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This week's Tsubasa - Chapter 197
It's going to be three weeks before the next chapter of Tsubasa, so enjoy this week's fix while it lasts!
Unfortunately, in this chapter, absolutely nothing happened. Also, why is it that in anime and manga, nobody ever goes to a hospital when they need to?
So, quick recap of what happened last week, since I never actually clarified what happened last week:
Syaoran tried to reach for Sakura while dramatically screaming her name. "SAKURAAAAAAAA!!!1!11!"
Sakura was drowning in black goo, but apparently she still had the presence of mind to say, "No... My real name... is..."
Syaoran reached for her again, then - for some reason that I'm still scratching my head over - he hesitated for a single instant. And of course that single instant was all that it took for the black goo to envelop Sakura completely. And then FWR did his evil laugh and said, "LOL, you hesitated! You fail as a shounen hero and now I just pwned your girlfriend."
So. The black goo. The black goo peeled away and revealed Sakura, just floating there, with her eyes closed, and gooey black wings sprouting from her back. There was also a small black orb floating in front of her chest. FWR said that he'd placed a "death seal" on her. When the "death seal" grows to envelop her completely, she will die. Syaoran asked FWR why he would do such a thing. FWR was all like, "Blah blah blah for the sake of my wish. No, I'm not going to tell you what my wish is, what, you think that two hundred chapters is long enough for you to wait to find out? Hah! It'll be two hundred and fifty chapters before the bound-to-be-incredibly-lame ultimate movitation for all of my evil machinations is revealed! Mwah ha ha ha ha ha! And I'm sure that it will actually be an incredibly sappy motivation, like trying to return my loved one from the grave, boo hoo hoo, and I'm sure that CLAMP will expect the readers to actually feel sorry for me while at the same time conveniently forgetting about the way that I killed Kurogane's mother, killed Fay's brothers, killed Xing Huo, and killed you in cold blood."
Syaoran: "Killed... me?"
"Yeah. Hold still. This is going to sting."
And then FWR killed Syaoran. End of chapter.
Disclaimer: FWR may not actually have said all of those things that I said that he said.
So! That brings us up to chapter 197!
The chapter begins with a giant deus ex machina. Hey, remember at the end of the previous chapter when FWR burned Syaoran to a crisp? Psych! As it turns out, at the exact moment that FWR magic-missle'd Syaoran, Syaoran's seven days in Clow Country ran out, and he was instantly transported back to Yuuko's shop.
Only he's still massively injured from his non-fight with FWR.
So Yuuko bandages up Syaoran and puts him to bed.
Now... Hey, kids! Do you have a shota fetish? Do you have a bandage fetish? Do you have a shota-in-bandages fetish?! If so, then you're going to LOVE the next seventeen pages in this week's chapter, which Syaoran spends wrapped from head to toe in a ridiculous amount of bandages. Oh, and blood dribbles out of his mouth every time he tries to speak. Like, really drippy, detailed blood. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaah CLAMP. I understand that "detailed artwork" is your thing, but really, gaaaaaaaaaaaah. I do NOT need to see seventeen pages of blood gushing out of Syaoran's mouth.
And FFS, Yuuko. If the little boy can't say three words without blood gushing from his mouth, then that's probably an indication that he should be in a hospital rather than lying around inside of your dusty old shop. Argh. Logic.
Anyway, bloody!Syaoran and Yuuko basically have the following conversation.
SYAORAN: Oh crap I'm back.
YUUKO: Yeah. Your father paid the price for me treating you. Considering that your mouth is still gushing blood every time that you speak, and considering that you probably could have gotten better treatment in a real hospital, one does have to question the wisdom of your father's decision. But whatever. Do tell me everything that happened in Clow Country, and I'll pretend like it's all news to me because I was totally not watching your every move and delivering vaguely ominous foreshadowing comments at the end of each of the previous ten chapters.
SYAORAN: A scary Chinese man with tentacles showed up and ate my girlfriend. Then he put a "death seal" on her. Then he barbecued me, but not. I guess. I think my lungs are filling with blood, though.
YUUKO: Oh yeah. Death Seal. Well, that means that when her black wings grow large enough, they'll engulf her body and she'll die. The only way to remove a Death Seal is to exchange one life for another.
SYAORAN: (*coughs up a gallon of blood and tries to get up*)
YUUKO: Where are you going?
SYAORAN: I'mma gonna go back to the Clow Country.
YUUKO: You can't do that because neither you nor your parents have the power to cross dimensions.
SYAORAN: If I pay you a price, will you grant my wish?And for the love of Buddha, lady, will you PLEASE call an ambulance?
YUUKO: You're going to Clow Country to sacrifice your life in exchange for Sakura's, aren't you.
SYAORAN: No, I'm not going to die, and I'm not going to let Sakura die either!
YUUKO: LOL, okay. Since I'm a sadistic bitch, I'm going to grant your wish. The price is that it will be a one-way trip. In Clow Country right now, there is nobody with the power to cross dimensions - which means nobody with the power to send you back to your home world. Unless that changes, you might never see your mother or father again.
(Editor's note: That is not a "price." It is a circumstance.)
SYAORAN: Screw my parents, I promised Sakura that I would protect her.And she's basically my mom anyway, so it's not like I'm going to miss her. Bleeeeeeeegh Sa... ku... ra.... (*coughs up a gallon of blood and faints*)
So. The chapter ends when Yuuko wipes some blood off Syaoran's mouth with her fingers (CHRIST Yuuko that is SO UNSANITARY) and delivers some more vaguely ominous monologue about "choices" and how from now on, Syaoran is going to have to... Dun dun dunnnnnn... make choices.
NO WAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CHOICES!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good one, CLAMP. I totally never would have seen that coming!
Questions raised by this chapter and previous chapter:
What in the flying fuckity fuck is FWR planning?! Look, okay, up until this flashback sequence, FWR's plan was actually pretty clear:
1. Lure Sakura to ruins.
2. Scatter Sakura's memories across dimensions - provide motivations for dimension-hopping travel.
3. Let dimension-hopping travel happen; be sure to send only incompetent minions to hinder journey.
4. Steal underpants.
5. Once dimensional saturation point has been reached, kill Sakura via Fay.
6. Use corpse!Sakura's dimensional "memories" to gain power to cross dimensions.
7. PROFIT.
And now we've got this "death seal" nonsense and DUDE, seriously, what is going ON here?! Why would FWR try to kill Sakura before sending her on her journey? Why even bother with this presumably-slow "death seal" when he could just kill her outright? (Remember, even without the ability to cross dimensions, FWR certainly had no problem killing Kurogane's mother, Fay's brother, or Syaoran.) Why would FWR have put Fay through all of the crap that he put Fay through if he himself could have killed Sakura any time that he wanted to? (Can you imagine Fay's reaction when he hears this part of Syaoran's story?!)
Arrrrrrrrrrgh, CLAMP. Arrrrrrrrrrrrgh!
Also, how much longer is this flashback going to last? (*headdesk*) Where are Fay and Kurogane? Is Syaoran verbally telling them this flashback? Are the two of them and Mokona sitting around in the ruins in the frozen!Clow Country and MST3King Syaoran's story as he tells it? That would be awesome.
Unfortunately, in this chapter, absolutely nothing happened. Also, why is it that in anime and manga, nobody ever goes to a hospital when they need to?
So, quick recap of what happened last week, since I never actually clarified what happened last week:
Syaoran tried to reach for Sakura while dramatically screaming her name. "SAKURAAAAAAAA!!!1!11!"
Sakura was drowning in black goo, but apparently she still had the presence of mind to say, "No... My real name... is..."
Syaoran reached for her again, then - for some reason that I'm still scratching my head over - he hesitated for a single instant. And of course that single instant was all that it took for the black goo to envelop Sakura completely. And then FWR did his evil laugh and said, "LOL, you hesitated! You fail as a shounen hero and now I just pwned your girlfriend."
So. The black goo. The black goo peeled away and revealed Sakura, just floating there, with her eyes closed, and gooey black wings sprouting from her back. There was also a small black orb floating in front of her chest. FWR said that he'd placed a "death seal" on her. When the "death seal" grows to envelop her completely, she will die. Syaoran asked FWR why he would do such a thing. FWR was all like, "Blah blah blah for the sake of my wish. No, I'm not going to tell you what my wish is, what, you think that two hundred chapters is long enough for you to wait to find out? Hah! It'll be two hundred and fifty chapters before the bound-to-be-incredibly-lame ultimate movitation for all of my evil machinations is revealed! Mwah ha ha ha ha ha! And I'm sure that it will actually be an incredibly sappy motivation, like trying to return my loved one from the grave, boo hoo hoo, and I'm sure that CLAMP will expect the readers to actually feel sorry for me while at the same time conveniently forgetting about the way that I killed Kurogane's mother, killed Fay's brothers, killed Xing Huo, and killed you in cold blood."
Syaoran: "Killed... me?"
"Yeah. Hold still. This is going to sting."
And then FWR killed Syaoran. End of chapter.
Disclaimer: FWR may not actually have said all of those things that I said that he said.
So! That brings us up to chapter 197!
The chapter begins with a giant deus ex machina. Hey, remember at the end of the previous chapter when FWR burned Syaoran to a crisp? Psych! As it turns out, at the exact moment that FWR magic-missle'd Syaoran, Syaoran's seven days in Clow Country ran out, and he was instantly transported back to Yuuko's shop.
Only he's still massively injured from his non-fight with FWR.
So Yuuko bandages up Syaoran and puts him to bed.
Now... Hey, kids! Do you have a shota fetish? Do you have a bandage fetish? Do you have a shota-in-bandages fetish?! If so, then you're going to LOVE the next seventeen pages in this week's chapter, which Syaoran spends wrapped from head to toe in a ridiculous amount of bandages. Oh, and blood dribbles out of his mouth every time he tries to speak. Like, really drippy, detailed blood. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaah CLAMP. I understand that "detailed artwork" is your thing, but really, gaaaaaaaaaaaah. I do NOT need to see seventeen pages of blood gushing out of Syaoran's mouth.
And FFS, Yuuko. If the little boy can't say three words without blood gushing from his mouth, then that's probably an indication that he should be in a hospital rather than lying around inside of your dusty old shop. Argh. Logic.
Anyway, bloody!Syaoran and Yuuko basically have the following conversation.
SYAORAN: Oh crap I'm back.
YUUKO: Yeah. Your father paid the price for me treating you. Considering that your mouth is still gushing blood every time that you speak, and considering that you probably could have gotten better treatment in a real hospital, one does have to question the wisdom of your father's decision. But whatever. Do tell me everything that happened in Clow Country, and I'll pretend like it's all news to me because I was totally not watching your every move and delivering vaguely ominous foreshadowing comments at the end of each of the previous ten chapters.
SYAORAN: A scary Chinese man with tentacles showed up and ate my girlfriend. Then he put a "death seal" on her. Then he barbecued me, but not. I guess. I think my lungs are filling with blood, though.
YUUKO: Oh yeah. Death Seal. Well, that means that when her black wings grow large enough, they'll engulf her body and she'll die. The only way to remove a Death Seal is to exchange one life for another.
SYAORAN: (*coughs up a gallon of blood and tries to get up*)
YUUKO: Where are you going?
SYAORAN: I'mma gonna go back to the Clow Country.
YUUKO: You can't do that because neither you nor your parents have the power to cross dimensions.
SYAORAN: If I pay you a price, will you grant my wish?
YUUKO: You're going to Clow Country to sacrifice your life in exchange for Sakura's, aren't you.
SYAORAN: No, I'm not going to die, and I'm not going to let Sakura die either!
YUUKO: LOL, okay. Since I'm a sadistic bitch, I'm going to grant your wish. The price is that it will be a one-way trip. In Clow Country right now, there is nobody with the power to cross dimensions - which means nobody with the power to send you back to your home world. Unless that changes, you might never see your mother or father again.
(Editor's note: That is not a "price." It is a circumstance.)
SYAORAN: Screw my parents, I promised Sakura that I would protect her.
So. The chapter ends when Yuuko wipes some blood off Syaoran's mouth with her fingers (CHRIST Yuuko that is SO UNSANITARY) and delivers some more vaguely ominous monologue about "choices" and how from now on, Syaoran is going to have to... Dun dun dunnnnnn... make choices.
NO WAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CHOICES!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good one, CLAMP. I totally never would have seen that coming!
Questions raised by this chapter and previous chapter:
What in the flying fuckity fuck is FWR planning?! Look, okay, up until this flashback sequence, FWR's plan was actually pretty clear:
1. Lure Sakura to ruins.
2. Scatter Sakura's memories across dimensions - provide motivations for dimension-hopping travel.
3. Let dimension-hopping travel happen; be sure to send only incompetent minions to hinder journey.
4. Steal underpants.
5. Once dimensional saturation point has been reached, kill Sakura via Fay.
6. Use corpse!Sakura's dimensional "memories" to gain power to cross dimensions.
7. PROFIT.
And now we've got this "death seal" nonsense and DUDE, seriously, what is going ON here?! Why would FWR try to kill Sakura before sending her on her journey? Why even bother with this presumably-slow "death seal" when he could just kill her outright? (Remember, even without the ability to cross dimensions, FWR certainly had no problem killing Kurogane's mother, Fay's brother, or Syaoran.) Why would FWR have put Fay through all of the crap that he put Fay through if he himself could have killed Sakura any time that he wanted to? (Can you imagine Fay's reaction when he hears this part of Syaoran's story?!)
Arrrrrrrrrrgh, CLAMP. Arrrrrrrrrrrrgh!
Also, how much longer is this flashback going to last? (*headdesk*) Where are Fay and Kurogane? Is Syaoran verbally telling them this flashback? Are the two of them and Mokona sitting around in the ruins in the frozen!Clow Country and MST3King Syaoran's story as he tells it? That would be awesome.