nifty fusion thing that Crona's got going right now. Hmmm, kind of reminds me of this.
Tsubaki's all like, "ZOMG three demon swords!" And I'm all like, ZOMG repetition of the three-motif SIGNIFICANCE ALERT! SIGNIFICANCE ALERT!
And Black Star's all like, "Okay, then. I've got the Phantom Sword in one hand, the power of JUDO in my other hand, and I'm good!"
Tsubaki immediately sees the math fail here. "What about the third sword?"
Black Star grins. "A man is always..." He thrusts his crotch in Crona's general direction. "WIELDING THE ULTIMATE THIRD SWORD!"
Oh thank God. It just wouldn't be a Black Star chapter without the obligatory Black Star Penis Joke, would it?
Tsubaki is not amused. "As a Spartoi, you should have grown past those stupid kinds of jokes by now. Everyone will think you're an idiot."
"Oh, speaking of which," Black Star says, "Hey, Crona. I always wanted to ask, but do you have, like, a fourth sword under there?"
"What?" Crona says.
Suddenly, Ragnarok appears! "What, you really wanna know?!" And then Rags tries to lift Crona's clothes--
--fandom collectively holds its breath--
--and Crona will have none of this crap. "Noooo! Stop it! Don't do perverted things to me!" Then Crona turns hir attention back to Black Star. "If you're going to say perverted things.... I won't forgive you for that."
"SCREAM RESONANCE!"
Oh, now we're talking.
Crona screams and kicks ass! The artwork kicks ass! Black Star, however, looks bored.
Medusa notices. "I got my kid to grow an extra arm and this idiot isn't even impressed?!"
The fight continues. "GET OUTTA MY SIGHT!" Crona screams. Black Star doesn't even flinch. Instead, he whistles. "Wow, you're loud."
Medusa is like, "Der? Der?"
Then Black Star draws in a deep breath.
IT'S SCREAMING TIME!
So now Black Star is drowning out Crona's screaming with his own screaming - no seriously, Ohkubo is like layering Black Star's scream-bubble on top of Crona's scream-bubble and oh god this is glorious - and Ragnarok's all like, "Blerk?!"
Then Black Star pulls back and punches Crona in the face.
Again. And again. And again.
Now, however, it's Crona's turn not to flinch. Or even to bat an eyelid. "Crona has black blood, you can't hurt hir with mere punches, blah blah blah," Medusa helpfully reminds us readers.
"YOU!!" Black Star snarls at Crona. "Just to get this stupid power-up, you, you--"
Black Star's punch sends Crona flying through the air.
"YOU BETRAYED MAKA!!!"
Crona gets up, undamaged. "What are you talking about...? What...? Who is 'Maka'...?"
Epic Black Star face. "Jiggawhu?!"
"I couldn't be there... I could only come back here..." Crona looks up. "Huh... Where was it that I came back from...?" Crona grabs hir arm. "The only one who really appreciates me is Medusa-sama... Because she's my mother."
"But Maka-chan always thought of you as a real friend!" Tsubaki protests.
"I don't want to just be protected," Crona says. "When someone gets tired of taking care of me, they leave me. I can't go on, always being afraid of that happening..." Zhe starts screaming again. "So who IS this 'Maka'?! I don't know that person!!" Hir clown-flavored soul powers up. "WHO THE HELL IS MAKA?!?!"
Blah blah blah Phantom Blade.
Blah blah blah Screech Delta.
Blah blah blah Crona violently dismembers like a jillion Black Stars. 'Sokay, though, the real one still has all of his limbs! (Wow, Black Star is doing better than Kid fared against Mosquito so far.)
Tsubaki's all like, "Oh noes, my totally awesome power-up form isn't working!"
"I LOL at puny Shibusen ninjas," Medusa says. "Also, even when fighting a friend from Shibusen, it appears as though Crona's 'Heart of Insanity' is stable." What the hell is that?! Is it like the Heart of Kandrakar, but evil?
"Don't back down, Crona!" Ragnarok cheerleads.
"Tsubsaki! Do something awesome!" Black Star shouts.
And then she does. Shadow Star Second Form: Moonlight Leaf.
Oh, now that kicks ass.
Wow, that really kicks ass.
Crona's armor is actually taking damage. "He damaged the black blood with just his fist?!" Medusa comments.
"What is this... This guy... He's too strong..." Crona whines. "I have to kill the scary man, I have to kill the scary person..."
"I wasn't certain that Crona could win against Black Star," Medusa says, donning the Captain Exposition hat. "But I thought zhe could do better than this. It appears as though I performed too few tests so far. Black Star brags that he will surpass God... I guess I can't really laugh at that idea anymore. If I let the two of them keep fighting like this, Crona will be seriously damaged... Oh well. At least I could accurately measure the stability of Crona's soul. This is still a success." Hmmm, grasping for straws again, are you, Medusa?
"Rather than worrying about your child's safety, shouldn't you be more concerned about your own predicament right now?"
What predicament?
Oh. It's Justin.
That predicament.
Medusa turns around. "Persistent, aren't you." She grins. "Because of your little stunt, I had to leave my previous facility in a rush, and left behind all of my experimental notes for Shibusen to get their hands on." Wait, what? Did Justin do something that caused Medusa to abandon that town in "Africa" in a rush?
Never mind. It's Law-Abiding Silver Gun time.
Back to Crona. "Please, stop this, Crona!" Tsubaki yells. "None of us are ever going to betray you... There's no reason to be afraid of us..."
Crona smiles sadly, but says nothing.
"Please come back with us," Tsubaki pleads. "Everyone is waiting for you... You found finally something precious at Shibusen, didn't you?"
"Something... precious..." Crona looks up at her. "Do you mean friends...? Who is Maka? And Soul...? Kid? Liz? Patti? Who are those people?" Crona looks back down. "Marie-sensei... Who is she..." Crona looks back up. "Even if none of you are going to betray me, I still betrayed all of you... I can't be there anymore... HUH?! What am I talking about? I don't know! I don't know!"
Then Crona's face gets creepy. "That's why it's better for me to be alone... I don't know how to deal with other people... That's why Medusa-sama gave me this power... Ragnarok... the Black Clown... If I use this power, then I can defeat you..."
"You're an idiot," Black Star says. "You don't understand anything, do you?! The most important thing isn't power, it isn't courage, it isn't even having friends! The only thing that matters is that you can rely on ME."
Wait, what?
"I am the most reliable man in the entire world! The whole world relies on me!" Black Star goes on. "Anybody who can't put their faith in me is a total idiot!"
"I'll kill you," Crona chants. "I'll kill you. I don't know how to deal with reliable people. I'll kill you. I'll kill you."
And on that note, back to Justin and Medusa! "To create an artificial clown is blasphemy against the Lord Kishin, oh witch... It is time that you realized a taste of true insanity..."
"How conceited for a mere executioner to say such flowery words," Medusa comments. Eruka... Mizune... We have an uninvited guest again... Retrieve Crona and retreat at once!
So Eruka appears (YAAAAAAAAAAY ERUKA!!!!!!!) and throws a bomb at Black Star's face. "WTF it's the frog lady?!" Black Star says. Yep, it's the frog lady, and the 3-form and 2-form Mizune (YAAAAAAAAAAY MIZUNE!!!!!!!) as well.
So now Black Star is fighting two Mizune. "Crona, let's jump in!" Ragnarok says, back in cheerleader mode. So now Crona and Ragnarok jump in the fray, too! Eruka stands back, watching this epic clusterfuck, and comments, "Ummmm, do I have to join the fight too?"
Black Star whirls around kicking ass, the Mizune fight, Crona and Ragnarok fight, and Eruka comments to herself, "Even if all nine of us were in there, we wouldn't stand a chance..." Eruka stares at the rest of them. "Um, retreat... We're supposed to retreat..."
Okay so now I turn the page and--
the hell?
Am I missing a page, or something?
I assume that's Crona's hand (who else has black blood?!) reaching for Medusa, but if so, then how did Crona get there?
Yeah anyway I seriously doubt that Medusa is about to die. Seriously, seriously doubt.
Oh well. Until next month!
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